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Post by tnr9 on Aug 18, 2018 21:33:52 GMT
I took my first steps...I left the community group on Facebook...at first I was just going to unfollow it, but knowing me, I would check to see whether he was posting/liking posts etc. I then unfollowed him...that was a bit harder to swallow as I have had him prioritized as see first, which would mean I would see events he was interested in and his posts would appear first in my feed. I am not ready to unfriend him...I don't think that is something I truly want anyways. I wish there was an option that you could still be friends but not see their page...but that does not exist. Tomorrow I am going on a business trip for a week and won't be taking my personal computer so I will be able to read posts here, but will not be active to reply until. I get back. How sucky this all feels is beyond words and I so appreciate the support of everyone.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2018 21:46:30 GMT
I took my first steps...I left the community group on Facebook...at first I was just going to unfollow it, but knowing me, I would check to see whether he was posting/liking posts etc. I then unfollowed him...that was a bit harder to swallow as I have had him prioritized as see first, which would mean I would see events he was interested in and his posts would appear first in my feed. I am not ready to unfriend him...I don't think that is something I truly want anyways. I wish there was an option that you could still be friends but not see their page...but that does not exist. Tomorrow I am going on a business trip for a week and won't be taking my personal computer so I will be able to read posts here, but will not be active to reply until. I get back. How sucky this all feels is beyond words and I so appreciate the support of everyone. wow!! so proud of you! this pain will change over time, it will transform, it will lessen as you gain new skills and even more awareness and stop the cycle. wow! ❤️❤️❤️ |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2018 21:50:53 GMT
you just pulled little tnr9 off the street where she likes to play and i think you're going to be an excellent mom. 😘 |
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Post by ocarina on Aug 18, 2018 21:54:43 GMT
I took my first steps...I left the community group on Facebook...at first I was just going to unfollow it, but knowing me, I would check to see whether he was posting/liking posts etc. I then unfollowed him...that was a bit harder to swallow as I have had him prioritized as see first, which would mean I would see events he was interested in and his posts would appear first in my feed. I am not ready to unfriend him...I don't think that is something I truly want anyways. I wish there was an option that you could still be friends but not see their page...but that does not exist. Tomorrow I am going on a business trip for a week and won't be taking my personal computer so I will be able to read posts here, but will not be active to reply until. I get back. How sucky this all feels is beyond words and I so appreciate the support of everyone. Excellent excellent! The adult Tnr6 is taking back the reins very very little by little - and you know what? The little girl, like all children, wants to feel secure by having a parent who looks after her best interests even if they are not what she herself thinks she wants. Good on you. |
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 19, 2018 0:18:47 GMT
Thank you ocarina and juniper...the panic of feeling disconnected has already set in but I know it will pass. Onwards. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2018 0:37:25 GMT
Thank you ocarina and juniper ...the panic of feeling disconnected has already set in but I know it will pass. Onwards. it will pass. it will. maybe reframe it. you haven't been connected to him. youve been connected to pattern. to pain. to an IV line of abandonment and longing for an unavailable man. increase positive neurochemicals- deep breathing, maybe a relaxing massage, pedicure, let someone take care of you. let another human touch and nurture you. he doesn't touch and nurture you but that's what you need. massage is great for that! there are many things you can do. a mom soothes her baby with touch, food for hunger, listening, music, walking, many things you can do. anne's exercises! this is the time to give little tnr9 what she really needs the most to actually thrive. |
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 19, 2018 1:43:28 GMT
Thank you ocarina and juniper ...the panic of feeling disconnected has already set in but I know it will pass. Onwards. it will pass. it will. maybe reframe it. you haven't been connected to him. youve been connected to pattern. to pain. to an IV line of abandonment and longing for an unavailable man. increase positive neurochemicals- deep breathing, maybe a relaxing massage, pedicure, let someone take care of you. let another human touch and nurture you. he doesn't touch and nurture you but that's what you need. massage is great for that! there are many things you can do. a mom soothes her baby with touch, food for hunger, listening, music, walking, many things you can do. anne's exercises! this is the time to give little tnr9 what she really needs the most to actually thrive. I do get it...it's a really addictive pattern though. I am not trying to make excuses..just keeping it real. I am breathing through it and reminding myself that this feeling will pass. |
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 19, 2018 2:18:40 GMT
This struck a chord: If the addicted person suspects or learns their former partner has a new love interest, they feel devastated and imagine that this new person is getting something they never got i.e. true love..and falsely uses this as "evidence" that they are unlovable.
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 19, 2018 13:45:35 GMT
I will admit that I was hoping that B would follow up when I was not at the picnic yesterday...but that did not happen. I feel so empty and numb and a bit without direction. The community was my only source of friendships and purpose (as a leader within that group). I am finding it challenging to move forward to next steps but currently will spend my day preparing for my upcoming business travel.
Last night I again was caught in thinking about how much external change B has made and feeling like I somehow have regressed. I only state that because I still do not have an accurate picture of him....I tried very hard to counteract this with what I knew were things he was struggling with, but boy...that was countered with a picture of him fully recovered and happy with someone else. This is good work, but going awfully slow.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2018 13:59:26 GMT
I will admit that I was hoping that B would follow up when I was not at the picnic yesterday...but that did not happen. I feel so empty and numb and a bit without direction. The community was my only source of friendships and purpose (as a leader within that group). I am finding it challenging to move forward to next steps but currently will spend my day preparing for my upcoming business travel. Last night I again was caught in thinking about how much external change B has made and feeling like I somehow have regressed. I only state that because I still do not have an accurate picture of him....I tried very hard to counteract this with what I knew were things he was struggling with, but boy...that was countered with a picture of him fully recovered and happy with someone else. This is good work, but going awfully slow. i'm sorry for the pain you're in, the separation of course will be difficult. there is an end to the illusions you've fostered about him and rhebpotentials between you two. that's all old stuff, conditioning. trying to win love from an unlikely source is what you had to do as a child, but that's not what you need to do as an adult. i know you know that, just encouraging you to try to lean to the adult side and help little tnr9 understand why she hurts so much and how to stop becoming endangered. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2018 14:04:50 GMT
tnr9 there was an exercise for Letting Go that i posted in a thread for either Helsbells or notalone, a while back, that helped me a lot. i have no idea what thread it was on- but that step by step thought process may be helpful at this time?
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 19, 2018 14:06:55 GMT
Thanks so much juniper...I may need some reminders from time to time that this was not "all me" because this pattern is really engrained. I am looking into going back to therapy..I stopped about a year before B and I met. I know this will work out in the end. I am going to do some imagery work later today and berthing exercises. |
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 19, 2018 14:07:47 GMT
tnr9 there was an exercise for Letting Go that i posted in a thread for either Helsbells or notalone , a while back, that helped me a lot. i have no idea what thread it was on- but that step by step thought process may be helpful at this time? Oh...ok...I can search for it. Thanks. |
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Post by notalone on Aug 20, 2018 12:56:54 GMT
Thanks so much juniper...I may need some reminders from time to time that this was not "all me" because this pattern is really engrained. I am looking into going back to therapy..I stopped about a year before B and I met. I know this will work out in the end. I am going to do some imagery work later today and berthing exercises. Just a friendly reminder..,it’s NOT all you. The right person for us will love us with all our strengths and faults. I had to remind myself of that this weekend. What helped me was going out and having fun with friends that love me just as I am. I hope you have a better week. ❤️ |
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Post by tnr9 on Aug 20, 2018 22:45:28 GMT
So..I slipped up and had a Text session with B. It was good except I was my normal "cheerleader" self at one point and he stopped texting. I am ok. Just owning the slip up.
One of my coworkers has stated that what he is doing is all about control...that he is keeping me in his back pocket "just in case" and that the more nice I am to him, the more he loses respect for me. Normally this would have caused me to get defensive..but I agreed with her.
I am still not able to see any of his flaws as being a bad thing...and when I even try to go there...I get really weepy. I know it is good that I can speak to this and not be "in it"...and I am giving myself grace because I knew changing this pattern would not happen in a day. I want to thank everyone for the advice and support. One day at a time and onwards I go.
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