Clear Enough?

I read your post multiple times and I see no "distance" in your words.  I could've written her texts myself, wow.

Yes I have seen this many times with my ex.  The different communication styles make the relationship all the more difficult. It always read to me that he was simultaneously trying to get close but pushing me away at the same time.  It was very confusing for me. When I do distance, it's hurtful to the other person, but it's also very clear.

It's so interesting that what I saw as an AP's expression of their desire is experienced by you as a manipulative coaxing invitation. It says a lot to me about the lack of sturdiness of the boundaries between the two types that's picked up on by the more avoidant type, when they are hypervigilant to potential threats on their independence. The AP is just expressing a wish (albeit one that comes with an unconscious invitation) and an FA/DA doesn't have to reciprocate the wish (but they will unconsciously feel the weight of the invitation and maybe not trust the boundaries between them) - really interesting.
It's like our unconscious desires and fears are dodging and negotiating all the time under the surface and it feels like some energetic stalemate

Over the top, maybe but it feels mostly like a natural expression of who an AP is when they are in activation. It's like the two types live in different realities when triggered around what is too much, and neither is closer to the middle. I don't see anything seriously wrong with OP's expression other than that the recipient doesn't seem capable or willing to reassure them in the way OP might want - that's a compatibility issue in my eyes. I think it was a display of healthy dependence and wearing their heart on their sleeve, and I felt like they were being transparent about what was going on for them, and it felt to me like an expression of emotional availability. It is the other person's responsibility to communicate whether this is beyond their comfort and to establish a boundary - it doesn't help that an activated AP system isn't going to be aware of what is an overshare to the other person, as well as being wired to keep seeking that reassurance if they aren't met with it. I know what you mean about laying a lot on the recipient, but it's the recipient's responsibility to communicate that so the grey area experienced by the person in fantasy isn't so grey anymore, because it's in the grey area and the withholding that the AP desire grows so much stronger, because we are just wired that way.

Yes, he is expressing a wish, but it's also a fishing expedition, while he knows she just broke up.  It seemed clear to me that she is grieving her relationship, he sees something online and then asks about her taking a break, which is followed by another declaration of longing for her, with details.  Whether she is DA or not, I see this as boundary pushing and insensitive to her needs at this time, not merely expressing a wish.  Like juniper said, if she was not grieving a relationship, I may see it different.

Edit to add: I think APs see that any threat to our independence is the threat.  The real threat is someone that is insensitive to our needs and feelings.  What you see is him expressing a wish.  I see him putting his needs of expressing his longing and wanting to know if there is a possibility of a relationship over her need to grieve at this time.

I agree with juniper here. You did and said what you did, and that's okay. But if you're really looking to break the cycle and feel better at a deep level, you're going to get more use out of your other AP thread Finding peace with Myself and Her than ruminating over your exact word choices. You've both stated what you want and did what can be done, so the nicest thing you can do for yourself now is shift the focus back to yourself. It feels like it's about her, and I know you care for her, but the rumination you're going through right now isn't about her. It's most respectful for you both if you let her grieve and mind your side of things.

If that's not enough, consider this. You're kind of mourning her right now, right? How would it make you feel to keep getting back and forth messages from another woman who was very interested in you while you needed some time and space, and possibly just simple friendship?

This is also a very good point. When my FA ex dumped me the first time, he did this weird thing where he both DA deactivated but at the same time went full on AP (about us being friends) even though I told him I was devastated and needed space. He didn't respect it at all for a few months and I ended up blocking him for almost a year as a result. I am low avoidance and loved him, but couldn't deal with him putting his need to not feel abandoned by me (even though he was dumping me) over my need to sort myself out.