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Post by kristyrose on Apr 9, 2018 17:37:16 GMT
Hey everyone,
Took a break from posting for a bit. Been dating a lot and having some fun!
An interesting thing happened to me. As some of you know, not sure how many of the regular people I knew are still on here, but my FA ex ended things with me April 2017 after 2 yrs together. I was pretty devastated being an AP in therapy, however somehow we got back together a month later and have continued to see each other pretty regularly. When I finally said to him, lets just be back together he claimed we were never back together (even though neither of us were dating anyone) and that we are just friends.
So, I decided to start dating and while I met some great people, I was still so addicted to my ex. Until about 2 weeks ago, I met someone and had the most amazing date in my life! The connection was nothing I had felt before. Unlike typical AP behavior, I do not attach quickly. It takes me a while as I've learned I also have some FA traits. However, both of us were equally excited and hopeful, so a few days later we had another date. It wasn't as electric, but still great, yet something did feel off that I could not identify.
Well, we made plans for the following Friday and texted from sun-tues until he abruptly stopped and I haven't heard a peep since. It will be a week tomorrow since I've heard from him. I have never been ghosted before, but I noticed it is triggering some of my abandonment issues, though I am so much better at handling the anxiety that it's not too bd actually. I looked at our old texts and there was literally no sign of this as he told me how much he values being upfront and honest and that he senses I'm a good person and that means a lot to him.
At any rate, I have moved on in my mind and have decided to view it like this: had I not met him, I would never have realized that i CAN move on and get over my ex. I thought this was impossible, but this person showed me its not! Now, for the first time ever, I'm actually excited about dating and the future.
I guess I wanted to share for my fellow AP's and actually just everyone on here who feels hopeless or addicted to their ex. I still have feelings but I feel a kind of hope I haven't had in years.
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Post by DearLover on Apr 9, 2018 19:05:28 GMT
Congratulations on your bravery to get out there and move on!
I am still kind of guarded, in my shell.
Now, about this other guy, how weird! Do you think something unexpected happened to him??
I used to chase the electrical. thrilling, unbelievable connection...Now, if I am ever to meet somebody else, I hope it will start with that nice settled friendship feeling of being comfortable and at easy. I don't want fireworks or butterflies anymore. Juts two feet grounded on the floor and a clear head.
Good luck!
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Post by kristyrose on Apr 10, 2018 16:33:54 GMT
Hi DearLover,
Thank you! It's a work in progress still but I have hope.
In terms of the other guy, I have no idea! I hope nothing happened to him. It's been a week and nothing, so I am just going to keep moving forward and assume I will never see or hear him from him again. Even if I did, what could possibly be a reasonable explanation? Even if something urgent or unexpected came up, it takes 2 seconds to send a quick text. I'm just still shocked that given our communication he would just stop. Also, he was so adamant about honesty and doing the right thing, but I guess it's all talk. I'm probably a bit naive, but I am truly surprised by this. I could see if our dates were just average, but we both equally expressed such joy and unexpected happiness.
At any rate, if he comes back it doesn't make any sense for me to allow him into my life.
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Post by DearLover on Apr 10, 2018 21:05:54 GMT
Of course I know what you are saying, but do you know if he is even still alive? Or badly hurt in hospital?
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Post by kristyrose on Apr 10, 2018 21:12:08 GMT
I really hope he's ok!
My last text was friday evening, I asked if everything is OK? i don't know any of his friends or anything else about him other than a few weeks worth of texts and two dates. I sincerely hope he is OK- but have no other way to get in touch with him.
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 10, 2018 21:18:54 GMT
I really hope he's ok! My last text was friday evening, I asked if everything is OK? i don't know any of his friends or anything else about him other than a few weeks worth of texts and two dates. I sincerely hope he is OK- but have no other way to get in touch with him. Well..that stinks to have him just stop all of a sudden. I know men who can go days without looking at their phones....maybe he is camping or somewhere he doesn't get signal. It seems odd to just disappear after you hit it off so well. |
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Post by kristyrose on Apr 10, 2018 21:22:50 GMT
Hi tnr9!
I hope you are well! Haven't had much of a chance yet to catch up on the board.
We had made plans to hang out Friday, so seemed strange nothing after Tues evening. If he made other plans, I would have assumed he would just tell me. It's the oddest thing I have ever experienced, but I'm glad I didn't get super attached or anything.
It's just weird there is nothing I can do at this point, and no sense trying to figure out what happened. I texted him twice checking in, and nothing. Maybe he is extreme avoidant and we got too close too fast? I do not know. I looked at our texts and he expressed that he could move fast or slow with us, depends on my comfort level- i said slow is best for me, and he said as long as we continue to be so open and communicate, it was all good. he even said he appreciated how we both openly expressed our feelings and attraction despite it being so soon.
Confusing but not my issue to inherit.
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Post by leavethelighton on Apr 10, 2018 23:37:49 GMT
I wonder if this is a case of him being a "doth protest too much" sort of person-- that is, he has to make a point of saying he is all about honesty to compensate for his struggles with honesty, he has to make a big point about talking about doing the right thing because it is so difficult for him to do the right thing, etc. Anyway, it strikes me that your last sentence "Confusing but not my issue to inherit" is very wise. Go you with that attitude!  |
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Post by kristyrose on Apr 11, 2018 0:01:36 GMT
Hmmm this is a good point! He came across a bit like he himself had been burned before and asked me at our first date what my deal breakers are. I said, first and foremost, stonewallers! haha! wow.
Yeah, I'm also trying to keep the attitude of being positive that I met him, because now I know I can truly develop an interest in someone that is not my ex!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2018 13:08:12 GMT
So glad to see another old "face". About that *amazing* new date...some alarm bells ringing for me. Could it have been love-bombing on his part? It's bizarre that he has ghosted, but the lesson we have learned is that if it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, you probably dated a duck.  Stay strong and keep up the dating. It gets better! Believe in yourself. |
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Post by kristyrose on Apr 12, 2018 17:50:01 GMT
Hi Curious!
Glad to "see" you as well! :-)
I don't know if he loved bombed me, maybe? From what I have read on it, it is used as a means of control and a way to set up the person being bombed. I have no idea what went on with this guy, but he obviously doesn't want to see me and didn't think twice about disappearing.
I tend to like quirky guys who aren't too interested, so I was hopeful with this one, as he was very open about being interested and seemed different from the guys I usually like who are much more aloof- now I see underneath he is EXACTLY like the guys I go for!
So a lesson to really keep my eyes open when going on these dates!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2018 18:51:15 GMT
If something REALLY SERIOUS didn't happen to him, it means he's ghosting without warning, without hinting about anything amiss, after getting you to like him like this for a couple of weeks. There are men like that, and also some attractive looking female douchebags I know who like to jerk their unsuspecting admirers around like that. They do that because of deep-seated insecurity.  So if he did, then he's talking like a douchebag, walking like a douchebag and he's probably a douchebag. Don't waste even a moment longer on a douchebag. You're so much better than a douchebag Did I suggest he might be a douchebag?  Hehe..., you can do much better, go on having a great life, having fun dating, don't stop now. COURAGE! Caveat emptor...if it turns out he's just Super DA, and not a douchebag, then apologies to both of you in advance. |
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Post by kristyrose on Apr 13, 2018 17:18:25 GMT
Yeah also what is funny/ironic, he talked about how much he despises "douchebag" behavior! Oh boy.
I'm glad I only had 2 dates with him. I think people come into our lives for a reason, even if brief, there are lessons to be learned. :-)
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 13, 2018 18:08:49 GMT
Yeah also what is funny/ironic, he talked about how much he despises "douchebag" behavior! Oh boy. I'm glad I only had 2 dates with him. I think people come into our lives for a reason, even if brief, there are lessons to be learned. :-) It honestly sounds like you are doing well. 😀 |
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Post by kristyrose on Apr 13, 2018 18:21:51 GMT
hi tnr9!
I am doing well for the most part. I won't lie though, today been a little sad thinking about what happened and wondering what I did wrong... then quickly reminding myself that I did nothing wrong, he just should have told me he didn't want to keep dating. period.
Just hard. I was so hopeful after our dates, so happy for the first time in a long time. After going through what I've experienced with my ex, it made me feel as if I finally got a break. It's OK though, I refuse to let this discourage me, it's just that it IS taking a great deal of effort not to let it.
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So if he did, then he's talking like a douchebag, walking like a douchebag and he's probably a douchebag.
Hehe..., you can do much better, go on having a great life, having fun dating, don't stop now. COURAGE!