Post by Anxious on Apr 24, 2018 2:59:23 GMT
Hi Guys, I have just finished dating a DM. We are both near our 50s.
I met him online and after 1 date he asked me to keep the following weekend free as I was going to meet his close friends of 20 years. (red flag). On our 3rd date he cooked me dinner and he asked me to go exclusive and was telling me how we were going to be great together. I was overwhelmed (I now know I am an anxious attachment), as I found it rather unusual to move at such a fast pace. In the same breath I was very flattered.
That evening both of us were out having a drink and he told me he was reading this book on Pedeophiles and Psychotics. I blurted out my dad was a pedeophile (WHY?) and he disclosed a very disturbing history from his past. That night we became intimate and were up until 3 in the morning. The next morning I headed home (again overwhelmed and incredibly jaded). He asked me to be at his by 3 pm and he would cook for me before we headed out. We were both tired and jaded. (I was also thinking how lucky am I to have a guy that cooks for me, gardens, and is so INDEPENDENT).
We headed out to meet his friends, and from the moment we got out of the taxi, he headed ahead of me and I stopped until he turned around and came back. His friends adore him and they were lovely. He then proceeded to sit across the room and left me on my own, while his friends circulated talking to me (husbands and wives). This was very awkward.
When we left, I needed space as I was a bit hurt that he would leave me on my own. He wanted me to stay the night but I went home.
The following week I caught up with him on the Saturday as I was with my sister on the Friday. He was very attentive, and cooked again. Bear in mind, during these stages, he was also incredibly affectionate and very clear that he wanted me as a partner. Me being an anxious attachment became more anxious.
We had been very intimate and the fireworks fly with us.
On the third week, we caught up on the Saturday, he cooked dinner then proceeded to pick me up, lie me on the couch for some cuddling and kissing which was nice. Then he stood up and took his clothes off which gave me a bit of a start. We proceeded to be intimate and during that time he was very intense and disclosed he had been thinking about me all week. Once we finished he got up and progressively distanced himself, reading a book while I sat there.
We headed out that evening and had a lot of fun. And when we got home, a lot of sex.
The next morning he wasnt feeling to great, had cooked a meal in the crock pot and I asked him if he wasnt well, did he want to spend the day on his own, and he replied yes, which surprised me. I felt uncomfortable but headed home and chilled out.
I phoned him to check how he was in the afternoon, and as always said thank you for a wonderful night and for cooking. I also told him how sexy he was and how I love being intimate with him. he was annoyed with that which was uncomfortable. I asked him if I offended him and said I wouldnt say that again. I was also quite confused because he would always say those things to me. After I hung up I went into flight mode and text him that he may not be ready for a relationship (projecting) we have communication issues which were problematic for a committed relationship and mentioned if I read the situation wrong , lets discuss it. Otherwise maybe we should see other people. I also asked him to put any clothes I left behind, in the letterbox. He responded they were in the letter box and if that was what I wanted thats ok. All the best. He then deleted me as a friend and proceeded to add a single status on facebook.
I felt terrible and a little releived. I had felt a lot of pressure in the relationship and ran in fear of an eventual rejection so did what I usual do and opt out first. (Sad).
I visited my counsellor the next day and she told me to contact him as we were good together and I totally sabotaged the relationship, (not wrong). I did text him and say I realised it was me with the issues through fear of rejection and if he could find it in his heart to start again.
His response was "Ive had a think about it and I dont think wed work out long term. You're a good person but you're not the one for me. I wish you all the best with your future".
I feel sad that I hurt him and proud that I owned my fears. I have never experienced such a full on instant relationship or intensity before and frankly it scared the crap out of me. I was anxious all of the time and felt like I was caught in a very strong current that I couldn't swim against. We only dated for 3 weeks!
Can someone explain to me what the hell happened and did I read him correctly on the last morning I saw him. I felt he had checked out or was I being hypo sensitive? Also, obviously he is angry. Will that be the last I see or hear from him? I find the whole situation bizzare.
I met him online and after 1 date he asked me to keep the following weekend free as I was going to meet his close friends of 20 years. (red flag). On our 3rd date he cooked me dinner and he asked me to go exclusive and was telling me how we were going to be great together. I was overwhelmed (I now know I am an anxious attachment), as I found it rather unusual to move at such a fast pace. In the same breath I was very flattered.
That evening both of us were out having a drink and he told me he was reading this book on Pedeophiles and Psychotics. I blurted out my dad was a pedeophile (WHY?) and he disclosed a very disturbing history from his past. That night we became intimate and were up until 3 in the morning. The next morning I headed home (again overwhelmed and incredibly jaded). He asked me to be at his by 3 pm and he would cook for me before we headed out. We were both tired and jaded. (I was also thinking how lucky am I to have a guy that cooks for me, gardens, and is so INDEPENDENT).
We headed out to meet his friends, and from the moment we got out of the taxi, he headed ahead of me and I stopped until he turned around and came back. His friends adore him and they were lovely. He then proceeded to sit across the room and left me on my own, while his friends circulated talking to me (husbands and wives). This was very awkward.
When we left, I needed space as I was a bit hurt that he would leave me on my own. He wanted me to stay the night but I went home.
The following week I caught up with him on the Saturday as I was with my sister on the Friday. He was very attentive, and cooked again. Bear in mind, during these stages, he was also incredibly affectionate and very clear that he wanted me as a partner. Me being an anxious attachment became more anxious.
We had been very intimate and the fireworks fly with us.
On the third week, we caught up on the Saturday, he cooked dinner then proceeded to pick me up, lie me on the couch for some cuddling and kissing which was nice. Then he stood up and took his clothes off which gave me a bit of a start. We proceeded to be intimate and during that time he was very intense and disclosed he had been thinking about me all week. Once we finished he got up and progressively distanced himself, reading a book while I sat there.
We headed out that evening and had a lot of fun. And when we got home, a lot of sex.
The next morning he wasnt feeling to great, had cooked a meal in the crock pot and I asked him if he wasnt well, did he want to spend the day on his own, and he replied yes, which surprised me. I felt uncomfortable but headed home and chilled out.
I phoned him to check how he was in the afternoon, and as always said thank you for a wonderful night and for cooking. I also told him how sexy he was and how I love being intimate with him. he was annoyed with that which was uncomfortable. I asked him if I offended him and said I wouldnt say that again. I was also quite confused because he would always say those things to me. After I hung up I went into flight mode and text him that he may not be ready for a relationship (projecting) we have communication issues which were problematic for a committed relationship and mentioned if I read the situation wrong , lets discuss it. Otherwise maybe we should see other people. I also asked him to put any clothes I left behind, in the letterbox. He responded they were in the letter box and if that was what I wanted thats ok. All the best. He then deleted me as a friend and proceeded to add a single status on facebook.
I felt terrible and a little releived. I had felt a lot of pressure in the relationship and ran in fear of an eventual rejection so did what I usual do and opt out first. (Sad).
I visited my counsellor the next day and she told me to contact him as we were good together and I totally sabotaged the relationship, (not wrong). I did text him and say I realised it was me with the issues through fear of rejection and if he could find it in his heart to start again.
His response was "Ive had a think about it and I dont think wed work out long term. You're a good person but you're not the one for me. I wish you all the best with your future".
I feel sad that I hurt him and proud that I owned my fears. I have never experienced such a full on instant relationship or intensity before and frankly it scared the crap out of me. I was anxious all of the time and felt like I was caught in a very strong current that I couldn't swim against. We only dated for 3 weeks!
Can someone explain to me what the hell happened and did I read him correctly on the last morning I saw him. I felt he had checked out or was I being hypo sensitive? Also, obviously he is angry. Will that be the last I see or hear from him? I find the whole situation bizzare.
) and then at a certain point, he wants to return to you again. If you can respect his needs, it can work if you start to understand the timing of this cycle.
but you get my gist. It's a perfect, happy little occasion if you weren't feeling so anxious, you might have enjoyed it and made friends of your own among his friends. So to me, Green Flags waving here. 
