Challenge: Is she really fearful-avoidant?

this forum has a long history of many posters jumping to satisfy the curiosity of posters who are not in recovery for their attachment injuries.

many of us have had major trauma and are hurting very badly over trauma old and new but it's always so refreshing to focus on someone else's research project. especially if there is no personal trauma of yours involved. Most people come here to just swap recipes so this will be great.

I don't have any expertise on FA but i know someone here will help shortly. they've probably been waiting for this opportunity so thank you.

best of luck to you!

i was being sarcastic lol.
people are here to heal, i don't know if you read around.
im kind of shocked at your request.
your friend is such a lab rat to you.
it hurt to read your post. about her brother who passed.  her childhood.  her sex life.  her pain. 

but maybe someone will help you analyze her.

it creeps me out what you did here.
its just so creepy.  the detail of her life that you laid out like that.

its just gross.

I'm just interested in human behaviour - when I read the books I had to think of her and started wondering. I wasn't aware this place was more of a self-help forum rather than a place to have a general discussion about the attachment types. I thought that is what the subforum "Support for X" was good for. I will follow your advice and take my interests elsewhere, if that's what you prefer. I will also edit the post to display no further information on the entire issue.

Also, don't get me wrong - I quite appreciate T. She is an intelligent and funny person and a joy to have in my life. As a friend I am not very much affected by her attachment type. Perhaps I thought if I understood the underlying mechanisms a bit better, I would be able to offer some better advice. Also, I would like to stress that I don't look down on any specific attachment type, to me it boils down to a range of psychological needs that are different with every person. Some seek admiration, others seek intimacy, others commitment. Understanding people helps me to satisfy their needs, I believe that is a positive thing.

You may have perceived my post written in a style of a case report, so I am sorry if this doesn't reflect much of my personal emotions - I just deem them irrelevant really, I was just quite curious what people think that have given these attachment styles a lot more thought than I did.

Good look with your healing work here (:

That's a perfectly valid opinion to have on the matter.

There have been a few things that T. entrusted me with that are confidential, which I did not include in the post. The rest is at my liberty to discuss with whomever I like. Quite a lot of the things I mentioned were told to me by people that were involved in friendships or relationships with her. It's very hard to discuss these topics without facts and hard evidence, I could have made a string of generalised statements such as "hypothetically, if someone reacted like this, is this an indicator for being X attachment type?", and I decided to write up an anonymised breakdown of her personality. I tried to add as little personal judgement or bias as I could. In fact, I cpuld have picked any other of my friends to discuss attachment type theory over. For example, I have a friend P. who is happily married despite strong anxious-preoccupied tendencies. P. resolves her insecurities through her own mechanisms and found a working and healthy compromise with her spouse. I value both of them a great deal, but didn't pick their example to discuss because it doesn't have as much depth and complexity to it as T.'s example.

Personally, I am awfully boring. I am securely attached with a secure partner and we have very little drama and quite nicely aligned life goals, ever since we decided we wanted to be together, 8 years ago. We were very good friends and still are. There is not much to talk about, really.

I do take an interest in discussing attachment types or MBTI types of aquaintances, friends or colleagues, understanding what makes them "tick". I frequently discuss these thoughts with my partner, too. 

I have completely misunderstood this forum to be a place (and safe space) for people with past traumata to help each other. I thought it was a forum for attachment type analysis aficionados who were eager to share an opinion on a case. My bad, no hard feelings. Skimming through other parts of the forum, it looks like you may be missing the input of securely attached people - and as an idea for a new thread, perhaps you should start a general discussion of why this may be (:

I may be new to these forums - I hope you don't mind me asking the question - How can you possibly discuss attachment theory sensibly, if you cannot go into the depths and details of the trauma that caused the different types? (secure attachment excluded, obviously). I am not a big fan of censoring "triggering" elements, but I am happy to oblige if that's the rule of the place or a general concensus even.

In this case, I outlined an anonymised case with elements of loss of loved ones, elements of a childhood with an alcoholic parent and and added an honest description of their personality, habits and sex life, verified by multiple sources - everything I deemed important information for an unbiased discussion. I outlined no abuse, nor any shocking details beyond what many of us experience in our lifes. Is it frowned upon to discuss attachment theory in a general way, or, perhaps, around a specific case that may not be the OPs? If so, I have trouble to understand why. I could not find any forum rules that would hint towards it.

I respect that a lot of members of this forum are on some kind of personal "healing" path (and I wish them all the best of luck with it!), but surely that should not keep anyone from discussing attachments beyond our own? I have a strong intellectual curiosity in regards to the theory and not much of a personal story to offer - please be honest: Am I at the wrong place?

I get what you're saying. I have offended people on here because of my curiosity to help me with my understanding. This forum, I would say, has a lot of highly sensitive people that either don't want to or don't know how to regulate emotions. Emotion regulation is influenced by how people interpret things and given that most of us here(and well most everywhere) tend towards negative interpretations, there will be a high probability of negative emotional responses. I would say try quora.