Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2018 16:10:18 GMT
i can elaborate on this a bit too , having paid very close attention to my thoughts during my most recent deactivation.
when my attachment system shuts down and i lose the feeling of being connected and attached to my partner or other people, i feel sad and confused and like i lost what i thought was genuine and i can't get it back.
and so, i feel like i let people down, by being inconsistent.
i hesitate to say "i love you" because i do have negative associations with the word, but also, i feel unable to express that sometimes and i don't want to be a fraud.
i know logically that it's something going on in my brain itself and my nervous system- but it makes me sad and want to shy away from that particular expression.
i had a very thorough talk with my partner about this recently and feel better, but it helps that he is also dismissive so can empathize and not feel hurt by my admissions.
ah, attachment system, you jerk. :/
when my attachment system shuts down and i lose the feeling of being connected and attached to my partner or other people, i feel sad and confused and like i lost what i thought was genuine and i can't get it back.
and so, i feel like i let people down, by being inconsistent.
i hesitate to say "i love you" because i do have negative associations with the word, but also, i feel unable to express that sometimes and i don't want to be a fraud.
i know logically that it's something going on in my brain itself and my nervous system- but it makes me sad and want to shy away from that particular expression.
i had a very thorough talk with my partner about this recently and feel better, but it helps that he is also dismissive so can empathize and not feel hurt by my admissions.
ah, attachment system, you jerk. :/
