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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2018 17:12:17 GMT
i definitely want to stay together till one of us dies and have mentioned it to him but i would never define the commitment like that, is what i am saying and i don't like to think of the future that way. it's just not my natural perspective, and that kind of promise is not spoken in my language.
it always strikes a weird note with me when someone mentions that. so much can happen in a life, who can say?
i think this might be a confusing sticking point for me. 🤔
further investigation warranted.
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Post by creditech on Apr 14, 2018 7:41:34 GMT
Thanks for your answer and no problem. I'm just trying to make some sense of what happened. Already moved on. In this isolated incident, I'd say I did exhibit some AP traits, probably amplified because of the context in whom I was relating to. However, before I quit, I did attempt assertive communication. Multiple times. I stated repeatedly on separate occasions, "When you don't answer my texts, I feel ignored, feel overlooked, and feel unimportant." She said she'd answer my texts in later conversations too. But it didn't happen. This will be a pattern of behavior I don't feel comfortable working through. Hey Creditect...just for future consideration...it is best to start text messages with "I" sentences..."You" sentences come across as attacking and put the other person on the defense. If I said to you what you said to her...how would you feel? Would you want to respond? 🤔 Case in point " When you don't answer my texts I feel ignored" versus "I really enjoy it when I get a timely response from you. When I don't receive a timely response, I begin to wonder what is going on, and I start to feel unimportant." It's creditech, not Creditect  . I'll memorize the format and use it in the future as part of my toolbox for assertive communication. Thanks for sharing. |
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Post by creditech on Apr 14, 2018 7:50:23 GMT
This is amazing for both of you. That you can both work towards a mutual goal, that's great. Sincerely, I hope you guys sustain a long term till death do you part committment. thank you, i am very happy. i have to admit that the till death part mystifies me, as that is not our goal. i know it is a standard measure of commitment. Our goal is to show up as our best for each other on a daily basis and care for each other with everything we have. i think the longevity of it could be a natural outcome but i am always taken aback and a little startled when someone words it that way! i guess i see a lot of the til death intention without the daily intention to support it so it has lost its meaning to me. i wonder if i have a strange fixation with death because i always remind myself that i could lose him tomorrow and it makes me get centered on being true to him while i can.
i wonder if this is just a difference in perspectives between types? i should start a thread on this some time because it keeps surprising me! Not sure if it's a difference in perspective between types. But I will say this, your attitude towards your relationship is very reassuring. I would definitely commit throug seasons of a relationship with anyone with an attitude like this. Mistake I made with the girl in Moscow was committing too early. We went on date. Kissed. Then instead of pursuing the other 2 girls in Moscow that were interested in me, my principles said it was better to remain loyal to the girl I kissed. I think it's just a natural to kiss some frogs when zooming out to see the larger picture. |
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Post by creditech on Apr 14, 2018 7:53:19 GMT
i definitely want to stay together till one of us dies and have mentioned it to him but i would never define the commitment like that, is what i am saying and i don't like to think of the future that way. it's just not my natural perspective, and that kind of promise is not spoken in my language. it always strikes a weird note with me when someone mentions that. so much can happen in a life, who can say?
i think this might be a confusing sticking point for me. 🤔 further investigation warranted. Wow! That's relationship GOLD. (I chuckled at your last two sentences). Am sure you will be fine. You guys seem like a good catch for each other. |
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Post by creditech on Apr 14, 2018 7:58:08 GMT
I think it's just natural to kiss some frogs when dating. Mathematically, I'm not going to be compatible with everyone I meet. Regarding Moscow, at the beginning of my trip I had 3 girls that were prospective romantic partners. I dated the girl in question first. We kissed. So my principles kept me loyal and committed to her and her only, especially after the kiss. Given that we had corresponded for almost 2 years it seemed at the time a good decision. My mistake is that I committed exclusively to her too early for my comfort level. That exclusive commitment caused me to act out AP traits that otherwise probably wouldn't be present.
It just didn't work out, that's all. And as soon as the lightbulb of her distancing techniques went off (and Jeb Kinnison's book reference which I read) and I realized they weren't going to change, it was time to cut myself out of the picture. I don't fall in love with potential. I bet my time and energy on who the person is being now.
It's admirable how engaged the community is here. Thanks to everyone for your feedback. It helped me grieve and heal.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2018 11:35:59 GMT
i definitely want to stay together till one of us dies and have mentioned it to him but i would never define the commitment like that, is what i am saying and i don't like to think of the future that way. it's just not my natural perspective, and that kind of promise is not spoken in my language. it always strikes a weird note with me when someone mentions that. so much can happen in a life, who can say?
i think this might be a confusing sticking point for me. 🤔 further investigation warranted. Wow! That's relationship GOLD. (I chuckled at your last two sentences). Am sure you will be fine. You guys seem like a good catch for each other. i chuckle at myself sometimes 😁 i'm trying so hard lol enough frogs, go find the girl |
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. I'll memorize the format and use it in the future as part of my toolbox for assertive communication. Thanks for sharing.