jay81
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by jay81 on Mar 9, 2018 22:57:29 GMT
Hello. I am a sa and I'm in love with a da. We met several years ago and clicked immediately. He was socially awkward, sweet, and funny.. just like me. He wasn't into hanging out or being around a lot of people which I also liked (I'm an introvert) plus we have a lot of sexual chemistry. Everything is great except for his distancing and dismissing my feelings. I didn't know about attachment styles back then so I thought he behaved this way because he didn't think I was good enough and wanted to be with other women. Eventually I got tired and I walked away. You might wonder why I even stuck around for so long if I'm sa.. the truth is, I can't seem to find comfort in anyone else the way I do him. When we are together I am extremely content. It may also be that he displays the exact same characteristics as my dad (except my dad never distanced himself) and I feel familiar with that. Im also not sure if ive always been sa. I've had my share of issues that I've done counseling for and all I know is now I'm sa. Like I said, i got fed up and stopped speaking to him. Now, yrs later, he has come back to rekindle things and I gave it a shot. I don't know if he became aware of his attachment style but I saw definite improvements on trying to be intimate. We were even seeing each other consistently and talking of future plans... the he distanced himself again. This time I knew about da and I told him I don't mind taking some time apart but pls communicate so I know what to expect.. He ignored for days. Then he resurfaced and apologized just to ignore n distance himself a few days later When I tried to make plans with him. Am I asking to much when I ask for him to communicate when he needs a break? I didn't think it was unreasonable. I guess I'm asking for a better understanding of what might be going through his head. We were talking casually and I said any plans this weekend.. and now I'm being ignored. The 3rd time in 2 weeks. It's never been this frequent before but we've never been as close as we've been these couple of months. I'm jus looking for any insight and understanding I could get. I know I could (or should) walk away for many reason but I genuinely love him and i don't want to walk away again.
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Post by kelvain on Mar 12, 2018 15:56:22 GMT
Hello. I am a sa and I'm in love with a da. We met several years ago and clicked immediately. He was socially awkward, sweet, and funny.. just like me. He wasn't into hanging out or being around a lot of people which I also liked (I'm an introvert) plus we have a lot of sexual chemistry. Everything is great except for his distancing and dismissing my feelings. I didn't know about attachment styles back then so I thought he behaved this way because he didn't think I was good enough and wanted to be with other women. Eventually I got tired and I walked away. You might wonder why I even stuck around for so long if I'm sa.. the truth is, I can't seem to find comfort in anyone else the way I do him. When we are together I am extremely content. It may also be that he displays the exact same characteristics as my dad (except my dad never distanced himself) and I feel familiar with that. Im also not sure if ive always been sa. I've had my share of issues that I've done counseling for and all I know is now I'm sa. Like I said, i got fed up and stopped speaking to him. Now, yrs later, he has come back to rekindle things and I gave it a shot. I don't know if he became aware of his attachment style but I saw definite improvements on trying to be intimate. We were even seeing each other consistently and talking of future plans... the he distanced himself again. This time I knew about da and I told him I don't mind taking some time apart but pls communicate so I know what to expect.. He ignored for days. Then he resurfaced and apologized just to ignore n distance himself a few days later When I tried to make plans with him. Am I asking to much when I ask for him to communicate when he needs a break? I didn't think it was unreasonable. I guess I'm asking for a better understanding of what might be going through his head. We were talking casually and I said any plans this weekend.. and now I'm being ignored. The 3rd time in 2 weeks. It's never been this frequent before but we've never been as close as we've been these couple of months. I'm jus looking for any insight and understanding I could get. I know I could (or should) walk away for many reason but I genuinely love him and i don't want to walk away again. This is not an unreasonable request. However, it may be too much of a demand for him and from his reaction, it is just that. Understanding what is going on in his head is really a guessing game since only he knows the answer. I think in this case it's more of a choice for you to make once you have determined how much you could take and where/when do you finally walk away. I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful here. Hopefully others here with greater insight will share their thoughts. However, I hope everything works out well for you. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2018 16:16:09 GMT
Hello. I am a sa and I'm in love with a da. We met several years ago and clicked immediately. He was socially awkward, sweet, and funny.. just like me. He wasn't into hanging out or being around a lot of people which I also liked (I'm an introvert) plus we have a lot of sexual chemistry. Everything is great except for his distancing and dismissing my feelings. I didn't know about attachment styles back then so I thought he behaved this way because he didn't think I was good enough and wanted to be with other women. Eventually I got tired and I walked away. You might wonder why I even stuck around for so long if I'm sa.. the truth is, I can't seem to find comfort in anyone else the way I do him. When we are together I am extremely content. It may also be that he displays the exact same characteristics as my dad (except my dad never distanced himself) and I feel familiar with that. Im also not sure if ive always been sa. I've had my share of issues that I've done counseling for and all I know is now I'm sa. Like I said, i got fed up and stopped speaking to him. Now, yrs later, he has come back to rekindle things and I gave it a shot. I don't know if he became aware of his attachment style but I saw definite improvements on trying to be intimate. We were even seeing each other consistently and talking of future plans... the he distanced himself again. This time I knew about da and I told him I don't mind taking some time apart but pls communicate so I know what to expect.. He ignored for days. Then he resurfaced and apologized just to ignore n distance himself a few days later When I tried to make plans with him. Am I asking to much when I ask for him to communicate when he needs a break? I didn't think it was unreasonable. I guess I'm asking for a better understanding of what might be going through his head. We were talking casually and I said any plans this weekend.. and now I'm being ignored. The 3rd time in 2 weeks. It's never been this frequent before but we've never been as close as we've been these couple of months. I'm jus looking for any insight and understanding I could get. I know I could (or should) walk away for many reason but I genuinely love him and i don't want to walk away again. If you talked about him communicating his needs and he ignored you, I wouldn't pursue the relationship. I am not saying what you should do, it's just what I would do. Communication is key to navigating any relationship. On the other hand,I get the temptation to keep trying. I guess you have to figure out how many times will be too many for you. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2018 16:33:16 GMT
he is showing you his capacity for a relationship.
regardless of what is going on in his head (which only he can confirm so speculation isn't useful in the end) , i hope you can determine what is important to you in a relationship and wether or not he is a good partner for you. it's painful to feel emotionally attached to someone who doesn't treat you with care or respect.
i have learned to take someone at face value. if i ask for communication and don't ge it, i don't make excuses and lower my expectation. i have to accept someone for how they are and decide if it works for me without me having to sacrifice my values and needs.
best to you as you navigate this, it's difficult.
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jay81
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by jay81 on Mar 12, 2018 20:37:07 GMT
Thank you all so much for your advise. I truly appreciate it. I will continue to be patient and try. I might be a fool and breaking my own heart but I can't imagine not having him in my life.
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