Leaving when things are good?

Could be a mix. AP can do this when things are going Well. They Think logning is love. They can be uncomftable getting their needs Met. Could also be some FA maybe.

hannah99 AP= anxious preoccupied, FA= fearful avoidant, DA= dismissive avoidant.

I've been told that all the back and forth is more likely to be done by an FA.

Attachment theory is a good tool to make sense of what's going on, but know that it's just that when it comes to the other person. Use it to understand him, but mostly use it to understand yourself. I've found tremendous help and have been working on myself a lot more effectively since I've started reading about it. It has helped me understand my now ex, but it doesn't change anything. He needs to do his work to, and I can't help him. Even if I was willing to help and he was open to it (which is a long shot in most cases), it would take a very long time of me putting up with his hot n cold behavior before we could ever experience a change, and on top of that I'd be terrified almost daily that he'd up and go again. It's not worth it.

What Attachment Style do you fall under? Oh, also know that it's more like a spectrum.

I was really shocked when he broke up with me. He'd been more attentive and loving than ever...

I have an anxious attachment I think.

My brother broke up with his girlfriend after 5 years...he said it was no longer exciting. Now he goes on tinder dates.

hannah99, I'm sorry you're going through this. This has happened to me (but without the moving on to someone else immediately). I was AP (now earned secure), and this specifically happened with FA partners.

I agree with @sherry, with DA men, I was never totally blindsided. They'd express there was some issue, even if it was poorly, but also since I was AP I'd usually pick up on it and ask and get an honest answer. But often as AP I'd blame myself and just try harder in response.

FA, it would feel like a switch flipped because they may use people-pleasing to avoid conflict as a defense mechanism or even be dissociated from their feelings... so it was more like, everything is fine!, then emotionally vomiting later on and it feeling like a huge shock. Yet still without being able to explain how they're feeling, even once they take action. (I used to think it was unwilling to explain, but at this point I truly believe they often don't actually know because they haven't worked through their attachment injury and are disconnected from themselves.)

DA haven't come back, either, and were difficult to maintain a friendship with after if that's what we'd decided to try to do. They'd never initiate and it would fade off. FA often want to at least be friends with me, even if they don't come back romantically. But my long-term FA ex did cycle back romantically as well.

When we no longer fear being abandoned, our intimacy may increase. He may already have decided on the unconscious level to leave you, so he might have been more relaxed and being himself, being enthusiastic and light as never before in the relationship.

People often have more than One attatchmentstyle
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1188/4-attatchment-style-decription-test

When You are ready You can look at This. There are Many good resources from different People in the different forums and threads.
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1072/healing-ambivalent-attatchment-tips-tricks