The Digital Human - why are we on this forum?

You said it much better than I did, that was what I was sort of trying to say - that I live in the tension of integrity both in my clinical work and showing up outside of the room where other people are not my clients and I would like to be seen as who I am in an interaction and what I believe. All of those different roles that people play in our lives all offer us so much value and I think the godsend here is that we don't have to feel like we have to treat each other too nicely because we know each other mostly or only within the context of this group which affords us the luxury of being honest without the taxing feeling that can come with that when being honest with people we have other ties with or responsibilities toward. Like how you can't have a dual relationship as a therapist - it just does not work, and the boundaries and honesty suffer because of it. In groups where we are detached to an extent, we can be more objective I think

gurrrrrllllll you got it!

I do like giving and receiving advice, and learning, and widening my perspective as I read.


I think if someone only wants empathy or others to listen without giving advice, they can directly ask, and others here should respect that. I'm on a different forum where people often start a post with "No advice please" and the community respects that request for that post.

There’s an interesting pattern here- some people seem to feel censored in real life at least to some extent and this space creates an open space for authenticity.
Again this is my own mental meandering- for me there is some kind of avoidance at play, giving a space to distract from the everyday and in engaging with other people’s problems a slight tendency to take the focus off my own real life challenges.
The lack of eye contact and accountability certainly alters the vibe.
People come here to feel better whether seeking advice, feeling supported, offering advice or whatever- or even the hit of a few replies on a topic. Do you use it to deactivate? To avoid the rawness of real life presence in any way?

sucitto.blogspot.com/

"Right speech means giving some focus to speaking; that is how you speak, why you speak and what you talk about. And to that add awareness of who you’re talking to and whether they are ready and interested in receiving your words. So for a start: how conscious are you of your speech? Have you decided what to say, and how best to bring that across? Have you checked in as to whether this is the right time to speak to her or him? Even more important, have you reviewed why you’re talking? In the above example you might try: 'I'm annoyed right now, and I'd like to address this with you.' Find the occasion: make an overall assessment: ‘I’m in a pretty intense state right now, better not talk about that … yet.‘ Or, ‘He’s pre-occupied at this time, maybe I’ll just let him know that sometime, when it’s convenient…’ Or, create some time, and negotiate contact, beginning with a sketchy check-in concerning how the other person is right now, and then suggesting what you’d like to talk about. Disturbing matters may well need to be addressed, so: ‘Is now a good time?’ Of course it might not be! But that’s the deal – and if you’re willing to respect the other’s boundaries, the chances are that they’ll be more willing to enter dialogue at some other occasion. It works both ways: you can also say: ‘That seems like a lot to deal with right now, but…’ or, ‘I’m feeling like I need some space this morning, but ...’"

The above is what's been floating around in my head about this - and it's crystallised in the words of one of my teachers. When communicating in the moment and particularly in the digital moment, this is what I feel I sometimes lose sight of. In face to face conversation I am a very considered speaker - it's easy to lose that here when a splurge of thoughts, feelings come spilling out onto the keyboard - much easier than it is when speaking human being to human being. I am not sure how helpful that is, for me as a communicator that is - no judgement on anyone elses process.

This is Dr Dan Siegel talking about how tech affects the brain: (watch from 7mins on to see the social effects)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=31o_chpzQh8

I definitely think it has a huge impact - the counselling course I went on was very strict around even seeing our supervisor face to face every session rather than through Skype or calls, because every layer of tech adds a kind of barrier from intimacy.

I cringe when I think of "online therapy" - it goes against so much of what I have learned. When I think of the deep work I have done in therapy, it had to be in person - the work was about building my capacity for intimacy, it was about noticing how I feel in the room with you. Noticing whether I look you in the eye, noticing when I don't look you in the eye, noticing how when you sit slightly too close, there's a sensation in my chest, or when you potter around the room too loudly around me, I'm having an extreme physical reaction to that because it triggers an early memory and in so being around you, by my reactions towards you, I know myself better and get to observe myself in the context of this relationship with you. And in those places, there is the possibility too to take a risk, maybe I will look you in the eye a bit longer today. I even changed supervisors simply because I didn't feel comfortable in the room with her so I knew she wasn't the right supervisor for me. Like so much non-verbal information is lost through technology imo. It all becomes very left brain and honestly, very "safe" from an intimacy standpoint?

I grew up with the internet, I'm 25, so I've been using forms of social online interaction since I was an early teen and it really affected how I showed up in relationships, so I can't imagine starting younger and how pervasive and normalised that way of interacting now is. I always used the internet in a manipulative way growing up, perfecting my social media, and taking on personas that were still sort of me, but a lot more enticing, and I was a bit scared of meeting people irl - because it wasn't me! I wasn't being intimate with the people I was talking to, I might have revealed a lot but I was hiding through perfectionism and relied on the fact that there isn't the immediacy online as there is in person so I had time to perfect what I would say or what I would portray. I feel like social media now has taken this and magnified it so much, and I see kids doing this all the time.

I also forgot to include that my ex boyfriend used to call every day, for around an hour or two. He was like a different person on the phone, he seemed more comfortable connecting, and yet in person, he would freeze up, dissociate, and just generally it was like he wasn't even able to be available in person. It seemed that that layer of tech for him was what he needed in order to access that side of himself, yet in person, or at least with me, he was not able to do that. So in some sense, it's like does that technology help or hinder? Is it a mask, or is it a vice? I truly think spending time in person is what killed the relationship ironically.