Common Negative Traits and Themes | Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum

aubreyap
New Member

Posts: 20

Common Negative Traits and Themes May 8, 2018 3:29:39 GMT via mobile

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Post by aubreyap on May 8, 2018 3:29:39 GMT

Hi guys! I saw my counselor today and she gave me a personal list of negative traits that I demonstrate in my relationships that I need to be aware of. She wants me to read the book “Women Who Love too Much”. Have you ever read this book?

Traits:

1. Ignoring your gut feeling
2. Aubrey will rationalize bad behaviors and take the blame
3. Quick flash of attraction early on which blinds her judgement
4. You lose yourself (lose trust in yourself and your own judgement
5. Tolerates bad behavior for long periods of time

Common themes experienced in relationships:

1. Love and Intimacy avoiders
2. Gaslighting and Manipulation
3. Emotional immaturity
4. Critical and verbal abuse
5. Poor anger control
5. Principal intimidation
6.Possible drug and alcohol abuse
7. You never know what kind of behavior you’re going to get
8. Yelling

Also, found this video which states what I have learned on this forum:

youtu.be/jdkcAn0F8Kk

The video talks about losing yourself in a relationship and mentions anxious/avoidant attachments.

This may not apply to everyone as our experiences are unique, but I thought it could be helpful to share and I wanted to see if anyone had read that book mentioned above.

DearLover
Senior Member

Posts: 270

Common Negative Traits and Themes May 8, 2018 15:33:29 GMT via mobile

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Post by DearLover on May 8, 2018 15:33:29 GMT

I read “Letters from Women Who Love Too Much “ witch is s follow up of the original book.
I totally recommend it and will read the original book one day. I can positively say that it changed my behaviour into the relationship. I started reading it because I noticed it was getting dysfunctional and the patterns were starting to appear and affect me and my emotional health. I ended the relationship few weeks after reading it because I couldn’t carry on not being into a relationship I desire and deserve.
After reading the book you don’t need to do excercises, meditation etc, no work at all is needed.... Something clicks on your head and off you go to the healing path.
I also must say that my DA ex BF avoidance symptoms got worse. I believe he became more insecure and fearful of getting hurt because I wasn’t displaying insecurities myself. His words after I finished the book: “You are your own woman”. He didn’t know about the book. It was a praise but it also meant I wouldn’t put up with his BS any longer. I believe he wanted to test the water and push it. I then left the relationship.
Or maybe he didn’t care since sometimes I also think he could be a Narcissist.
Anyway read it and tell us your own opinion after you finish. I’m looking forward to listen. I have recommended this book here a few times.

Last Edit: May 8, 2018 15:38:00 GMT by DearLover

leavethelighton
Honored Contributor

Posts: 792

Common Negative Traits and Themes May 9, 2018 23:30:05 GMT

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Post by leavethelighton on May 9, 2018 23:30:05 GMT

I haven't read the book, but from what I've heard the book would be good for someone with the relationship tendencies you have described! I think it was written decades ago though, so I would recognize that some parts of it might seem outdated but that it could still be a useful book.