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Passwords
Feb 16, 2019 22:34:08 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Feb 16, 2019 22:34:08 GMT
Who thinks couples should have passwords. I was married for a long time before losing my husband to cancer over two years ago. We both never had passwords on our phones or to log onto the computer. My husband often set up online accounts for me and we both new each others email addresses. My relationship with my FA feels so very different. Everything is private, he covers the screen with his hand when signing into his iPad so I don't see his password and I believe I now do the same. He is 10yrs my junior, is this a sign of the times or about trust. I miss what I had with my husband and how easy the love, trust and relationship flowed I doubt I will ever know that again. 10yrs my junior Hmmm...while I do password protect everything now for privacy reasons, I wouldn’t go out of my way to cover my password from my partner. We both unlock our phones in front of each other without covering up. I’d feel bad if he did cover bc it would make me think he didn’t trust me to not hack into his cell/computer. In my marriage, when we started to password protect everything- our marriage was over at that point. I found out many lies after the fact. Ideally, I think partners shouldn’t have anything cryptic to hide and should be willing, but not necessary to share passwords. I’m big on transparency. |
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Post by epicgum on Feb 16, 2019 22:35:54 GMT
My ex (f38) was like that with passwords and she was 10 yrs my (m29) senior (and either AP or FA).
She said that when her marriage went badly the fact that they shared passwords made things very very bad. I just took her at her word (as in many things) because she was older and more experienced than me.
I have some trust issues as well, I think it would take me a while to share access to financial stuff, but other than that I don't see the issue with passwords. Honestly, I think I would prefer someone a little more trusting in the future.
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Passwords
Feb 16, 2019 22:44:27 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Feb 16, 2019 22:44:27 GMT
My ex (f38) was like that with passwords and she was 10 yrs my (m29) senior (and either AP or FA). She said that when her marriage went badly the fact that they shared passwords made things very very bad. I just took her at her word (as in many things) because she was older and more experienced than me. I have some trust issues as well, I think it would take me a while to share access to financial stuff, but other than that I don't see the issue with passwords. Honestly, I think I would prefer someone a little more trusting in the future. - I told my DA that honestly the only reason I wouldn’t want him on my cell was in case he saw some lousy pic of me! Lol I meant it!! If I get to the point of marriage again, I’d be very disappointed in a need for secrecy and rather suspicious. |
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Passwords
Feb 16, 2019 22:53:00 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Feb 16, 2019 22:53:00 GMT
Can't help it makes me feel like he has something to hide. But maybe I'm old school, I don't really know but never ever felt insecure with the transparency of the openness with my hubby. I’d also feel he has something to hide- even if he doesn’t. If I have nothing to hide then I see no reason to hide my password from my partner. I would trust him not to snoop on my cell but even if he did then he’d come up with nothing if I’m being honest. |
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Passwords
Feb 16, 2019 22:53:25 GMT
via mobile
Post by faithopelove on Feb 16, 2019 22:53:25 GMT
My ex (f38) was like that with passwords and she was 10 yrs my (m29) senior (and either AP or FA). She said that when her marriage went badly the fact that they shared passwords made things very very bad. I just took her at her word (as in many things) because she was older and more experienced than me. I have some trust issues as well, I think it would take me a while to share access to financial stuff, but other than that I don't see the issue with passwords. Honestly, I think I would prefer someone a little more trusting in the future. I find that odd, I think it would be the other way round for me unless you had something to hide. Agreed |
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Post by epicgum on Feb 16, 2019 23:20:29 GMT
I find that odd, I think it would be the other way round for me unless you had something to hide. Agreed I'm confused...you guys would be more likely to share passwords to social networking and emails and other accounts than your bank account info? I'm not talking about knowing my spending habits and statements, that would be fine with me, more so having the ability to say...drain the account if things went extremely poorly. EDIT: I guess I'd like to have that level of trust at some point. But it would take a while. |
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Passwords
Feb 17, 2019 0:03:19 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Feb 17, 2019 0:03:19 GMT
I'm confused...you guys would be more likely to share passwords to social networking and emails and other accounts than your bank account info? I'm not talking about knowing my spending habits and statements, that would be fine with me, more so having the ability to say...drain the account if things went extremely poorly. EDIT: I guess I'd like to have that level of trust at some point. But it would take a while. - Yes, I’d be more likely to share passwords on Email, computer, social media and cell password...more so than banking only bc in a practical sense, those devices would be more likely to be a hinderance and require attention. For example, at Christmas my cousin’s cell was in the other room and wanted to look up something online, so she said to her bf let me use your cell - it was locked so she asked for his password. If he had something to hide, he would’ve been in trouble as she had free access. It could be a cell is dead so you want to use your partner’s for a pic or text etc. The bank account password wouldn’t probably come up but if I was married then we’d likely have joint accounts and have to share passwords. Bank account is the one I’d share last in a practical sense. I was confused by your gf saying sharing passwords made everything worse....only if you have something to hide. In that case, don’t share or change passwords. I hope that’s never my marriage again. Even as an AP, I’d rather stay alone forever than go through another divorce. I want open access. Or I’m suspicious. Been down that road. |
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Post by epicgum on Feb 17, 2019 0:05:13 GMT
I'm confused...you guys would be more likely to share passwords to social networking and emails and other accounts than your bank account info? I'm not talking about knowing my spending habits and statements, that would be fine with me, more so having the ability to say...drain the account if things went extremely poorly. EDIT: I guess I'd like to have that level of trust at some point. But it would take a while. Yes being open to everything. Not talking about bank accounts as such just having trust to not feel the need to lock your phone and computer when your not using it. Locking ones phone is utter BS. I now see a pattern in my relationships that when the phone gets locked/hidden, something shady is up. That's a case where in the past I've repressed totally justified anger and distress. |
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Passwords
Feb 17, 2019 0:11:37 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Feb 17, 2019 0:11:37 GMT
Yes being open to everything. Not talking about bank accounts as such just having trust to not feel the need to lock your phone and computer when your not using it. Locking ones phone is utter BS. I now see a pattern in my relationships that when the phone gets locked/hidden, something shady is up. That's a case where in the past I've repressed totally justified anger and distress. Wait!! lol my cell automatically locks after one second for security reasons. I store all my passwords on my cell so I wouldn’t want a stranger to pick up my cell and have access. My life is in there. Also, pictures- I don’t want just anyone seeing my gallery. I lock my cell so my kids can’t see private pics or messages between a partner and me. I would also be embarrassed if my partner saw a bad pic of me...bad as in I just look crappy. Those are the reasons I lock my cell. If my DA now even asked for my password to use my cell, I’d let him bc I have nothing shady going on. At the end of my marriage- there was plenty to hide both ways. It was all out war. |
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Passwords
Feb 17, 2019 0:15:13 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Feb 17, 2019 0:15:13 GMT
Yes being open to everything. Not talking about bank accounts as such just having trust to not feel the need to lock your phone and computer when your not using it. Locking ones phone is utter BS. I now see a pattern in my relationships that when the phone gets locked/hidden, something shady is up. That's a case where in the past I've repressed totally justified anger and distress. Once though my DA was bothered and questioned me why my texts don’t appear on my home screen- only the notification. I did that for privacy reasons at the end of my marriage, never changed it back, and also in case my kids saw a private text between the two of us, but I changed the setting at his questioning me bc it obviously bothered him and wasn’t worth the potential damage to his trust. |
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Post by epicgum on Feb 17, 2019 0:22:04 GMT
I'm confused...you guys would be more likely to share passwords to social networking and emails and other accounts than your bank account info? I'm not talking about knowing my spending habits and statements, that would be fine with me, more so having the ability to say...drain the account if things went extremely poorly. EDIT: I guess I'd like to have that level of trust at some point. But it would take a while. - Yes, I’d be more likely to share passwords on Email, computer, social media and cell password...more so than banking only bc in a practical sense, those devices would be more likely to be a hinderance and require attention. For example, at Christmas my cousin’s cell was in the other room and wanted to look up something online, so she said to her bf let me use your cell - it was locked so she asked for his password. If he had something to hide, he would’ve been in trouble as she had free access. It could be a cell is dead so you want to use your partner’s for a pic or text etc. The bank account password wouldn’t probably come up but if I was married then we’d likely have joint accounts and have to share passwords. Bank account is the one I’d share last in a practical sense. I was confused by your gf saying sharing passwords made everything worse....only if you have something to hide. In that case, don’t share or change passwords. I hope that’s never my marriage again. Even as an AP, I’d rather stay alone forever than go through another divorce. I want open access. Or I’m suspicious. Been down that road. Yeah, re-reading my comment, I'm not sure why I worded it like that--it doesn't communicate what I was trying to say. I totally agree with you on the boundary order. phone>Social Media>utilities>medical>banking (with banking being the last and most sensitive boundary requiring the highest degree of trust) I'm not sure what exactly happened with my ex. She told me that he was abusive and she wanted a divorce, he didn't, and it got very ugly. They were both living in a foreign country at the time, so I think that took a toll on both of them. It does make me wonder about a bit how it all went down, as she definitely hinted that she bore some of the blame as well. Oh well, not my issue right now. |
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Post by epicgum on Feb 17, 2019 0:25:17 GMT
Locking ones phone is utter BS. I now see a pattern in my relationships that when the phone gets locked/hidden, something shady is up. That's a case where in the past I've repressed totally justified anger and distress. Wait!! lol my cell automatically locks after one second for security reasons. I store all my passwords on my cell so I wouldn’t want a stranger to pick up my cell and have access. My life is in there. Also, pictures- I don’t want just anyone seeing my gallery. I lock my cell so my kids can’t see private pics or messages between a partner and me. I would also be embarrassed if my partner saw a bad pic of me...bad as in I just look crappy. Those are the reasons I lock my cell. If my DA now even asked for my password to use my cell, I’d let him bc I have nothing shady going on. At the end of my marriage- there was plenty to hide both ways. It was all out war. Oh, I mean locking the phone and not having partner access to it. That was a huge deal. Yeah, I wouldn't be down with extended family/work colleagues going through my phone unsupervised as there are likely to be intimate photos/texts, passwords, off color jokes, open chrome tabs on attachment forums...  |
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Passwords
Feb 17, 2019 0:25:22 GMT
via mobile
Post by faithopelove on Feb 17, 2019 0:25:22 GMT
epicgum - Yes, I’d be more likely to share passwords on Email, computer, social media and cell password...more so than banking only bc in a practical sense, those devices would be more likely to be a hinderance and require attention. For example, at Christmas my cousin’s cell was in the other room and wanted to look up something online, so she said to her bf let me use your cell - it was locked so she asked for his password. If he had something to hide, he would’ve been in trouble as she had free access. It could be a cell is dead so you want to use your partner’s for a pic or text etc. The bank account password wouldn’t probably come up but if I was married then we’d likely have joint accounts and have to share passwords. Bank account is the one I’d share last in a practical sense. I was confused by your gf saying sharing passwords made everything worse....only if you have something to hide. In that case, don’t share or change passwords. I hope that’s never my marriage again. Even as an AP, I’d rather stay alone forever than go through another divorce. I want open access. Or I’m suspicious. Been down that road. Yeah, re-reading my comment, I'm not sure why I worded it like that--it doesn't communicate what I was trying to say. I totally agree with you on the boundary order. phone>Social Media>utilities>medical>banking (with banking being the last and most sensitive boundary requiring the highest degree of trust) I'm not sure what exactly happened with my ex. She told me that he was abusive and she wanted a divorce, he didn't, and it got very ugly. They were both living in a foreign country at the time, so I think that took a toll on both of them. It does make me wonder about a bit how it all went down, as she definitely hinted that she bore some of the blame as well. Oh well, not my issue right now. Yeah, I gotcha regarding bank accounts being the last to share. Unless he’s paying my bills, I don’t see the point lol At the time of divorce, it’s different. All bets off, obviously you’re no longer trying to build trust. Everyone is out for number one. Everything is a battle- at least it was w my divorce. |
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Passwords
Feb 17, 2019 0:28:02 GMT
via mobile
Post by faithopelove on Feb 17, 2019 0:28:02 GMT
Wait!! lol my cell automatically locks after one second for security reasons. I store all my passwords on my cell so I wouldn’t want a stranger to pick up my cell and have access. My life is in there. Also, pictures- I don’t want just anyone seeing my gallery. I lock my cell so my kids can’t see private pics or messages between a partner and me. I would also be embarrassed if my partner saw a bad pic of me...bad as in I just look crappy. Those are the reasons I lock my cell. If my DA now even asked for my password to use my cell, I’d let him bc I have nothing shady going on. At the end of my marriage- there was plenty to hide both ways. It was all out war. Oh, I mean locking the phone and not having partner access to it. That was a huge deal. Yeah, I wouldn't be down with extended family/work colleagues going through my phone unsupervised as there are likely to be intimate photos/texts, passwords, off color jokes, open chrome tabs on attachment forums... Yeah, I knew you meant intimate partners  but I just always keep it on the lock setting bc it’s easier than switching to unlock if I was spending the weekend with my DA- that was painful to just type the last part. [DA bday today- I sent a nice text and his response was one word “thanks.” 😞 |
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Post by faithopelove on Feb 17, 2019 0:30:10 GMT
Wait!! lol my cell automatically locks after one second for security reasons. I store all my passwords on my cell so I wouldn’t want a stranger to pick up my cell and have access. My life is in there. Also, pictures- I don’t want just anyone seeing my gallery. I lock my cell so my kids can’t see private pics or messages between a partner and me. I would also be embarrassed if my partner saw a bad pic of me...bad as in I just look crappy. Those are the reasons I lock my cell. If my DA now even asked for my password to use my cell, I’d let him bc I have nothing shady going on. At the end of my marriage- there was plenty to hide both ways. It was all out war. Oh, I mean locking the phone and not having partner access to it. That was a huge deal. Yeah, I wouldn't be down with extended family/work colleagues going through my phone unsupervised as there are likely to be intimate photos/texts, passwords, off color jokes, open chrome tabs on attachment forums... Attachment forums- that would be the worst breech for me!! He’d die if he knew how much I analyzed him and us- lol At least we’re anonymous on here!! |
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but I just always keep it on the lock setting bc it’s easier than switching to unlock if I was spending the weekend with my DA- that was painful to just type the last part. [DA bday today- I sent a nice text and his response was one word “thanks.” 😞