Post by Natalia on Oct 15, 2016 17:19:42 GMT
Hi! I am 21 years old and just getting out of my first breakup so I sort of had a really emotional response... I am sure you get a lot of stories like this but I would really appreciate your opinions to help me understand & move on 
So my ex boyfriend was very persistant when we first met about dating me... sort of moving the relationship really quickly, I had no previous experience and he was a couple years older and had already been in a relationship so I just assumed this was normal. (being in a relationship after only knowing each other a month and me very unsure about his behavior)
initally, as a virgin, he kind of made me nervous about sex because he was very forceful and like.. all over me very quickly and I sort of felt pressure to sleep with him, despite him saying he thought he might be asexual and didn't mind if I stayed a virgin- but he would like masterbate in the bathroom when i stayed at his house (i think he thought I couldn't hear him) and would be kind of disappointed when I wanted to move slower or would stop him from having sex when I felt uncomfortable.
When I did finally sleep with him he seemed a little disappointed and from that point on our sex was very rare... and I always felt a bit weird looking in his eyes like they were so empty and emotionless and eventually he stopped initiating sex all together and seemed under pressure when I would ask for it. Also I know he watched porn and masterbated twice a week as well as fb stalked other girls.
I became very bonded to him since he was my first sexual experience as well as first kiss so this was really hard for be to understand how he seemed to become more distant and eventually it got to the point where he was like "you are the one who wants sex so you should seduce me or something" as a virgin with some self image issues this made me so sad and made sex a really depressing thing full of rejection...
Our relationship despite that he said he loved me as a person but after I started asking for more from him like... stop lying to me, introduce me to your friends, text me as mmuch as you text other girls, he then started saying he was unsure if he really loved me, or he said that he loved me "sometimes". I wasn't afraid of him cheating on me but I just felt like he kept me in this small box labelled girlfriend and being in that box meant I could not really be a part of any other aspect in his life- he was super independant and needed a lot of time alone. I think at this point I was anxious preoccupied- I genuinely feel like I was secure at the beginning of the relationship but I just excused so much strange behavior (as it was my frist relationship and I tried to be very undrstanding) that it got to a point where I could not handle the alienation I felt from his life. Also I may add that I am a foreigner in his country and I could not communicate with his friends easily as well as being alone and far away from my family it was kind of lonely dating someone who seemed mad when I expressed my weaker feelings.
In the very beginning of our relationship he seemed to want me to rely on him- he made my phone contract for me, helped with beurocratic things, helped me learn the language, etc. but by the end he was very mean about how I was not independant enough and scolded me a lot. (I also want to note that I did not ask him to do these things for me- he insisted or offered and eventually his attitude got too much that I just went on to do them alone anyway but I guess I resented that my own boyfriend had such an attitude about helping me in a foreign country so different from my own)
This kind of went on for a while where the relationship got so bad... and he was breaking up with me when I misinterpreted text messages I read on his phone from a girl and I was accepting it but I made him cry and he took it back, a week later he said that he realized he has loved me all along and wants to move in with me and marry me etc. etc. BUT he also has sexual attraction to other women which causes him to suppress his sexual desire as a whole since he felt so guilty about that.
He asked for a 6 month break to sleep with other girls and explore to get out his sexual urges
I said no and started to break up with him, and he felt so bad and then convinced me that he would work on this with me and that he loved me so much, so I believed him
but then inevitably I became sooOOOooo much more insecure and he actually became a lot colder also. He told me that "there is always a possibility of me meeting someone new at one of the many social networking events I go to" kinda thing... so I became super insecure and eventually one night I asked "do you want to have sex" he said "we can" and I asked "Do you want to though?" he said "no but we can!"
and then I broke up with him.
Anyway he seemed very happy about the breakup which hurt me very deeply, he had been my first relationship for over a year and almost like a family in the foreign country. I was hurt at how he said that he was going to be better for the next girl, that I should just move on, that I mean nothing to him other than just some girl he used to date after only two weeks. I acted immaturely and hurt during the breakup as I was really in pain and confusion over his extremely cold behavior.
Anyway there is more details I can add if you need help understanding but it would help me greatly for your responses.
Thank you.
So my ex boyfriend was very persistant when we first met about dating me... sort of moving the relationship really quickly, I had no previous experience and he was a couple years older and had already been in a relationship so I just assumed this was normal. (being in a relationship after only knowing each other a month and me very unsure about his behavior)
initally, as a virgin, he kind of made me nervous about sex because he was very forceful and like.. all over me very quickly and I sort of felt pressure to sleep with him, despite him saying he thought he might be asexual and didn't mind if I stayed a virgin- but he would like masterbate in the bathroom when i stayed at his house (i think he thought I couldn't hear him) and would be kind of disappointed when I wanted to move slower or would stop him from having sex when I felt uncomfortable.
When I did finally sleep with him he seemed a little disappointed and from that point on our sex was very rare... and I always felt a bit weird looking in his eyes like they were so empty and emotionless and eventually he stopped initiating sex all together and seemed under pressure when I would ask for it. Also I know he watched porn and masterbated twice a week as well as fb stalked other girls.
I became very bonded to him since he was my first sexual experience as well as first kiss so this was really hard for be to understand how he seemed to become more distant and eventually it got to the point where he was like "you are the one who wants sex so you should seduce me or something" as a virgin with some self image issues this made me so sad and made sex a really depressing thing full of rejection...
Our relationship despite that he said he loved me as a person but after I started asking for more from him like... stop lying to me, introduce me to your friends, text me as mmuch as you text other girls, he then started saying he was unsure if he really loved me, or he said that he loved me "sometimes". I wasn't afraid of him cheating on me but I just felt like he kept me in this small box labelled girlfriend and being in that box meant I could not really be a part of any other aspect in his life- he was super independant and needed a lot of time alone. I think at this point I was anxious preoccupied- I genuinely feel like I was secure at the beginning of the relationship but I just excused so much strange behavior (as it was my frist relationship and I tried to be very undrstanding) that it got to a point where I could not handle the alienation I felt from his life. Also I may add that I am a foreigner in his country and I could not communicate with his friends easily as well as being alone and far away from my family it was kind of lonely dating someone who seemed mad when I expressed my weaker feelings.
In the very beginning of our relationship he seemed to want me to rely on him- he made my phone contract for me, helped with beurocratic things, helped me learn the language, etc. but by the end he was very mean about how I was not independant enough and scolded me a lot. (I also want to note that I did not ask him to do these things for me- he insisted or offered and eventually his attitude got too much that I just went on to do them alone anyway but I guess I resented that my own boyfriend had such an attitude about helping me in a foreign country so different from my own)
This kind of went on for a while where the relationship got so bad... and he was breaking up with me when I misinterpreted text messages I read on his phone from a girl and I was accepting it but I made him cry and he took it back, a week later he said that he realized he has loved me all along and wants to move in with me and marry me etc. etc. BUT he also has sexual attraction to other women which causes him to suppress his sexual desire as a whole since he felt so guilty about that.
He asked for a 6 month break to sleep with other girls and explore to get out his sexual urges
I said no and started to break up with him, and he felt so bad and then convinced me that he would work on this with me and that he loved me so much, so I believed him
but then inevitably I became sooOOOooo much more insecure and he actually became a lot colder also. He told me that "there is always a possibility of me meeting someone new at one of the many social networking events I go to" kinda thing... so I became super insecure and eventually one night I asked "do you want to have sex" he said "we can" and I asked "Do you want to though?" he said "no but we can!"
and then I broke up with him.
Anyway he seemed very happy about the breakup which hurt me very deeply, he had been my first relationship for over a year and almost like a family in the foreign country. I was hurt at how he said that he was going to be better for the next girl, that I should just move on, that I mean nothing to him other than just some girl he used to date after only two weeks. I acted immaturely and hurt during the breakup as I was really in pain and confusion over his extremely cold behavior.
Anyway there is more details I can add if you need help understanding but it would help me greatly for your responses.
Thank you.
