feeling ashamed and disgusted after getting close

It sounds as if you like him and he is a decent guy who behaves well. You alternatingly want to be close but when you are too close or maybe in touch for too long, negative feelings arise, am I correct?

Have you got a practice to deal with negative emotions, such as meditation?

I'm not sure if your dates are too frequent for your comfort or it is more that you are getting more messages than you want to reply to but either way you would benefit from finding ways to slow him down without pushing him fully away. For example, if I had a date planned for friday and it was tuesday, I'd write "Life is fun! I'll be enjoying my work and hobbies for the coming days and am looking forward to seeing you next friday". Not all guys will be satisfied with that,but many are happy to know you are enthusiastic and see no need to be texting daily.

This might definitely exacerbate the issue. Ever since I met him and we hit it off we've been hanging out every evening for hours until I pry myself away to sleep. 

wait- you've been getting close for two weeks?

did you know him before that?

please tell me you aren't this intense in two weeks.



if this thing began a couple weeks ago of course you feel gross.
you don't know crap about someone in two weeks.
they don't know about you either,
of course it would feel somehow disingenuous or questionable. infatuation wears off. getting to know someone takes time. if you have known him two weeks and are thinking of the word "lovingly" when deciding if or how to respond (was that to a message?) then this is pretty intense. Premature.

If you feel uneasy about it, that's awesome, because it's weird. Dial it back, slow your roll, figure out what the hell is going on in you that you would be engaging this way with a stranger.

Intensity (time , attention, affection ) is intensity. Intensity lacks balance.
anything you engage in excessively is bound to feel gross-
think drinking, eating, exercising, working, sleeping, you name it- if it's excessive it doesn't feel good.

if you knew him before and just started getting close two weeks ago then i would have other things to say as well.

i'm not clear.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/lifetime-connections/201804/love-bombing-narcissists-secret-weapon%3famp

"i woke up to a wonderful letter he wrote me"

girl your gut is talking to you.
read the article.

nailpolishremover , i hope not!
i just want to encourage you to listen to yourself.
at this early stage (we can count this in days!!!) it's not time to think about establishing anything with this guy.
Being authentic is the important thing and you are not ok with this, and that is the truth you can honor to feel good about not letting YOURSELF DOWN.
not leading YOURSELF on.

i'm saying all of this supportively not to scold you.

i hope he isn't a narcissist but frankly. if you can easily count the days since you met him then you have no way of knowing.
Read all the accounts here of destructive ex partners, in which the person hurting on these boards says--- at first he was great.
I think just about every post from a new poster who has crashed and burned starts starts like that .

in two weeks you can know if someone can behave nicely and sweetly but you cannot know if they are actually sweet and nice.
nobody puts their worst foot forward to court you.

It's critical to listen to your gut feelings. This is not about building new intimacy skills and overcoming internal barriers to closeness right now.
It's about due diligence to yourself.
Do the due diligence to let this guy show himself over time.
This is for your safety.

Whirlwind can work out. but not when someone feels sick inside.
something is amiss and don't assume it's you.

i'm not trying to encourage fear. i'm trying to encourage discretion.


good luck!

i'm so glad you can listen to that feeling.
it's one thing; when we are triggered in attachment wounds and fear when there is nothing to fear.

It's quite another, when the reality of the situation is cause for concern. Knowing that narcissistics engage in fast forwarding tactics to hook and abuse boundaries, it is wise to suss it out!

I have been involved with narcissists and the whirlwind wasn't about lovey feelings so much as practicalities- he needed something from me that i could give and in exchange, offered something useful to me and it appeared to be a decent deal. So it's different from the falling in love feeling- because i'm dismissive. But i definitely ignored my gut feeling of danger, i didn't recognize it as something valid. I had been out of touch with my feelings a long time and trained to ignore my instincts, being brainwashed into believing that i couldn't trust them (by abusers who said- it's not what you think, the problem IS you. It's YOU. Trust me, you're wrong.) That conditioning was in place since i was a child.

We have to learn how to acknowledge those feelings and not routinely discard them- rather, we have to sit and be able to feel them even if they telll us something we don't want to face. We have to be able to have compassion on ourselves to stop and listen; and ask "is this true? what does it mean? "

this is how we become our own best friends, instead of dismissing ourselves as invalid.

Your intuition is separate from your triggers- i have found with a lot of work and practice it is easier now for me to distinguish the two, although when deeply deactivated i lose my way and think my trigger is my intuition. Because of this i still need a lot of support from my DA comrades who understand my triggers. i can dismantle a relationship in two seconds flat believing my intuition just enlightened me- but it's not intuition in those cases these days it's an old trigger.

Stay close to compassionate people who understand how you may abandon yourself when in romantic situations. We all do it. It can be so dangerous

i am not sure.
a therapist told me that i was a target because he wanted to unseat me and use me for significant practical purposes.
So his tactic with me was NOT love bombing- he could see apparently that that was not the tactic to use.
Rather, he read me carefully to discern that practical assistance would be the hook.

Apparently the predatory types just read prey very carefully and tailor their approach to what they see.

i never ever experienced love bombing.  i experienced a different tactic and it just seemed reasonable.  it's weird.