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Post by leavethelighton on Apr 30, 2018 0:11:12 GMT
I didn't watch those videos because I really don't like watching videos, but one of my favorite scenes from the show is when the main character (Carrie) wants her space from a boyfriend (Aiden) and he's like "okay" so she goes off to another room to sit alone, and after a couple of minutes she gets bored and returns to the room he is in to snuggle. She comments about how sometimes when you know you can get it, then you don't need it.
But it kills me how much she is in an AP-DA thing with "Big" and how that tension goes on and on without his really being able to be truly intimate. It made me skeptical about the end of the show.
It seems like a lot of the men on the show had more secure attachment styles than the women however. Like Aiden, or Harry, or the dude who was the famous model (forgot his name) who Samantha realized she just couldn't be with.
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 30, 2018 3:08:15 GMT
I think movies and TV like to make impossible relationships seem to work...and that drives me crazy because my hope goes...look...there is an example of an emotionally unavailable man having a normal relationship...if I just act like that woman..I can make that type of relationship work. Ugh!!!!
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Post by Jaeger on Apr 30, 2018 10:46:51 GMT
I think movies and TV like to make impossible relationships seem to work...and that drives me crazy because my hope goes...look...there is an example of an emotionally unavailable man having a normal relationship...if I just act like that woman..I can make that type of relationship work. Ugh!!!! TV is a medium that spins reality in a way that nets them the most viewers. Keeping that realization in the back of one's mind helps to differentiate it from reality. What I would like to add is that, while it's not impossible to make such relationships work in a statistical sense, I feel many people in relationships (or wanting to be in one) with an emotionally unavailable person grossly overestimate their chances of actually pulling it off. To which the question would be, "What about you drives you to look continually for something you need in someone who is the least likely to be able to provide it?" |
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 30, 2018 11:43:33 GMT
I think movies and TV like to make impossible relationships seem to work...and that drives me crazy because my hope goes...look...there is an example of an emotionally unavailable man having a normal relationship...if I just act like that woman..I can make that type of relationship work. Ugh!!!! TV is a medium that spins reality in a way that nets them the most viewers. Keeping that realization in the back of one's mind helps to differentiate it from reality. What I would like to add is that, while it's not impossible to make such relationships work in a statistical sense, I feel many people in relationships (or wanting to be in one) with an emotionally unavailable person grossly overestimate their chances of actually pulling it off. To which the question would be, "What about you drives you to look continually for something you need in someone who is the least likely to be able to provide it?" It is a very valid question and the most simple answer is...it is "familiar". I can only speak for myself, but the inconsistency mirrors a pattern....the little girl in me says...this time I can make it work....this time, if I do "this" and "this", I will get the love I wanted. I do think there is something about the addictive "high" that I get when I do get attention/validation....never mind the devistating "low" that follows. Awareness is half the battle...not going with what is familiar has proven much more challenging. By the way...the little girl in me is absolutely in love with Ali from Rust and Bone if you want an example of my "type". |
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 30, 2018 13:21:55 GMT
I think APs confuses longing with love. When love becomes available the AP loose interessest and turns around and look for somebody else they can long for. So who's the "bad" guy? I think it is more that there is a familiarity in inconsistent treatment that creates a pattern of "longing" simply due to the nature of how inconsistency works. Obviously, no one "chooses" to continue patterns that ultimately hurts the end goal of finding stable and consistent love...a lot of these patterns are "acted out" unconciously. I do not believe in a bad guy...I do believe that our unconcious patterns often leave us feeling like it is either blame ourself or blame the other person. I have several secure female friends, but have yet to find the same in my male friends. Perhaps it is location or age group....but it seems that there are more insecures than secures in the singles dating pool. I am grateful for the secure friends that I do have as they have embraced me as I am. No labels of AP or anything else. |
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Post by leavethelighton on May 1, 2018 23:55:18 GMT
I think APs confuses longing with love. When love becomes available the AP loose interessest and turns around and look for somebody else they can long for. So who's the "bad" guy? Sure, but our feelings don't operate out of that sort of logic. And our society-- media, etc.-- does perpetuate the idea that desire, intensity, etc. are major defining characteristics of "love." But even if you know it's an unhealthy or problematic way to view "love," that doesn't mean it's easy to just shake off or walk away from desire. Sometimes I think the older I get the less I know what "love" actually is, since my youthful versions of it led to such disillusionment. What does it REALLY mean to be "in love"? I have no idea, because the only times I thought I was, it was defined by unfulfilled desire. |
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Post by tnr9 on May 2, 2018 11:15:37 GMT
I think movies and TV like to make impossible relationships seem to work...and that drives me crazy because my hope goes...look...there is an example of an emotionally unavailable man having a normal relationship...if I just act like that woman..I can make that type of relationship work. Ugh!!!! Tnr9 - you don't have to copy paste Carries relationship. What about men like Steve, Harry, Smith Jerrod or Aiden ? Miy comment was one in general terms....I don't watch sex in the city. |
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