DAs and the Stan Tatkin Couple Bubble?

To me it doesn't sound healthy nor realistic in practice. At all.
In a hermetic bubble? Sure... But there's a real life, and real people that interfere. It seems good willed but nothing of this can be guaranteed - especially in a long term, thus they're empty promises you'll make to each other. I can imagine it can create even more issues when one person pulls the "but you promised" card.

For example "“I will never leave you.” how can you guarantee that? Why should you? If anything it should be "I'll never abandon you", "I'll never leave without talking to you first/ making an effort to work things out"


“When you are in distress, I will relieve you, even if I’m the one
who is causing the distress.”
What if you can't relieve them because you don't know how, or simply you're lacking on your own? What if both of you are in distress, which in real life will happen, and you can't see or help the other?  

Why not simply acknowledge that we all make mistakes, that we all are flawed humans, that as a couple we have the same objectives. Imho, promises that should be made are: to care, to respect, to take responsibility, to try to understand your partner.

Absolutely agree with nullified. To add on, it can be unhealthy to have these statements if you’re in an unhealthy mindset to begin with. But assuming both are secure and committed, these statements are actually important in explicating that commitment to creating security in relationships. Healthy adults are aware that things change and these statements are meant to demonstrate commitment right now and in the foreseeable future with no intent to change unless absolutely necessary. I don’t think anyone in their right mind truly takes it literally that NEVER really means NEVER EVER EVER. One thing that used to trigger me is when my exes will use caveats in their commitment declarations - I know it because I have used them myself in rships that I was DA myself in, with no real intention to commit truly. Erps.

I wasn't correcting you, I was only remarking that your sentiments match mine previously. What it means is up to you, just marveling at how you articulated my past world view so perfectly.

nullified, I'm curious, what did your evolution from DA to more secure look like? What helped you along the way? I first and foremost want to improve my AP tendencies, and I know it's a slippery slope to want to change my DA girlfriend to be more secure, but I'm interested in your journey nonetheless.

I will try to heed your advice. She knows I'm reading that book and she was the one that asked questions about it. But as she seems put-off by the couple bubble idea, I won't try to impose this on her. I'll try to keep our discussions about the book low-pressure (i.e. not expecting her to change or take the book as gospel).

We both know that the AP and DA pairing is the main challenge in our relationship and we both want to find solutions to that because we want a future together. She often talks about retiring together (we're in our early 40s) so she has no trouble with commitment. I'm fairly hopeful that we can make it work but at this point I'm the only one actively seeking solutions. She is willing to make adjustments though and has done so in the past already. She's putting a bit more effort to stay in contact when we're not together (which is most of the time since we're a LAT couple).

Thanks, I'll try to find that. You make me realize that I really need to ask my partner what her needs are in this relationship. I've expressed my needs a lot but since she is more private with her emotions, I'm not sure I gave her the opportunity to fully express her needs. At the same time, I don't want to feel invading by probing deep inside of her. She's told me in the past that she already shared her feelings and emotions more with me than any partner in the past. I need to respect the speed at which she's willing to share things.