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Post by tnr9 on Oct 21, 2020 3:02:09 GMT
I am because this time I am done trying to change myself to fit into someone else’s square. I told my mom that we have nothing in common and that was a light bulb moment for her. We have since let go of trying to be anything but who we are. I try to be very much aware of her boundaries without taking them personally and she has stopped making suggestions that I would resist. We actually joke about it...she will say “I think...” and say the exact opposite like, “I think you should eat a ton of junk food”. And her letting go of suggestions has given me space to find out what I want to do on my own. I am growing up....and becoming “me”.....not me trying to run towards some guy or me trying to run away from my parents expectations...but just me as I am. Wow, I'm glad your mom had that light bulb moment. Do you think that has helped you heal or grow? They say a lot stems from our relationship with our parents or parent. I have not been able to get through to my mom in any way, shape or form, so I decided it was better for my mental health to have limited interactions. I always wished it could be different. Simply put...yes....it really has. And I realize that I am the one who had to approach my mom with it....because she is logical and I am emotional.....she is avoidant and I am anxious.....so I had to acknowledge once and for all that although we love each other.....we just are very different people. And speaking to it opened all kinds of doors within myself. If I am no longer trying to please my mom....or resent her....then that means I get to focus on me...and it really has been like growing up. That doesn’t mean I am secure.....far from it.....I just embrace my insecurity now. Last night the little girl inside of my cried, mourned the loss of B....it was a meaningful 30 minutes of feeling that loss deeply. But I was there...adult me...telling my little girl it would be ok. That yes...it is very sad...that her ache, her sadness is real....he meant so much to her and to me. In that acknowledgement was a freedom for her to miss, to mourn and to love B even though he is no longer in my life. Before it was all consuming....now it is just a part of things held softly. |
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Post by maryisback on Nov 10, 2020 22:48:06 GMT
Wow, I'm glad your mom had that light bulb moment. Do you think that has helped you heal or grow? They say a lot stems from our relationship with our parents or parent. I have not been able to get through to my mom in any way, shape or form, so I decided it was better for my mental health to have limited interactions. I always wished it could be different. Simply put...yes....it really has. And I realize that I am the one who had to approach my mom with it....because she is logical and I am emotional.....she is avoidant and I am anxious.....so I had to acknowledge once and for all that although we love each other.....we just are very different people. And speaking to it opened all kinds of doors within myself. If I am no longer trying to please my mom....or resent her....then that means I get to focus on me...and it really has been like growing up. That doesn’t mean I am secure.....far from it.....I just embrace my insecurity now. Last night the little girl inside of my cried, mourned the loss of B....it was a meaningful 30 minutes of feeling that loss deeply. But I was there...adult me...telling my little girl it would be ok. That yes...it is very sad...that her ache, her sadness is real....he meant so much to her and to me. In that acknowledgement was a freedom for her to miss, to mourn and to love B even though he is no longer in my life. Before it was all consuming....now it is just a part of things held softly. I'm so happy to hear it. You have grown so much and I hope you have greater peace because of it. |
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Post by goldilocks on Nov 18, 2020 22:15:42 GMT
That is some admirable growth :-) I think growing up and having an adult/adult relationship with our parents is a large part of healing.
From my side, my relationship with my mother has improved a lot over the years. I trust her to try to respect my boundaries, but know she may not always succeed. Most of the time we have good conversation and get along well. I have not been able to visit her since covid, but make a point of calling her regularly and sending flowers now and then. We will spend some time together for the holidays and I look forward to being together.
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