"I learned that I'm a love avoidant & you're a love addict"

@tigrio ,
so glad you got this validation.
i am sure you suffered a lot in the dynamic, and trying to heal it up on your own without that kind of acknowledgement.
I am happy for him also. i hope he can heal.
Awareness is HUGE.

My partner knows he is avoidant. I told him once after i broke up with him (please try to imagine two avoidants using nasty deactivating strategies because their casual affair became meaningful and important. Seriously it was so hurtful both ways.).

During the relationship, I was in therapy specifically to learn how to cope with my feelings for him and work on my avoidance, he was intherapy for his issues but had not mentioned avoidance.
I had a couple times as i shared my process with him.
He was always very understanding and sympatico when we would talk during iur peaceful times of growing intimacy.

Then we of course would have to destroy it. or try to.
Anyway, one time i left him (for good i thought) and went to work really hard to grieve and do some more inner child stuff.
During that time i developed a lot of tenderness and empathy for myself and some new understanding of me.
That caused me to want to share with him so i told him about dismissive avoidance.
I said i thought it might help him feel more peaceful to understand it.
I thought we were done but i wanted him to have a chance to heal a bit like i was.
because we are so similar!!!
His response was, he thinks i am right, that he is avoidant.

that was a while back. we do our own work separately. we are reconciled, obviously.
The big thing between us is the tremendous changes in deeper emotional intimacy over time. we don't talk about the process, we share our feelings and are consistently available. So he's been working too apparently. but he's private about it.  He sometimes seems more vulnerable than me and i am second guessing my original thought that he was worse lol.
he probably would appreciate me questioning that.

anyway, i am sure this adds a level of support to your healing that would be difficult to get any other way. Acknowledgement from the partner you care about is priceless.
I hope that both of you continue to grow and heal, even if you can't be together.

Hugs, and i am happy to see that weight lifted for you.