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Trust
Apr 3, 2018 21:18:32 GMT
Post by goldilocks on Apr 3, 2018 21:18:32 GMT
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Trust
Apr 3, 2018 21:54:59 GMT
Post by goldilocks on Apr 3, 2018 21:54:59 GMT
To what extent are you sensitive to pink flags and red flags?
What can you do to resensitize yourself to your instincts?
Have you gone against your instincts in the past?
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Deleted
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Trust
Apr 3, 2018 22:55:31 GMT
via mobile
Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2018 22:55:31 GMT
gossip and revealing secrets is untrustworthy behavior- sounds like a good idea to trust yourself here! trusting myself to identify and have strong boundaries with red flag behavior was a big part of my growth. a lot of it had been normalized to me over the course of my life but when i started listening to how negative behaviors actually made me FEEL instead of just rationalizing then away, i was able to gauge healthy vs unhealthy connections. That's a great way to look at it, as a form of growth. Thank you.  It is difficult for me to not like someone if he or she likes me, so I think it might be poor boundaries on my part.  I've had experienced some messy relationships growing up, so I'm trying to rewire myself. I read your other posts and I find them so helpful. So glad to come across another astute and sympathetic DA. You are all providing very thoughtful fodder for all of us who are/were involved with DA partners. thank you for that, @curious. that makes me feel good. And, paying attention to these things is good growth! The choices we make when choosing who to allow into our circle are very important. You want a good friend who can guard your confidence. Even if she likes you, if her self esteem is low enough to have poor boundaries, she won't be able to guard your vulnerable places like a good friend should. We all have to confide in our friends from time to time, and if they are good friends they won't betray our confidence. They keep us safe instead of exposing us! So of course, you deserve people around you who can be good friends, and in choosing them, you can be your own best friend and like yourself enough to choose well. Be a little picky.  sometimes people show us early on that they can't be what we need in a friend. raising your standards can have knock on effect of raising your self esteem and self respect, because before you can expect anyone else to look out for you, you have to be looking out for yourself. You can give yourself a nudge up by not settling down to someone else's standard of behavior. Be your own friend first! |
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Deleted
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Trust
Apr 3, 2018 23:39:46 GMT
Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2018 23:39:46 GMT
thank you for that, @curious . that makes me feel good. And, paying attention to these things is good growth! The choices we make when choosing who to allow into our circle are very important. You want a good friend who can guard your confidence. Even if she likes you, if her self esteem is low enough to have poor boundaries, she won't be able to guard your vulnerable places like a good friend should. We all have to confide in our friends from time to time, and if they are good friends they won't betray our confidence. They keep us safe instead of exposing us! So of course, you deserve people around you who can be good friends, and in choosing them, you can be your own best friend and like yourself enough to choose well. Be a little picky. sometimes people show us early on that they can't be what we need in a friend. raising your standards can have knock on effect of raising your self esteem and self respect, because before you can expect anyone else to look out for you, you have to be looking out for yourself. You can give yourself a nudge up by not settling down to someone else's standard of behavior.  Be your own friend first! You hit it spot on - we have to first self-partner and look out for ourselves, be our own best friend offering ourselves the right advice as we would for another person we care about. There are a number of us here, discovering our own attachment issues, who went through horrible childhood experiences and are still trying our best to learn the right bearings and find our inner compass. That's where things can get wobbly, and where I still mistrust myself, afraid of hurting others by judging them too harshly. For me, I wonder why statistically, I seem to hit the "jackpot" with the rather narcissistic and selfish types amongst us. Except when I'm on here, you're all awesome! |
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