Post by anne12 on May 19, 2018 20:16:36 GMT
Tips from an attatchment therapist to the ambivalent:
Get back to yourself and stop obsessing about the other person:.
Ask yourself "what do I need right now in this situation, what would be kind to myself, what can I actually do right now to be kind to myself"
Try to accept your situation (if you do not have a partner yet and/or you have to get to know the other person, and it takes time).
If you get sad and feel hopeless or mad, tell yourself that it is okay, and tell the feeling: "it's okay, your are allowed to be here right now, in this moment".
When you're in panik/needy/obsessing mode use a grounding energy exersice that calms down your nerveussystem:
Sit down on a chair. Keep your eyes open. Feel your seat knots, legs and feet. If you can not feel your seat knots, try to move from side to side. If you can not feel your feet, try to move your toes. Put your hands on your thies, so that your can see your handpalms. Look at your hands and feel your arms, hands and fingers. If you can not feel your hands or fingr, move your fingers. Then feel the energy move throw your arms and/or legs. Notise the sensations in your body and the shift in your breath. Often you will become more calm and the exersice will bring you into the present.
Be aware of your thoughts. Do you hear wedding bells, do you imagine moving in together, having kids aso. A partner can often sence that, and you will scare a potential partner away.
Practice to ask your partner for what you need in a caring, assertive, non needy way. Remember that your partner can not read your mind.
Work with your anger from the past.
When dating, wait on having sex until you know the person you are dating better. Oxytocin together with your ambivalent style will make you bond and attatch too fast and it becomes more difficult for you, to see the person for whom he/she really is.
Remember that just because someone is showing you some kind of interessest, that doesn't mean, that you have to become their partner. YOU are the one choosing!
Try to observe the kind gestures your potential partner is showing you.
Practice the "general moving into secure" exersice every day:
Secure exersice for all attatchmentstyles:
Sit on a chair. Feel your seat knots legs and feet. Take 3 deep breaths. Now imagine a person or an animal you could count on from your past or present. Imagine the person standing by your side supporting you (a person from your own life - dead or alive) Feel the sensations in your body thinking of this person. Notice the shift in your breath and your body.
Practice " the love journey" exersice every day to help you. (Posted in the Secure forum section)
Get back to yourself and stop obsessing about the other person:.
Ask yourself "what do I need right now in this situation, what would be kind to myself, what can I actually do right now to be kind to myself"
Try to accept your situation (if you do not have a partner yet and/or you have to get to know the other person, and it takes time).
If you get sad and feel hopeless or mad, tell yourself that it is okay, and tell the feeling: "it's okay, your are allowed to be here right now, in this moment".
When you're in panik/needy/obsessing mode use a grounding energy exersice that calms down your nerveussystem:
Sit down on a chair. Keep your eyes open. Feel your seat knots, legs and feet. If you can not feel your seat knots, try to move from side to side. If you can not feel your feet, try to move your toes. Put your hands on your thies, so that your can see your handpalms. Look at your hands and feel your arms, hands and fingers. If you can not feel your hands or fingr, move your fingers. Then feel the energy move throw your arms and/or legs. Notise the sensations in your body and the shift in your breath. Often you will become more calm and the exersice will bring you into the present.
Be aware of your thoughts. Do you hear wedding bells, do you imagine moving in together, having kids aso. A partner can often sence that, and you will scare a potential partner away.
Practice to ask your partner for what you need in a caring, assertive, non needy way. Remember that your partner can not read your mind.
Work with your anger from the past.
When dating, wait on having sex until you know the person you are dating better. Oxytocin together with your ambivalent style will make you bond and attatch too fast and it becomes more difficult for you, to see the person for whom he/she really is.
Remember that just because someone is showing you some kind of interessest, that doesn't mean, that you have to become their partner. YOU are the one choosing!
Try to observe the kind gestures your potential partner is showing you.
Practice the "general moving into secure" exersice every day:
Secure exersice for all attatchmentstyles:
Sit on a chair. Feel your seat knots legs and feet. Take 3 deep breaths. Now imagine a person or an animal you could count on from your past or present. Imagine the person standing by your side supporting you (a person from your own life - dead or alive) Feel the sensations in your body thinking of this person. Notice the shift in your breath and your body.
Practice " the love journey" exersice every day to help you. (Posted in the Secure forum section)
