The problem with breathing: (expacially if you use your breath as a Go-To resource)
An SE-therapist explains:
Rather than direct a breathing pattern right at the start, what I suggest is to first:
a) Just notice your breath. b) See if you can not change it the moment you notice it.
Just learning these two steps can be very useful, especially for those of you, who use your breath as a Go-To resource. When directed to consciously breathe a little more on the shallow side of things, and stay attuned to your body sensations and emotions, little hidden gremlins of emotions, stored up sensations and trapped trauma start to surface. And, believe it or not, this is what you want!
Deep breathing and resourcing (going to a person’s happy place), while effective in soothing the nervous system, can actually hinder the stored up body memories from releasing. Our deep breathing and resourcing practices are good when we’re driving, on stage presenting a workshop, flying in the air – but these management practices aren’t resolving stuck trauma, they are only “managing” them better.
mindful breathing is my go to for these very reasons. i don't manipulate the breath i just become aware.
Maybe you are feeling discomfort and stress when your partner approaches you, or you get anxious, when your partner is about to leave for a few days.
Feel the pain, lean into it and stay with it for as long as you can in a managble way.
It is not about getting overwhelmed but stay with that growing pit in your stomach, the slight headache, the tension in your chest or sholders and the sense of dread as it comes on. Try this before you use your usual self care strategies.
Locate the discomfort in your body. Where is it exactly ? Does it stay in one place, move around, come and go ?
Remember that the discomfort isent about your partner, but your attachment history!!!
Thats the source of your discomfort. If you notice any resistance to this step, it is okay. Just notice the sensations that arise from the resistance. Are they different form your original discomfort ? What are they like ? Feel what's happening now in your body.
Regonise these feelings as your attachment history showing up the only way it knows how to. Say hallo to it. Give it a seat at the table. Open your heart to it, an hear what it has to say. What does it want to tell you ? Check in with your body again. Has anything changed ? Has the sensations become stronger or weaker ? Have they moved somewhere else in your body ? Do you note any different sensations in your body ? Associated with relaxation and well-being ? Welcome what ever shows up with kind attention.
If things becomes too intense, it's okay to stop You can switch to an activity that gives you stability - a ressource that brings you relief and regulation. Compassion with yourself is important
Raice arms up and hold in air, as if reaching toward mother (longing)
Reach one out in front and close fist as if grabbing something tight and then bring arm in to rest, closed fist, against chest as if grabbing something tight and then bring arm into rest, closed fist, against fist as if not letting something go. (Repeat with Other hand)
With open palm and moving palm out in front of body , push and hold at a distance as if pushing away and keeping something at a distance but maining contact.
Give is to Extend arm and open palm downward. (As if giving something to someone) Recieve is to have arm extended with open palm up. People who can't give, also can't receive,
Personal space. Move arms out to side and up/down like jumping jack, but slower and only use arms (not legs). Engage deltoid muscles.
Crossing arms as if you are holding / hugging. People can be collapsed or puffed forward in a frozen way.
Eyeball exercise (good for avoidant and desorganised attatched):
Letting the eyeballs sink into the eyes and imagine that the eyeballs lands on a soft pillow (avoidants and desorganized - they can have a "harsh/starring look" in their eyes, because they can be watching out for "danger-signales"). Also a good way to gruond, because they can have a hard time feeling the body and if/or/when they feel the body, they can somehow get activated)
(Diane Poole Heller)
Working with the facial mussels, can also help to loosen up the face and make the face look more friendly and welcoming to other people. And it can help the person to be able to better regoise their feelings
(An SE, bodyworker, fitness trainer, stress coach)
Pendulation (All attatchmentstyles - But also helps dismissives go from their head down in their body and Up again) This is an SE exercise/technique.
This is a good and simple activity for the release of locked energy, which you can use in your everyday life.
It is called pendulation because you swing between two modes. You really switch between resources (R +) and something that is difficult or uncomfortable (R-). It relieves some of the trauma energy in the nerveussystem. It is the natural way of the nervous system to relieve traumatize energy. The art is, only to short "greet" the negative, and then dwell more on the resources.
This activity allows you to start practicing while you are relatively undisturbed. Once you've been trained in making it, it's great to do anywhere and at any time. And of course especially if there's something that bothers you.
Feel the place in the body, that does not feel strange. If you absolutely can not feel the place in the body that is uncomfortable or just excited, just think about the situation which is (a little) challenging for you (R-) Find a place in the body where it feels more comfortable R + Then you change your focus between marking R + and then marking R- You must focus most on R + Many times just say hi to R- and go quickly back to R + If there is much energy in R-, then do not feel the area itself, but just feel the edge of the area If you can not feel the body or anything else in the body, then it is to uncomfortable, imagine doing one of the things that usually give you a good feeling. And use this as R +.
Imagine your nervous system as a ladder, with ventral vagal at the top, sympathetic in the middle, and dorsal vagal at the bottom.
You start by writing down your typical feelings and behaviors when you’re in a sympathetic state, often using words and phrases like out of control, angry, confrontational, fearful, and desperately seeking.
Then do the same for your experiences of being in dorsal vagal, which may include silent, out of focus, numb, hopeless, helpless, shut down, and feeling abandoned and unwanted.
Finally you recall times of being firmly planted at the top of the ladder—the ventral vagal zone. These typically include such descriptors as openhearted, engaged, curious, and playful.
Complete your personal profile by finishing two sentences for each state: “I am . . .” and “The world is . . . .”:
In a ventral state, you typically characterize your story as something like “I belong” and “the world is welcoming and filled with opportunity.”
In sympathetic, you may say, “I feel crazy, panicked. I’m trapped in a world that’s unfriendly and scary.” W
When in dorsal, the response is something like: “I’m invisible, unlovable, lost, alone. The world is cold and empty.”
can you be in both sympathetic and dorsal state at the same time??
Vocalization is a quick way to stimulate your vagus nerve. Vocal cord vibrations nourish the vagus nerve and strengthens vagal tone by elongating the exhales. Sing along with Jill and Stephanie, as they take you through three very distinct vocal tones designed to target specific areas that directly connect to your tenth cranial nerve. Singing aloud and together also induces a sense of community and belonging which creates a sense of peace and calm. Close your eyes, feel into the vibrations, let the vagus nerve guide you along the pathway of down regulation.
The muscles of the face share a deep connection with the vagus nerve also called the tenth cranial nerve. In this video, Jill demonstrates how to mobilize and massage specific muscles and bones of the face to illicit a global relaxation response and tone down facial tensions. Using YTU Therapy balls or your fingers, apply gentle pressures to these specific points to stimulate the vagus nerve. Focus on our breath, allowing the exhale to be slightly longer than the inhales.
The first placement is the TMJ - Temporal Mandibular Joint. The muscles associated with this joint are the masseter and the pterygoids and are responsible for the movements of the jaw. The bony structures that make up this joint are the mandible, zygoma and maxilla. Follow along with this deeply internal massage designed to de-stress these eating, talking and teeth clenching muscles!
The second muscular placement is the levator labii superioris alaeque nasi. This muscle runs down the lateral aspect (sides) of the nose and is your nose scrunching (think bunny rabbit) muscle, drawing your upper lip towards your nose.
The next placement is in the third eye region or procerus muscle, a pyramid shaped muscle between the eyebrows that pulls the skin between the eyebrows down with the help of the corrugator supercilii muscle.
The last muscular placement is the temporalis muscle, right above the zygomatic arch which is the origin point for the masseter and part of the temporalis muscle. The temporalis muscle elevates the lower jaw in order to bite or close it.
The final stop on our fascia facial is the ears, Using your index fingers, explore the concha, our just outside the inner ear. Close your eyes and feel how all these moves create a sense of whole body harmony.
Your kidneys and adrenals are the little powerhouses of the stress response. When we go into a stress response, they activate and react severely to the stimulus (the stressor), by contracting and secreting your main fast-acting stress chemical – adrenaline.
If the stress continues, cortisol, another major stress hormone, releases into the bloodstream.
If our stress level stays elevated for too long, and we don’t come down and out of the stress response, these chemicals, both adrenaline but especially cortisol, become toxic to the body systems. This continual secretion of cortisol is what, over time, creates adrenal fatigue, burnout, and in the worst case scenario, autoimmune conditions and other conditions that have inflammatory characteristics, such as ulcerative colitis, fibromyalgia, chronic skin conditions, and other debilitating ailments that leave a person in ill health.
Many of our classic chronic conditions in the Western world are a direct result of this stress response being always on, the chemicals never re-absorbing back into the body, and the body not being able to repair fast enough to keep up with the breakdown.
THE REPAIR: To get to the ROOT cause of this excessive secretion of our stress chemicals, it makes sense to go to the place in which the chemicals are released, and that is at the actual kidney/adrenal interface.
Healing the body tissues, organ systems and chemical pathways of our body.
This is what we are doing when we work at the level of the kidney/adrenal interface.
You are literally asking and giving those little organs and glands THE PERMISSION to COME DOWN. You are demanding (in a nice friendly way) that they lessen their grip, and release and relax.
The more you can tap into this kidney/adrenal interface and speak to it, the more you are able to bring regulation and ease back into your nervous system.
Work with a partner: There are a few ways to do the K/A work with a partner. One, is to do it from the side and to just work 1 side at a time. The person with active touch can place one hand directly on the kidney underneath, and the other hand on the torso/ribs from above. With their attention clear and present, they can hold the kidney between their two hands and this can be a nice way to practice. Another way is for you to lie on your side, if that is comfortable, and the other person can place both their hands on both kidneys at the same time. Another option is to lay on your front (head facing down) and the person can place their hands on the kidneys from the top. All are good options, just whatever feels more comfortable for you and your partner. And remember, the energy is guided by attention, so if there attention is attuned and clear, the work works!
By yourself: You can try to put your hands on the specific area.. Or you can lie on your back and You can put a small pillow if that feels good. What can also work great is a small beanbag or a small soft juggling sack, because it is a similar size. What you can also do is put some sand or sugar in a small ziploc bag and adjust it to the size that gives you a reference point that you can feel but isn't too big or bulky. With the Kidney/Adrenal work, awareness and attention is everything, so the actual tool isn't important as long as your intention is present and clear.