|
|
Post by badger on Mar 8, 2018 19:11:09 GMT
Hey there guys and girls,
Just wondering if anyone has had a relationship with an FA. I did- it was intense, amazing, planning on meshing families after 4 amazing months. Fast forward she breaks up with no explanation other than that she has to figure her stuff out. Now I get random texts about her sons hoops. He really connected with me and now he’s pissed. She reaches out every three days, with some comment about all the girls that are after me and if I’m on a date, but starts it out with a text about her son. I’ll text her back bc I think she’s confused and then poof, nothing for days. Problem is I fell madly in love with her and I sent her a text yesterday, super funny, not heavy about how I hope she looks like crap on her night. Nothing back, not a peep, but she has the “sac” to keep tabs on me after she “curbed” me for no reason. Any help would be helpful. This shit is making me batty bc the person I got really close with does not resemble this person at all. My therapist who is the bomb(yes she drove me to therapy), Harvard and expensive as hell, has her pegged as fearful avoidant.
|
|
|
|
Post by serene13 on Mar 13, 2018 20:55:44 GMT
amblin - I feel you girl. Pretty much my experience also. I've never encountered attachment problems in a relationship before - at least not that I ever knew of. How someone you grow so close to, who seems to care about you and understand you and LIKE you so much, can turn so full of distrust, disdain, and be so distant and uncaring is a very crazy feeling. I never experienced it before and hope to never again. And no one ever hooked me in the same way - makes no sense to me. Just have to hold fast and strong to yourself. I guess my FA/DA knew that it was only going to get worse for the both of us and completely went dark on me almost a year ago. Gotta believe it was for the best - just didn't feel like it  |
|
|
|
Post by badger on Mar 15, 2018 3:42:10 GMT
Let me just tell you guys. It’s deeper than it seems. I met my FA for drinks tonight and she acted like she forgot the things she said to me. No slack in my end, I called her out. Evertything, she cried in front of me, but didn’t say shit. So fucked up. Her kids will suffer, but she is not ready to deal. So disappointing. Sort of feel like she’s a coward. Told her she was FA and she had the sac to make me repeat it. What a coward. Her kids love me and think she’s an idiot. Oh well, I’m out.
|
|
|
|
Post by mrob on Mar 15, 2018 8:49:41 GMT
So, the value judgement in this is that she’s screwed up, so she’s an idiot.
Please don’t let the back door hit you on the way out.
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Mar 15, 2018 9:37:45 GMT
Let me just tell you guys. It’s deeper than it seems. I met my FA for drinks tonight and she acted like she forgot the things she said to me. No slack in my end, I called her out. Evertything, she cried in front of me, but didn’t say shit. So fucked up. Her kids will suffer, but she is not ready to deal. So disappointing. Sort of feel like she’s a coward. Told her she was FA and she had the sac to make me repeat it. What a coward. Her kids love me and think she’s an idiot. Oh well, I’m out. Honestly...this doesn't align with what I have experienced from any of my friends with a secure attachment. They have struck me as being more "balanced" in how they have handled situations...combination of truth with grace versus truth alone. This sounds very much like you called her out without any compassion. |
|
|
|
Post by Jaeger on Mar 15, 2018 15:32:21 GMT
I could be totally wrong here, but I'm getting something of an anxious vibe from some of your posts. It's been shown to happen quite a lot in interactions with avoidants, as we can see from the threads posted here. Might be something to have a critical look at?
|
|
|
|
Post by serene13 on Mar 15, 2018 20:19:29 GMT
I would suggest that Badger is going through the angry phase - many of us have gone through it. Anger and frustration that the person we grew close to and thought we knew has shifted and claims none of what we knew to true. It's a tough spot to be. I think I read a post in another thread where he admitted to feeling anxious - that can also be a cause for frustration when you're not accustomed to that feeling. I know I was surprised at my response to the same type of circumstances.
|
|
|
|
Post by badger on Mar 17, 2018 4:03:16 GMT
Hi everyone,
Tr9. Thanks for the honest assessment, but yes I am a secure, just not a wallflower. I shared so much with this person and her children, yes they love me and me them. Not the “hide and seek” relationship until it was. No doubt, I was pissed as hell, planning lives and involving children is no cavalier approach. So, yes I went for it, full throttle.....and you know what, she called me the next day in tears, saying I “see her” and that I’m too important to hide and not stare down her fear. Sometimes you have to stare down the devil to get to the other side. Listen, I love this person with all of my heart, and know that being with her will be rough and a journey. But I’m willing to try and so is she. She told me yesterday that I have made her see things about herself that she has feared and that she has manipulated situations and people since childhood. She’s had enough. Thanks tho. Shot taken, but again I trust my gut.
|
|
