jmb17
New Member
Posts: 7 
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Post by jmb17 on Mar 19, 2018 17:01:59 GMT
Ive been dating a FA on and off for a year and a half. Hes always been a struggling model so money has been pretty tight for him since when we started dating. He recently decided to go back to the corporate world after taking a four year break to pursue modeling and ever since he got this job he's been a different person. He's cocky and mean and has completely turned the tables on me. He changed his mind about taking responsibility for everything hes done and blammed it on me. and hes done some awful things. I've caught him trying to sleep with my friends, I caught him lying numerous times, every time things got real, he'd run and leave and disappear for a few weeks before coming back. But now its like, everything is falling into place for him and now hes all the sudden better than me. Hes rude and easily frustrated and just stop responding to me altogether.
I know this person IS NOT right for me but it hurts when after everything Ive forgiven him for, he's been treating me with such disrespect now that things are working out for him.
Do Fa's typically act like this when things in their life are on the up and up?
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guest
Junior Member
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Post by guest on Mar 19, 2018 17:10:32 GMT
No, but assholes do, dump him!
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Post by yasmin on Mar 19, 2018 17:56:57 GMT
I don't think you can blame behavior like this on attachment style, but I will say that anyone who is fearful avoidant (or any other insecure style) is probably more insecure in themselves, and therefore maybe there's some increased likelihood of poor behavior because, well, almost all poor behavior is caused by insecurity at it's root.
What I will say though is that whatever the reason, this behavior isn't good or loving so I think you should break up with him.
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jmb17
New Member
Posts: 7
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Post by jmb17 on Mar 19, 2018 18:26:51 GMT
Oh I did break up with him.
I feel like this is just temporary confidence that will subside once he gets a routine going. At least that what I think.
But even though hes been so awful to me and I ended things, I cant help but still feel so hurt and sad inside.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2018 19:19:44 GMT
Oh I did break up with him. I feel like this is just temporary confidence that will subside once he gets a routine going. At least that what I think. But even though hes been so awful to me and I ended things, I cant help but still feel so hurt and sad inside. i am sorry you are hurting. I would imagine you feel very betrayed. breaking up is obviously a good move here, as you were being treated very badly. but to have to make such a choice, is so painful. when i have had to do this i had a difficult time looking back and understanding what was real, what was not. at any rate, it seems that this is a very supportive community of all attachment types. and i am not FA ( am DA) and can't speak to what is typical for them, but i agree with the previous posters about insecurity and probably more going on than just the influence of attachment style. so sorry you have had this happen. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2018 20:04:59 GMT
My last "almost relationship" was with an FA. He pushed and pulled like no one's business nearly the whole three months we dated, and when I eventually decided to break things off, he dropped me like it was hot, and didn't fight at all. The prelude to this was a lot of jackassery - constantly bringing up his ex girlfriend, comparing us to her, evading conversations about where we were headed, acting bored around me, saying one thing and doing another. One week I was the best shit ever, the next I was a misplaced toy from last christmas.
The week he introduced me to his family and friends, the very next week, he acted incredibly bored around me and started comparing us to his last relationship.
I feel like he literally just got bored stiff of me out of absolutely nowhere.
This guy was incredibly entitled - and his motto was "everything can always be better" - but I know that he has crippling inferiority, despite how narcissistic he can be at times, his inferiority leaks through.
My gut told me that I was a "passing the time" option, and after one last go at trying to define the situation, I broke up with him. A couple of days later he said "I love you but I'm not in love with you" - this is a week after me meeting the special people in his life and him seeming incredibly into me.
What I'm saying is... this guy could very well be FA. I mean he's showing push-pull signs, and I genuinely think that FAs are mortified at the idea of settling for anybody, only, their fear of commitment and intimacy create the illusion that everyone they begin to love can never match up to the perfect idea in their minds... and so in this way, I assume more success only double highlights in their minds the disparity between what their "perfect" ideal of love is, what they now "deserve", and the reality of loving a normal person. Sad.
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Post by Jaeger on Mar 21, 2018 20:51:29 GMT
One week I was the best shit ever, the next I was a misplaced toy from last christmas. Funny how that works. When I get into the 'you're the best shit ever' camp, you stay there. Not that I would expect someone to be perfect, but if I see a change in that, my first thought would be to try to help someone get back to being the best shit ever, rather than distancing from them. That's just the way I am, I suppose. |
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 21, 2018 21:06:50 GMT
Honestly...it's like you cannot trust the good stuff because in the back of your mind, you are wondering when the pull away is going to happen. It's as if they freak themselves out...get too comfortable/too happy...alarm bells go off...so they have to create distance again. Gosh it sucks...I swear now it is Pavlovian with me.....I anticipate the withdrawal.
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