Post by anne12 on May 9, 2018 9:48:02 GMT
Don't Beat Around the Bush:
Starting a Difficult Conversation
When you're upset about something and want to talk about it, don't beat around the bush. "I'm not happy." That's a good start. If your partner also puts the relationship first, this statement should make a difference, and your partner should take an immediate interest. If not, then you have another problem.
From a psychobiological point of view, the best way to start a difficult conversation is to make the statement as strong and brief as possible... and then wait. "I'm upset"... wait. "I had an affair"... wait. "I'm not in love with you"... wait.
Dr. Stan explains the reasoning behind this tactic: If you start slowly and take a long time to get to the bottom line, your partner has more opportunity to get worked up. By the time you get to your point, your partner has already geared up for the worst. It's better to "hit it," and allow your partner to react, and then explain. But you must remain engaged and not fall back on early childhood strategies of turning away, withdrawing, or attacking.
Do it in person and never on the phone; and never, ever through text or email.
Starting a Difficult Conversation
When you're upset about something and want to talk about it, don't beat around the bush. "I'm not happy." That's a good start. If your partner also puts the relationship first, this statement should make a difference, and your partner should take an immediate interest. If not, then you have another problem.
From a psychobiological point of view, the best way to start a difficult conversation is to make the statement as strong and brief as possible... and then wait. "I'm upset"... wait. "I had an affair"... wait. "I'm not in love with you"... wait.
Dr. Stan explains the reasoning behind this tactic: If you start slowly and take a long time to get to the bottom line, your partner has more opportunity to get worked up. By the time you get to your point, your partner has already geared up for the worst. It's better to "hit it," and allow your partner to react, and then explain. But you must remain engaged and not fall back on early childhood strategies of turning away, withdrawing, or attacking.
Do it in person and never on the phone; and never, ever through text or email.
