Post by nic on Apr 6, 2018 23:27:45 GMT
Mar 12, 2018 1:34:03 GMT @muppet said:
i haven't been attached to AP, but i have been in bad relationships with them where neither one of us had any idea what we were doing.so i can't speak to that.
But, i have experienced the dynamic you describe when i was involved with a narcissist.
he wasn't attached he wanted narcissistic supply in the form of sex and attention, plus all the nice things i did for him.
i listened to him talk about his life and problems, offered support because i'm good at that, and didn't make demands.
i found out a DA can be a good target for narcissists because we naturally can stick out a meager situation.
i too left repeatedly because i felt disrespected, used. i was disrespected and used. but i liked some things about it and was not done all the way so i kept letting us wiggle back together.
i finally did have enough tho, just got fed up with it all and blew up and walked away.
he was a covert narcissist and i don't hate him. i think he is very unhappy. i didn't see the signs until i was with him a while. it looked like DA to a point. but the lack of empathy for me, was the giveaway. i have lots of avoidant friends who aren't mean or disrespectful.
there is a difference.
just sharing this because i think sometimes DA and narcissistic gets conflated. sometimes the DA is actually a narc, is what i mean.
You're right.. it's not scary. Its somewhat entertaining when things are going well. But when I started to feel like I had to hold everything in because any kind of confrontation would be turned into my fault - not so fun. Or anytime I didn't answer the phone or text back right away there were accusations of me being with another man or a break up ensued. But he could do not even respond to me and its not supposed to be a big deal. Same thing if I didn't agree to see him (which was a rare occasion) he would tell me to have a good night with whomever and he'll go find someone to do the same. I actually never fed into it and thought he was just being insecure but now I think there might have been some truth to that.
I never even thought there were other women because I was looking at him from the DA lens. The things that were so minuscule that turned into him getting mad and causing frequent breaks between us were most likely to entertain another supply. All the parties that he would throw and conveniently forget to mention.. usually followed after an angry episode and one of his breaks. Absolutely crazy making!
Oh and the hoovering... those were the good memories. I do agree that a DA is a good source for a narc because we don't need too much from another person.
Anyway..we flip and we flop so IDK where I was when I wrote this but I'm 1 week no contact and bracing myself for when he reaches out again. Thanks for the tip. I feel empowered. I gave a lot of leeway (too much) because I thought he was struggling, not preying.