em
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Post by em on Mar 12, 2018 19:13:53 GMT
I agree with all of you here. I like the idea of being short and concise much better. I think the logic you guys have given is sound. Thank you so so much. I have the feeling that he might be more fearful avoidant than dismissive the more I think about things. I definitely don't want to scare him away.
I am going to be honest... I still have romantic feelings for him. I cannot say that I want to date him or be close with him right at this moment though. I wouldn't be opposed to dating him again, but only if he was really trying. I do think he has the potential to become more centered, but I am not going to invest myself too much into this idea yet. The reason why I feel a short message would be a good idea is because when I dated him, his life was very stressful and hectic. I never had a chance to experience him while he had a stable life. He has a stable life now.
I have been thinking about my next question I'm about to ask for a long time, but couldn't put it into words until today. In your opinions, which option is best to increase the chances that something may work out between us?
1. Leave things as they are. We have not spoken for one year. Our last conversation was heartbreaking, and I'm afraid it's the reason why he hasn't reached out. Because he might be too afraid of me becoming emotional again and he probably thinks I'm moving on.
2. Write the short note. At least that way he can feel safe that I'm not angry any longer. I feel it will open the door if he wants to go that direction in the future.
Any thoughts?
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Deleted
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Letter?
Mar 12, 2018 19:47:35 GMT
em likes this
Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2018 19:47:35 GMT
Do you even care how he is or what is going on in his life?
if you do, you should ask and let him answer for himself.
then, you can ask him if there is any potential for working things out, and let him answer for himself.
you are barking up the wrong tree to ask an internet forum of attachment injured individuals to advise you about the potential for a future with this man, without even having approached him yet.
first things first. say hello. see if he answers.
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Letter?
Mar 12, 2018 19:50:29 GMT
em likes this
Post by kelvain on Mar 12, 2018 19:50:29 GMT
I would go with the reach out. If you don't, I can see that this will be eating you alive. Just be sure to keep the tone friendly and light. Don't bring up things of the past as it typically will do no good...believe me! just say hello, you were on my mind and I wanted to say hi and see how everything is.
Just saying what I would write. But of course write whatever you wish.
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Post by kelvain on Mar 12, 2018 19:51:21 GMT
Do you even care how he is or what is going on in his life? if you do, you should ask and let him answer for himself. then, you can ask him if there is any potential for working things out, and let him answer for himself. you are barking up the wrong tree to ask an internet forum of attachment injured individuals to advise you about the potential for a future with this man, without even having approached him yet. first things first. say hello. see if he answers.Precisely! |
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em
New Member
Posts: 39
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Post by em on Mar 13, 2018 0:26:20 GMT
I don't feel like I am barking up the wrong tree. I think this is the perfect place to ask this question. I have read and received better and informed advice here than anywhere else.
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em
New Member
Posts: 39
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Post by em on Mar 13, 2018 0:27:32 GMT
But thank you ALL again for the advice. I will approach him with a very short and nice message and see what happens. It's going to take me a little while to build up the courage to do this, but I will let you know what happens.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2018 0:39:52 GMT
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Post by kelvain on Mar 13, 2018 1:07:08 GMT
But thank you ALL again for the advice. I will approach him with a very short and nice message and see what happens. It's going to take me a little while to build up the courage to do this, but I will let you know what happens. AWESOME!!!! Sending positive vibes your way! As a side thought... Have you ever considered applying the power of manifesting? I did this and got my ex back when all hope was lost. I believe it is very real. I have achieved a lot of success both personally and professionally by applying the power of manifestation. But here is a link that helped me with getting my ex back that you may also enjoy: www.powerfulintentions.org/m/discussion?id=1335877%3ATopic%3A4527460You may also wish to look into The Secret as it is a wonderful source to read or listen about the power of manifestation. Just wanted to try helping as best as I could with suggestions! |
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Post by leavethelighton on Mar 17, 2018 23:57:38 GMT
Let me just tell you, I've done this thing, after years sent the "Hi, how you've been" letter to my DA person.
What you may be wanting (especially if you're more AP in an AP-DA dynamic) is for the DA person to write you back something containing some degree of intimacy, as a sign that they do still want some closeness.
What you're likely to get is either no response or a response that does not contain any degree of intimacy.
Just be prepared. I sent the email-- I got a response, but it was one where the other person's walls were all up and I realized I just don't have it in me to try to scale those walls after all the emotional effort I've already put in.
I suppose it was worth one last try and so in that sense I don't regret it, but I'm also kind of embarrassed that I sent the email.
The irony is I keep being tempted to do it again.
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Post by Jaeger on Mar 21, 2018 20:05:40 GMT
Let me just tell you, I've done this thing, after years sent the "Hi, how you've been" letter to my DA person. What you may be wanting (especially if you're more AP in an AP-DA dynamic) is for the DA person to write you back something containing some degree of intimacy, as a sign that they do still want some closeness. What you're likely to get is either no response or a response that does not contain any degree of intimacy. Just be prepared. I sent the email-- I got a response, but it was one where the other person's walls were all up and I realized I just don't have it in me to try to scale those walls after all the emotional effort I've already put in. I suppose it was worth one last try and so in that sense I don't regret it, but I'm also kind of embarrassed that I sent the email. The irony is I keep being tempted to do it again. To my mind, truly breaking free of dysfunctional relationships like these require us to fully accept both the fact that they're over and realizing that these people don't have the answers or the power to make us feel better or heal the wounds we carry with us - only we ourselves do. I'd suggest writing yourself a letter. It'll likely do you more good in the long run. |
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