what does it feel like when you need "space"?

I feel pretty similar. Being alone is a time to recharge, reflect  and relax.

Reading and creative hobbies are also easier to engage in when I am alone.

Sometimes I am tired and want a bathrobe day. Just relaxing, not having to be or do anything, just flowing and unwinding.

With a partner, I need some alone time to want to cuddle again. After several days together, I feel less attracted.

These are all things secure, especially introverted, people also experience, but for dismissives proportions may be a bit different.
I don't tend to say "I need space" anymore as it sounds very ambiguous. Saying "I need a few days to myself to read and relax" is much more specific and people stay more secure over it.
That said, some people think that the concept of not being able to be together all the time is wrong, but those are not relationship material for me.

I guess it is like one person needing a full 8 hours of sleep and the other needing only 2. It's pretty hard for the latter to fully understand the former. It can be done if you don't take it personally, but many people do. I guess this stems from a combination of low self esteem and a lack of generosity of spirit.

If you would go do something alone and a guy's thought pattern would be "June needs alone time, maybe she is annoyed with me, I'm so boring...maybe she is not attracted...I need to lose weight...maybe it is everything... I'm such a loser" of course he will feel neglected.

When people are incompatible, it is very hard to be satisfied with each other and the relationship gets in the way of happiness for both partners.
Better to be with someone relatively compatible and then work from there.

While most people have a hard time exercising control over their thoughts, most people can keep their thoughts from controlling them to the point of damaging their partner.

Rage and violence is never okay, and know that you are never to blame for any of that. Not that I think you feel that way, but just to have it clear. A decent person, even if his thoughts are looping him into the ground, would have a strong ethical code that keeps him from using violence on his partner. One who does not gets into criminal territory.

My mother said she often felt like she was losing touch with me as a child, and she would get frustrated and raise her voice. Now while this may not be abusive to an average child, I was traumatized already and interpreted this as frightening and felt the need to get away from her to be safe.

I guess a person with comorbidities that damaged his empathy, ethics and/or self control could eventually become actually abusive in an illegal way when he has low self esteem, his only reason for living is his partner and then he feels like he is losing tough with his partner.

A person can have both attachment wounding and a personality disorder, but most people who have attachment wounding do not have a PD. A normal AP guy without comorbidity with try to get closer in a way that is within the law. For example, let her read while being silent but check every 3 minutes if she is open to contact yet or do some repairs hoping she will like him more. Less healthy, but not outlier, would be to blow up her phone, follow her around or continue to talk incessantly until she gives in and checks out emotionally while being physically present. Then it goes for the worse. More healthy boundaries, but still working with the low self esteem thought loop would be to go to the gym, get a hobby and be more interesting and lose weight, the whole effort being focussed on getting your love back. This would actually work a bit, as he might have slightly better self esteem and also spend some time out of doors which results in her having more alone time. It's probably not enough to make the relationship truly satisfying, but can at least stop two people from making each other miserable.

You have a big heart to be working on this. To see hatred is not good for you, to heal anger...
I can't be easy.

hahah thanks, i'm sure!
I wasn't looking at the desire for alone time as being unique to avoidants, as i mentioned in the original post.
But i was looking specifically for avoidant feedback to this post in the support for avoidants forum. 😬

i wasn't trying to put it out in a general way but wanting to compare notes with others of this attachment style as it pays largely into a particular dynamic for us.

thanks for understanding.

yes, much is the same for me.
i don't feel overwhelmed generally tho, it's after a period of high engagement.
my battery goes dead.
my partner is the same.
we are good together because we understand it so well.

just silence if we both feel this way, or if just one of us does, peaceful, kind silence and some affection maybe, and all is well. 

One of the things i appreciate about having a similar temperament this way is that there are no misunderstandings, judgments, or hurt feelings about it.  It's just peaceful around this issue and that means a lot to me. 

i do appreciate that when i need to have space i can actually take space WITH him too, i just curl up by him like a cat and rest and he's good with it.  He can tell me he is unable to interact and we can just be still, it's very good, i have never felt so much myself and accepted actually , because he's the same.  I imagine that's kind of what you're saying, ocarina ? 

i'm unable to relate to this in terms of solitude but i think it's individual.
i don't have negative feelings around it just a need to reset.