Post by bryan on Apr 29, 2018 19:20:30 GMT
Hey guys,
I'm new here. First of all, I'm not a native speaker so sorry if I make some mistakes. Also, I discovered this forum recently and I'm really thankful that it exists, I really learned a lot here. I have a basic knowledge about attachment styles but it's really nice to read real stories, that helps to put things in perspective.
I used to think that I was avoidant, but I took the online test (in which I fall into the secure region, see below) and I also took the test from the book of Levine (in which I had the exact same score for each attachment style)
The thing is I'm in my mid-20s and I'm pretty certain that when I grew up I was avoidant. I grew up in a religious family and we didn't really talk about emotions and sex before marrying wasn't really allowed. At one point, I realised that I actually was agnostic and wanted to follow my own path.
In the beginning it was really difficult for me to get intimate but I saw a psychologist for a while, learned a ton about myself, read a lot of stuff, and implemented a lot of things in my life and also had a long-term relationship, I learned to recognise my feelings and I fully accepted the fact that I have attachment needs and no longer have an extreme need to be independent and no longer see emotions as a form of weakness. I can say that I think completly differently now. Still, I considered myself as an avoidant, because I'm still finding myself pulling back in my dating life.
But then I thought, it's not anymore because I fear intimacy, absolutely not actually. It's more of a conscious decision rather than an urge. I was constantly getting mixed signals, but still I blamed myself because I was like maybe I have to be more assertive about where I want this to go. Then as I read more and more in this forum, it hit me, 5 out of the 6 girls/female friends that recently showed strong interest in me have so many characteristics of avoidant attachment (the other girl was AP and we had a long-term relationship). I'm happy that I did the most healthy thing and backed off quickly.
But still, I'm asking myself why do I keep attracting avoidant people?
P.S. It's not that I'm interested in people who show avoidant tendencies, I was only really interested in 1 of those girls. Honestly, it's a real turnoff for me whenever I realise that someone has the tendency to suppress her feelings.
I'm new here. First of all, I'm not a native speaker so sorry if I make some mistakes. Also, I discovered this forum recently and I'm really thankful that it exists, I really learned a lot here. I have a basic knowledge about attachment styles but it's really nice to read real stories, that helps to put things in perspective.
I used to think that I was avoidant, but I took the online test (in which I fall into the secure region, see below) and I also took the test from the book of Levine (in which I had the exact same score for each attachment style)
According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.17, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.61, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).
Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.
Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure region of the space. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.
In the beginning it was really difficult for me to get intimate but I saw a psychologist for a while, learned a ton about myself, read a lot of stuff, and implemented a lot of things in my life and also had a long-term relationship, I learned to recognise my feelings and I fully accepted the fact that I have attachment needs and no longer have an extreme need to be independent and no longer see emotions as a form of weakness. I can say that I think completly differently now. Still, I considered myself as an avoidant, because I'm still finding myself pulling back in my dating life.
But then I thought, it's not anymore because I fear intimacy, absolutely not actually. It's more of a conscious decision rather than an urge. I was constantly getting mixed signals, but still I blamed myself because I was like maybe I have to be more assertive about where I want this to go. Then as I read more and more in this forum, it hit me, 5 out of the 6 girls/female friends that recently showed strong interest in me have so many characteristics of avoidant attachment (the other girl was AP and we had a long-term relationship). I'm happy that I did the most healthy thing and backed off quickly.
But still, I'm asking myself why do I keep attracting avoidant people?
P.S. It's not that I'm interested in people who show avoidant tendencies, I was only really interested in 1 of those girls. Honestly, it's a real turnoff for me whenever I realise that someone has the tendency to suppress her feelings.
