Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2018 13:43:24 GMT
That was the shocker I got last night... a few days ago we broke up, and he told me for the majority of the time, things with us were "perfect" and that it could work but maybe we were accepting our limitations (it was sort of LDR, but seeing each other once a week). I told him that I broke up with him because he spoke about his ex a lot in idealised terms and I felt like I wasn't good enough for him because of that, and because our relationship hadn't really progressed. He then gave me the "not in love" line, and then continued to tell me that over the past few days we hadn't talked, he felt a huge void in his life, and that he wanted to tell me that he missed me, but for our friendship/alikeness but that sex wasn't a priority to him. I feel like this is him trying to "clean up" and manage down expectations so that I stick around but don't think it could ever be committed. I am super hurting right now.
I've blocked him on everything and blocked his number.
I feel so rejected and sad. Has anyone had behaviour like this?
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guest
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Post by guest on Mar 10, 2018 16:03:39 GMT
You're in good company, stick around, read some of the posts, especially those of some of the more intelligent and aware posters.
I think you did the right thing by walking away.
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Post by ocarina on Mar 10, 2018 19:43:24 GMT
That was the shocker I got last night... a few days ago we broke up, and he told me for the majority of the time, things with us were "perfect" and that it could work but maybe we were accepting our limitations (it was sort of LDR, but seeing each other once a week). I told him that I broke up with him because he spoke about his ex a lot in idealised terms and I felt like I wasn't good enough for him because of that, and because our relationship hadn't really progressed. He then gave me the "not in love" line, and then continued to tell me that over the past few days we hadn't talked, he felt a huge void in his life, and that he wanted to tell me that he missed me, but for our friendship/alikeness but that sex wasn't a priority to him. I feel like this is him trying to "clean up" and manage down expectations so that I stick around but don't think it could ever be committed. I am super hurting right now. I've blocked him on everything and blocked his number. I feel so rejected and sad. Has anyone had behaviour like this? Ouch and sorry you are experiencing this. Sounds like typical avoidant post breakup behaviour - avoiding feeling anything emotional beyond a kind of emptiness - the not wanting sex as a priority must be super hurtful to you - but sounds like more of the same - sex is often a form of closeness that cements an emotional bond. I have realised that over time I become less interested in sex in relationships as a way of avoiding closeness, avoiding vulnerability. It'a all there, the phantom ex, the lack of progression. So difficult to be on the receiving end especially when you can see that if the curtain of fear were to be lifted, this could be a wonderful relationship. Rest assured it's not you - and if you possibly can, try not to take things personally. You can't fix his brokeness and you also can't put yourself in the line of fire here and allow yourself to be hurt over and over again. It must still be very raw - I hope you find some peace soon Tigrio |
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aha
New Member
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Post by aha on Mar 10, 2018 19:57:38 GMT
Hugs to you! It sounds so painful. I think when a FA is aware, you can start managing those issues of distance, perhaps by giving more space. You also need to recognise your patterns and this can take time because they’re so automatic a lot of the time. It also could work if you are prepared for little intimacy, lack of firm commitment and very infrequent sex but sounds like it has been unsatisying for you so far and it is unlikely to improve any time soon. I am really sorry 😐
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Post by Jaeger on Mar 13, 2018 11:09:55 GMT
Oh yes, you are far from alone in this. This is quite a common thing to have happen, unfortunately, and is one of the most painful and maddening things to have to deal with. I wish you a lot of fortitude in staying your course, and know that we are here if you need the support.
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 13, 2018 12:26:57 GMT
That was the shocker I got last night... a few days ago we broke up, and he told me for the majority of the time, things with us were "perfect" and that it could work but maybe we were accepting our limitations (it was sort of LDR, but seeing each other once a week). I told him that I broke up with him because he spoke about his ex a lot in idealised terms and I felt like I wasn't good enough for him because of that, and because our relationship hadn't really progressed. He then gave me the "not in love" line, and then continued to tell me that over the past few days we hadn't talked, he felt a huge void in his life, and that he wanted to tell me that he missed me, but for our friendship/alikeness but that sex wasn't a priority to him. I feel like this is him trying to "clean up" and manage down expectations so that I stick around but don't think it could ever be committed. I am super hurting right now. I've blocked him on everything and blocked his number. I feel so rejected and sad. Has anyone had behaviour like this? Yes.....completely relate....."B" also used "the one" (he did not idiolize an ex but said that he knew I wasn't "the one"). It is incredibly painful...I felt rejected to the core. The only thing that has helped is to realize that it isn't about me at all....it is his FEAR speaking. Fear of commitment, fear of engulfment, fear of "whatever"....the fact is, he let his fear drive his decision. I wanted to be a safe base for him....but it is almost impossible to provide a safe base to someone who doesn't communicate his needs in a way that I could understand. "B" also "missed me" but I think he missed the aspects that did not cause him to feel fear...the hanging out parts that did not require anything but him showing up. I wish you well and I send you lots of cyber hugs. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2018 13:00:24 GMT
I've blocked him on everything and blocked his number. I feel so rejected and sad. Has anyone had behaviour like this? Stay firm on this, even if you miss him. You need no contact to take some perspective, and NC is not a relative term. It is absolute. Looks like he may have a tendency to reach out to you, that is why you should keep him blocked. Else, he will entangle you again when you least expect it or in a vulnerable moment. You are not alone on this feeling of rejection. My ex bf never reached out to me, it was me initiating contact for a month or so (I was in overdrive), and not having any message answered (all of them were read almost instantly, that is the wonder of Whatsapp). I think indiference is worse than negative answers. So, yes, I was rejected quite badly. I took it personal for a while, but it is not, you will also see it this way once you start walking the path of self awareness and take perspective of the relationship. very well said, and i'm sorry you are hurting @tigrio |
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