Post by nic on Apr 12, 2018 1:58:55 GMT
Hi All,
Let me just say.. I don't even know where I belong anymore. I always dentified myself as a DA. I turned rather AP since I got mixed up with my partner who I thought was a hardcore DA and now seriously looking like a Narcisisst. Dizzy yet? Just wait.. I took the official test on Jeb K. website and it came back with DA but FA in my relationship.
Anyway.. never mind the labels for now. I just want to give an update because as Ive posted in the past I don't really have an outlet for this stuff and appreciate having this place to vent and share what I would otherwise keep to myself.
Its been two weeks since I officially ended my relationship.. I talked about it for longer but didn't pull the trigger right away.
I've been been on and off for a year and a half with this man who doesnt want a relationship, then he does, then he doesn't. I leave and let him pull me back and I know my part in that is taking him back. He's neglectful and distant when were together and full of charm when hes trying to weasel back in and suddenly wants a relationship..until he doesn't. My emotions are on octane continuously. This is not a blame game because I'm in charge of my own life but i was so stressed and after 6 yrs of not smoking started again a year ago.
Current situation - 2 weeks in. I have not cried. I have not smoked. I have not reached out. I have exercised most days (missing just a couple). I'm not stressed. I have only written 3 texts that I'm never going to send (that's good for me). I've interviewed two therapists to get started for the first time ever in therapy. Im kind of feeling peaceful..getting there. Yes..I have thought about him and reminisced the good but remembered the bad too so it cancelled everything out.
However..the last couple of days he's reached out. I unfriended him on social media but we need to communicate for work and I will only ignore completely if hes out of line so I have not blocked cell phone access. I do not feel weak to fall for this again but when I look at the text exchange I see such unhealthiness...
Here is what I believe to be the start of hoovering tactics and me reacting more than I should:
This is two weeks post break up where I last told him I'm done done done!! I hadn't seen him in a couple weeks and when i asked to see him he said he was watching the game with the guys. No biggie except on social media there are videos of a full blown party at his house. I was mad for being excluded and lied to.
Him (Tues): Just wanted to say Hi!! And make sure that your okay
Me: Hey - Im doing fine.
Him (Weds): It was nice seeing you even though you didn’t have much to say..I also heard you met someone..that’s good..congrats
The "seeing" was at work where he brought food to me from the cafeteria.
Me: (I said toooo much....but this is what I said)
I have a lot to say but Ill just keep it to myself. I did not meet anyone else. I been loyal to you since day one. Whether we were good, bad, not talking.. i never got the chance to get over you before we'd be at it again. All you had to do was treat me right.
Me: And congrats?? Good to know you are so OK with it when I do date again.
And here is his final text that I did not respond to. It sounds like a nice realistic response. But remember this man has been dangling the relationship carrot for a year and a half. Pushing the on and off button whenever he feels like it.
Him:
It’s not that I’m “ok” with it but I know that your looking to be in a relationship so what am I supposed to be rude and flip on you!!Thats not me!! You might not think so but I want you to be happy and if that’s being with somebody else bc I make you feel fucked up and unappreciated then I’m fine with that!! We look at things through different scopes and that’s cool bc thats what makes relationships or whatever it is work..but even though I understand what your seeing and wanting through your scope, your not understanding what I’m seeing through mine!! You think I don’t want to be with you!’ Thats not the case!! I tell everyone if I was to settle and get married it will be you!!
Sigh...so I dont ever want to hear from him trying to lure me with the relationship card again. Its not a fun loving relationship anyway. And whenever something is done that would compromise our "relationship" its always convenient to say he never wanted one anyway. Its toxic.
That's all folks. Thanks for letting me vent.
Let me just say.. I don't even know where I belong anymore. I always dentified myself as a DA. I turned rather AP since I got mixed up with my partner who I thought was a hardcore DA and now seriously looking like a Narcisisst. Dizzy yet? Just wait.. I took the official test on Jeb K. website and it came back with DA but FA in my relationship.
Anyway.. never mind the labels for now. I just want to give an update because as Ive posted in the past I don't really have an outlet for this stuff and appreciate having this place to vent and share what I would otherwise keep to myself.
Its been two weeks since I officially ended my relationship.. I talked about it for longer but didn't pull the trigger right away.
I've been been on and off for a year and a half with this man who doesnt want a relationship, then he does, then he doesn't. I leave and let him pull me back and I know my part in that is taking him back. He's neglectful and distant when were together and full of charm when hes trying to weasel back in and suddenly wants a relationship..until he doesn't. My emotions are on octane continuously. This is not a blame game because I'm in charge of my own life but i was so stressed and after 6 yrs of not smoking started again a year ago.
Current situation - 2 weeks in. I have not cried. I have not smoked. I have not reached out. I have exercised most days (missing just a couple). I'm not stressed. I have only written 3 texts that I'm never going to send (that's good for me). I've interviewed two therapists to get started for the first time ever in therapy. Im kind of feeling peaceful..getting there. Yes..I have thought about him and reminisced the good but remembered the bad too so it cancelled everything out.
However..the last couple of days he's reached out. I unfriended him on social media but we need to communicate for work and I will only ignore completely if hes out of line so I have not blocked cell phone access. I do not feel weak to fall for this again but when I look at the text exchange I see such unhealthiness...
Here is what I believe to be the start of hoovering tactics and me reacting more than I should:
This is two weeks post break up where I last told him I'm done done done!! I hadn't seen him in a couple weeks and when i asked to see him he said he was watching the game with the guys. No biggie except on social media there are videos of a full blown party at his house. I was mad for being excluded and lied to.
Him (Tues): Just wanted to say Hi!! And make sure that your okay
Me: Hey - Im doing fine.
Him (Weds): It was nice seeing you even though you didn’t have much to say..I also heard you met someone..that’s good..congrats
The "seeing" was at work where he brought food to me from the cafeteria.
Me: (I said toooo much....but this is what I said)
I have a lot to say but Ill just keep it to myself. I did not meet anyone else. I been loyal to you since day one. Whether we were good, bad, not talking.. i never got the chance to get over you before we'd be at it again. All you had to do was treat me right.
Me: And congrats?? Good to know you are so OK with it when I do date again.
And here is his final text that I did not respond to. It sounds like a nice realistic response. But remember this man has been dangling the relationship carrot for a year and a half. Pushing the on and off button whenever he feels like it.
Him:
It’s not that I’m “ok” with it but I know that your looking to be in a relationship so what am I supposed to be rude and flip on you!!Thats not me!! You might not think so but I want you to be happy and if that’s being with somebody else bc I make you feel fucked up and unappreciated then I’m fine with that!! We look at things through different scopes and that’s cool bc thats what makes relationships or whatever it is work..but even though I understand what your seeing and wanting through your scope, your not understanding what I’m seeing through mine!! You think I don’t want to be with you!’ Thats not the case!! I tell everyone if I was to settle and get married it will be you!!
Sigh...so I dont ever want to hear from him trying to lure me with the relationship card again. Its not a fun loving relationship anyway. And whenever something is done that would compromise our "relationship" its always convenient to say he never wanted one anyway. Its toxic.
That's all folks. Thanks for letting me vent.
