Post by em on Apr 4, 2018 19:42:10 GMT
I am trying to figure out if the few examples I'm about to list are part of the fearful dynamic that my ex had within himself, or if these particular actions were just done out of selfishness or fear.
1. While riding bikes in downtown SF one evening, we came across a row of bench swings along a large body of water. I said we should stop and sit down. It was a pretty romantic feel. He didn't get off of his bike and when I sat down on one, he got off and started to push it really hard as a joke to see how far up I would go. I almost fell off and had to hold on for dear life. It felt like something my brother would do as a joke. I just laughed it off. We got back on our bikes and he stopped a minute later and kissed me randomly and we went on our way.
2. Valentine's Day....He waited for me to say Happy Valentine's Day first. Then, when we went out to eat, they took forever to bring my food out. I was fine with it, but he was wondering why his came out but not mine. He made the comment to me and I said that maybe one of us should get up to go ask them. I was trying to think in my mind about what to do, because they were very crowded. He looked at me and I could really see him thinking about what he should do, but he got up to go see if they had forgotten my food. It was like he was uncomfortable or scared to do something that a guy tends to do in relationships.
3. There were many times when he would do something and show great vulnerability once, but then NEVER do it again. For example, we had an intense argument one day and I left his house shortly afterwards. He knew he had really hurt my feelings, so he called me many times in a row and when I finally answered, he apologized profusely (very unlike him to apologize) and told me he loved me (also very unlike him). But he never did this again. This was actually the most vulnerable he ever was with me, and funny enough, he broke up with me two weeks later. I also remember when we first started dating, he called me one night and I didn't answer because I was asleep. So he texted me an hour later telling me to answer because he wanted to talk to me. His exact words were "Why don't you want to talk to meee
" I honestly cannot believe he sent that, because it was so out of character. But he never did anything like that again. He was also very expressive the first time we had sex, but after that, never again. There isn't anything I can think about that I did to make him feel uncomfortable with being vulnerable. I suppose he was scared to feel vulnerable and that's why he did these things once and then never again. He even hated when I watched him sign a birthday card to a family member, because he was writing "I love you" in it.
He also mentioned once that his career was more important to him than relationships, because a girl could leave you at any time, whereas your career is always there. He never told me a whole lot about his past exes, but I do know that there was a girl he mentioned that he feels used him to get to his friend. He also believes that the ex before me was not truthful with him during their relationship, but he didn't elaborate. He doesn't trust anybody really, but this could have also stemmed from something else.
Thoughts?
1. While riding bikes in downtown SF one evening, we came across a row of bench swings along a large body of water. I said we should stop and sit down. It was a pretty romantic feel. He didn't get off of his bike and when I sat down on one, he got off and started to push it really hard as a joke to see how far up I would go. I almost fell off and had to hold on for dear life. It felt like something my brother would do as a joke. I just laughed it off. We got back on our bikes and he stopped a minute later and kissed me randomly and we went on our way.
2. Valentine's Day....He waited for me to say Happy Valentine's Day first. Then, when we went out to eat, they took forever to bring my food out. I was fine with it, but he was wondering why his came out but not mine. He made the comment to me and I said that maybe one of us should get up to go ask them. I was trying to think in my mind about what to do, because they were very crowded. He looked at me and I could really see him thinking about what he should do, but he got up to go see if they had forgotten my food. It was like he was uncomfortable or scared to do something that a guy tends to do in relationships.
3. There were many times when he would do something and show great vulnerability once, but then NEVER do it again. For example, we had an intense argument one day and I left his house shortly afterwards. He knew he had really hurt my feelings, so he called me many times in a row and when I finally answered, he apologized profusely (very unlike him to apologize) and told me he loved me (also very unlike him). But he never did this again. This was actually the most vulnerable he ever was with me, and funny enough, he broke up with me two weeks later. I also remember when we first started dating, he called me one night and I didn't answer because I was asleep. So he texted me an hour later telling me to answer because he wanted to talk to me. His exact words were "Why don't you want to talk to meee
" I honestly cannot believe he sent that, because it was so out of character. But he never did anything like that again. He was also very expressive the first time we had sex, but after that, never again. There isn't anything I can think about that I did to make him feel uncomfortable with being vulnerable. I suppose he was scared to feel vulnerable and that's why he did these things once and then never again. He even hated when I watched him sign a birthday card to a family member, because he was writing "I love you" in it. He also mentioned once that his career was more important to him than relationships, because a girl could leave you at any time, whereas your career is always there. He never told me a whole lot about his past exes, but I do know that there was a girl he mentioned that he feels used him to get to his friend. He also believes that the ex before me was not truthful with him during their relationship, but he didn't elaborate. He doesn't trust anybody really, but this could have also stemmed from something else.
Thoughts?