Unsolicited advice for my fellow AP's

@future, I very much relate to what you went through. Sometimes, It's a no win situation. They crave the contact, but then are hurt by it ultimately when they don't get what they want. You have to love yourself first and sometimes love is letting them go.

Honestly, I don't think anyone on this forum comments on things with a malicious intent. (But I'm not a mind reader.)

Wow, this sounds like an extreme case of lovebombing and complete disregard for your boundaries.

I don't know if he is really AP or if he has some other issues, but intruding into your private space, refusing to accept your views and needs, telling you what you should think is a scary red flag.

I have a female acquaintance who has a crush on someone, and she refuses to take "No" as an answer from him because in her mind, he is the perfect partner for her. She stalks him on Facebook, she hates all the women who interact with him, she shows up where she knows he will show up with his group of hobbyists, she uses all sorts of pretexts to visit him at his home.

She isn't dangerous, but she scares me. ...

However, although she comes across as AP, I am coming to the conclusion that she is a covert or vulnerable narcissist. She laughingly confided to me that she is a "princess" and expects to be treated like one.

She is in love with him because he reminds her of her ex who worked in the same prestigious organization, of a higher social status, who spoiled her with expensive vacations and gifts.

It's all about her, even though it seems to be all about him.

She needs external validation from the people around her or she becomes depressed, so she chases (giving little gifts, lovebombing, etc.) and expects validation from whomever wherever she can (receiving bigger gifts in return, their constant attention, care, love, etc.).

If she doesn't receive from others what she expects from them she suffers an injury.

She also has little to no empathy.

My take on APs is that they are generally healthy partners, but due to life experiences have developed insecurity and need reassurances from their loved ones.

That insecurity, taken to a narcissistic extreme, engulfs the person and those around them.

It's the same with DAs who are co-morbid with narcissism. I believe it's ultimately co-morbid with personality disorders and the inability to empathize, to put oneself in the others' shoes, that APs and DAs get this disastrous rap.