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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2018 21:36:22 GMT
I learned that we avoidants have to write or speak out about our thoughts and feelings to help process than.
i am sure everyone does but it's especially helpful since we shove it down and don't give it expression.
So talking is good for us.
i hate journaling and refuse to do it because it makes a record of it but i can talk out loud.
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Post by ocarina on Mar 22, 2018 21:43:45 GMT
Talking is something I did very little of until the last few years - and initially speaking online was the only way -although now I am lucky enough to have several close friends I can really confide in and until we separated my partner too - that was the best part of our relationship, the sharing of feelings - weirdly enough I had never done that before in an intimate relationship - and in some ways it was scary since it symbolised attachment.
Crying - I do now, perhaps not often and perhaps when deep hurts are triggered - often by fairly unrelated events. I am not sure if that makes sense - but I feel that often I hold pain deep inside for aeons - and appear not to grieve, but the wounds remain and every now and then something will knock into them and I will feel deeply moved - often an apparent over reaction to a relatively trivial circumstance.
Books, films etc often elicit an emotional response whereas in my own life I remain unbelievably stoic - and the more hurt and disturbed I become the more I withdraw into my own semi autistic silence.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2018 22:22:07 GMT
ocarina, i totally relate to that, in years prior. that's how i always was. I HATED emotional movies unless i was by myself and then i could tolerate it but look away from parts that made me feel sad. Now if i watch something like that (rarely) i choose to let tears stream down my face and whatever anyone thinks is just, whatever. I don't care. In fact that was a choice i had to make when my partner and i watched a movie he suggested, called Seven Pounds, with Will Smith. i think that's what it's called. His favorite part was the love story part and it was really a touching story. i don't usually watch movies at all any more so i had no idea what was coming lol. Dang! I was laying on the couch and i was like "Should i go to sleep? or should i cry? " and i just decided to let him see me cry. He looked at me and said "I get it." We probably argued later hahah, just to make sure no bonding happened (kidding but maybe we did lol) and that was that. I never ever would have let people in my past see me cry, not even my kids. so i have changed a lot. So i like to be strong and rational and but i let myself be other ways too. I guess i don't mind being strong and emotional also. I guess also that being emotional makes me stronger and not more endangered ? whatever. Not going to over analyze it, lol: I cry when i am sad wether it's a life event or simple emotional pain, or elicited from a movie. good enough! 
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