Generosity of spirit

this has been a huge leap forward for me in my current relationship.
Healing some things inside myself came first, and then the ability to be gracious and understanding of him came second.
Very liberating and also makes me able to support and care for him the way i want to instead of so inconsistently.
it makes me a better friend to him.

The improvement came earlier in my other relationships... took longer in the romantic arena no doubt because of how this type of dynamic triggers historical stuff.

When I recently broke no contact with my last partner to have a final compassionate closure conversation, he mentioned how he was sure that I would think things over and talk to him again and that he knew I was being rash when I walked away. I felt dumbstruck. I spent the month wondering if he had felt any guilt, and he had spent the month wondering when I was going to calm down. It was an interesting and defining moment for me in our relationship - I realised that during n/c both of us were only blaming each other the entire time, and both hoping for and expecting the other to crawl back feeling sorry for their behaviour. I felt really self righteous about being owed an apology for how he last spoke to me and how he treated me, and he was clearly feeling that I was majorly overreacting and would surely calm down at some point and realise I was being over-the-top, and come back as normal feeling embarrassed of myself.

It's interesting how easy it is to accept your own frame of reference as the truth-est truth - and to not be generous enough to understand all of the angles of the truth that we're blind to.

That is so beautiful. Like you say, it's so gentle to be willing to be kind, and to allow yourself to be soft to the person who has so much potential capacity to squash you for your weakness - and when someone doesn't, it's like you say, trust is born. Every time a crossroads moment like that happens, and they pick kindness, and so do you, it's as if the child in you learns that day that somebody loves you, and that strengthens every time.
It would mean so much to me for him to see what happened from my side, and to see how he hurt me, but I don't think he really does have the capacity, even if he does care about me in his own way. In our last conversation, I basically let myself be vulnerable one more time in saying that I don't think he's bad person even if I stomped off, it was my inability to accept that someone didn't want to be with me, and my inability to hold that rejection, because I have a core fear of not being enough. He was just telling the truth, and so my reaction to that wasn't him, it was me. It felt so scary to be seen in being that raw, especially to him, when he had already crushed that in me before.... but there's a beauty in trusting in, and betting on your own truth and in accepting the outcome of that.
He never apologised, and wasn't really able to meet me at my depth, but he was glad I came back, and expressed that. It was the closest thing to closure that an AP like me and an FA like him could have, and I kept my integrity and let myself be seen, regardless of whether or not he could see it and I think that's what matters, right? Taking the risk to be seen - love is in gambling on your worth so much that you will let yourself be seen, and trust that you are just as loveable in that place as in any.