Post by ocarina on May 12, 2018 19:56:38 GMT
It's interesting that whilst the DA will be the most blatantly avoidant of all the attachment types, surely we're all trying to avoid but reactive in our different ways?
So the AP who seems so emotionally in tune, is very often focusing outside themselves and exquisitely in tune with their partners feelings - almost excruciatingly so and becomes over involved with the partners life in a way that allows them to ignore their own inner life - to avoid being alone and vulnerable with themselves.
The DA is the overt avoider - but the issue is surely the same - if we were able to learn to be present with compassion and kindness for ourselves, to recognise and cherish our emotional lives even when all is not roses, to look fear straight in the eyes an embrace it rather than fight, flee or avoid there would be no need to overinvest, enable and obsess (AP) or to numb and run (DA/FA).
All this trying to fix, understand, coax and change an avoidant partner - or to hang in a relationship where needs are not being met, is really just another kind of avoidance, maybe less blatant but avoidant all the same. Whilst we remain stuck in this pattern and unable to experience and embrace our own pain we're just as emotionally unavailable as our distant partners.
As an FA (mostly) I have walked both side of this line.
So the AP who seems so emotionally in tune, is very often focusing outside themselves and exquisitely in tune with their partners feelings - almost excruciatingly so and becomes over involved with the partners life in a way that allows them to ignore their own inner life - to avoid being alone and vulnerable with themselves.
The DA is the overt avoider - but the issue is surely the same - if we were able to learn to be present with compassion and kindness for ourselves, to recognise and cherish our emotional lives even when all is not roses, to look fear straight in the eyes an embrace it rather than fight, flee or avoid there would be no need to overinvest, enable and obsess (AP) or to numb and run (DA/FA).
All this trying to fix, understand, coax and change an avoidant partner - or to hang in a relationship where needs are not being met, is really just another kind of avoidance, maybe less blatant but avoidant all the same. Whilst we remain stuck in this pattern and unable to experience and embrace our own pain we're just as emotionally unavailable as our distant partners.
As an FA (mostly) I have walked both side of this line.
