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Post by serenity on Oct 26, 2019 22:00:22 GMT
Maybe for an unaware and not working through stuff type of person. But an aware and working through their stuff FA can be a huge inspiration and very rewarding to be with in my opinion. Being with someone who is taking ownership over their struggles and actively trying to grow and expand as a human being are the type of people I love to be around. People that pretend to be "perfect" or have it all figured out, and never went through hardship tend to be shallow in their depth as a person. And gernally the type of people I have a harder time relating to over all myself. I think an insecure who earns secure can actually be even more loving and expansive then a person who was always secure and never had to go through any struggles to get to where they are currently. Self examination and self awareness, along with serious self work and growth can lead someone to be a fully actualized human being. And most people don't have the desire to do all of that work unless they go through a lot of suffering to get to the point of wanting that. Aside from the smaller cases of people who just feel inspired or curious about it. I feel the same way about people. Occasionally I dated truly privileged guys that I met in my corporate jobs, with perfect upbringings and no hardship to speak of. I just didn't feel understood by them. They were good people but I did find them shallow and mainstream and non critical in their thinking processes. Why question anything or dig deeper, I guess, if life is perfect for you, and the world seems to cater to you? We had wildly different tastes in day to day things. I got acussed of being `wierd' because of my creative streak. They liked Beige!!! For like everything!! I hate beige. In fact I made `beige loving' one of my dating red flags. |
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Post by mrob on Oct 27, 2019 0:13:02 GMT
Billy Connolly hit the nail on the head. Beige! serenity Thankyou. There are times when it’s a bit tough here, seemingly the only FA bloke. But this is the one of the most revelatory and growth producing aspects of my life. What I really love here is the growth in others. |
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Post by mrob on Oct 27, 2019 2:45:51 GMT
caro those are words I find really hard. I conditioned myself to not miss people, so it can seem like an obligation, and a step towards engulfment. serenity The beige loving concept is problematic as well, though. I was with someone recently who ticked most of the boxes, but (I think) is secure leaning a little towards anxious. Very stable. She just wasn’t exciting enough. I’m naturally attracted to crazy people. I find them exciting! So, I have to really watch that one.
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Post by serenity on Oct 27, 2019 3:17:33 GMT
caro those are words I find really hard. I conditioned myself to not miss people, so it can seem like an obligation, and a step towards engulfment. serenity The beige loving concept is problematic as well, though. I was with someone recently who ticked most of the boxes, but (I think) is secure leaning a little towards anxious. Very stable. She just wasn’t exciting enough. I’m naturally attracted to crazy people. I find them exciting! So, I have to really watch that one. For sure mrob! Traumatised people can unconsciously seek out trauma bonds , and its not a true measure of compatibility IMO (though the chemistry can suggest otherwise). I have found some decent middle ground-people in my life tho, along the lines of what Stu described- people who have encountered hardships in childhood and elsewhere in life , and worked to become aware, communicate, respect others etc. |
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Post by iz42 on Oct 27, 2019 6:24:33 GMT
Anyway, since there's been no response from him for ~10 days, but he's viewed all of my IG stories. I'm trying to just focus on me, move forward, and if he comes around then have a conversation if he's willing to talk— but it feels so weird not saying anything. It's also confusing, like why did he come back and say all of those very forward / direct things only to disappear again? I mean, I get it, it's too much pressure and too much intimacy, he felt engulfed, etc, but it just seems like he wouldn't have even made that move. Hi caro. Just wanted to say that sounds extremely painful. I've been there, and I would just ask whether you have set a time limit here? From what you've said, it sounds like this could go on for months and months with you really not getting what you want out of the relationship. I ask because I wish I hadn't invested so much time (years) with someone who was unavailable. Just something to consider. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2019 6:54:04 GMT
I think the only way an FA person can feel comfortable bringing up difficult subjects is when they are purposely making an effort to communicate more directly and there is a demonstrated history of difficult subjects being discussed between the two people without anything particularly bad happening. FAs don't prefer to bring up tough stuff ourselves, our nature is to avoid, and to fear confrontation/conflict. Bringing the thing up when the FA person is extremely triggered isn't going to get good results. But I don't think letting it go too long works either, as the longer it goes the more nerve-wracking it can get in some cases. This makes total sense — to wait until they reach out and are more open to discussing. Although how do you know when you're letting it go for too long? In the latest in my situation, my FA went MIA for basically a month with a couple of words of acknowledgement of my apology — as I've wrote about here. This is all after a bumpy couple of months, him having a lot of personal things going on, etc. Then when he returned from out of town at beginning of month, texted several different times saying I was a wonderful person and he's attracted to me, etc. It was very minimal back and forth, I kept it light and kind but showing interest, and he seemed to be feeling out if I was still interested. I guess I got too bold because ~10 days ago, in a very cute, friendly, complimentary, light way ask him if we could skip to the part where we'd hang out in-person, and I said that I've missed him. I knew it would have taken him several days to respond to that as it was very direct and more intense, but I didn't think it would cause him to deactivate or pull away for this long. I get now it was probably too much pressure given everything he has going on, but I said it because I feel like texting only these past couple of months (us both being out of town a lot) has only led to things being translated wrong, and I wanted to be able to have some quality time (and to talk— which I didn't mention). And I get the I've missed you part was probably too much, but it's how I felt... I was trying to be true to myself too. Anyway, since there's been no response from him for ~10 days, but he's viewed all of my IG stories. I'm trying to just focus on me, move forward, and if he comes around then have a conversation if he's willing to talk— but it feels so weird not saying anything. It's also confusing, like why did he come back and say all of those very forward / direct things only to disappear again? I mean, I get it, it's too much pressure and too much intimacy, he felt engulfed, etc, but it just seems like he wouldn't have even made that move. My therapist — who is well versed in attachment theory — says to wait until he's not triggered and is less scared — and if I really want I can send a simple "how are you?" in a bit. Anyway, that's my update and battle with trying to wait until they're untriggered. Also, mrob , sooooooo appreciate you and all of your amazing feedback, insight, and willingness to open up. I agree with the others, FAs may be hard work, but when you've found someone really special to you, it's worth it to try. It's so great to see your progress on these boards, and thanks for constantly putting up with our stories and questions! You're so valued. How does your therapist know he's scared and triggered? Has she evaluated him or met with him? Her knowledge of attachment theory cannot solidly apply to him unless she has a knowledge of him through personal consultation, so I'm surprised she would read him like that and offer advice as if she knows, when other options are possible. Is she very experienced as a therapist? Or maybe she is AP- and that influences her style. That's a real thing. Does anybody really know, if he's ghosting you? He could easily be seeing someone else. If he were do you think you would know, given his communication style? You mentioned before that he might have been tipsy sending you texts like that, do you take it very seriously if he texts you flirty things while drinking to gauge interest? I get the whole engulfed thing I guess but seriously, how successful do you think you can be with someone who is supposedly scared and triggered by a text saying I miss you? I'm not suggesting he is actually scared, I'm going with the interpretation you have. Lots of people here have misunderstood AWOL people, and it was nothing like they thought. Be careful. A time limit has been suggested by anne in a thread and also iz42, you might want to consider something like that, he's gone more than he's in touch it seems. |
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Post by bohemianraspberry on Oct 27, 2019 8:21:58 GMT
And do you really want a relationship where you can't talk about the fact that you were broken up for 2 months and you both just act like nothing happened? Someone has to be the one to talk. I don't think that is secure, sweeping major things under the rug, never to communicate about them. I agree with what you're saying, I do. I wasn't not trying to bring it up because of fear I would lose him (...) I don't know exactly what I would say or how to (gently) say it, but I agree with you that it must be expressed. Could you take sort of a curious apporoach? So that it doesn't seem so serious (The Talk) or sound as a critique? Can you also show some vulnerability in it? For example, "Don't you think it is strange that we never talk about that we actually broke up for 2 months? I have been scared about bringing it up because I was afraid how you would react." |
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Post by anne12 on Oct 27, 2019 10:54:04 GMT
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Post by happyidiot on Oct 27, 2019 20:29:15 GMT
This makes total sense — to wait until they reach out and are more open to discussing. Although how do you know when you're letting it go for too long? In the latest in my situation, my FA went MIA for basically a month with a couple of words of acknowledgement of my apology — as I've wrote about here. This is all after a bumpy couple of months, him having a lot of personal things going on, etc. Then when he returned from out of town at beginning of month, texted several different times saying I was a wonderful person and he's attracted to me, etc. It was very minimal back and forth, I kept it light and kind but showing interest, and he seemed to be feeling out if I was still interested. I guess I got too bold because ~10 days ago, in a very cute, friendly, complimentary, light way ask him if we could skip to the part where we'd hang out in-person, and I said that I've missed him. I knew it would have taken him several days to respond to that as it was very direct and more intense, but I didn't think it would cause him to deactivate or pull away for this long. I get now it was probably too much pressure given everything he has going on, but I said it because I feel like texting only these past couple of months (us both being out of town a lot) has only led to things being translated wrong, and I wanted to be able to have some quality time (and to talk— which I didn't mention). And I get the I've missed you part was probably too much, but it's how I felt... I was trying to be true to myself too. Anyway, since there's been no response from him for ~10 days, but he's viewed all of my IG stories. I'm trying to just focus on me, move forward, and if he comes around then have a conversation if he's willing to talk— but it feels so weird not saying anything. It's also confusing, like why did he come back and say all of those very forward / direct things only to disappear again? I mean, I get it, it's too much pressure and too much intimacy, he felt engulfed, etc, but it just seems like he wouldn't have even made that move. My therapist — who is well versed in attachment theory — says to wait until he's not triggered and is less scared — and if I really want I can send a simple "how are you?" in a bit. Anyway, that's my update and battle with trying to wait until they're untriggered. Also, mrob , sooooooo appreciate you and all of your amazing feedback, insight, and willingness to open up. I agree with the others, FAs may be hard work, but when you've found someone really special to you, it's worth it to try. It's so great to see your progress on these boards, and thanks for constantly putting up with our stories and questions! You're so valued. What are you hoping for from someone who (ostensibly) finds being asked to get together in person THAT triggering? This is not really the kind of situation I was referring to, I was talking more about not sweeping things under the rug when lines of communication are open. When someone controls or has effectively closed the lines of communication by ghosting or cherry picking which texts they reply to and refusing to talk in person, that limits your options and it should be cause to really consider how much you are investing in them. If someone is not investing in you, why are you investing in them? I think your plan of focussing on yourself and moving forward is solid. I also support your decision to be true to yourself by telling him you missed him. Sure that can be a bit triggering to some avoidant people, but if that is so triggering to someone that they ghost you, well, good riddance in my opinion. The solution is not to try to anticipate anything that might "trigger" him and avoid saying perfectly normal nice things to someone in fear of scaring them off. I remember I used to think that way, that if only I acted perfectly and patiently and non-triggeringly that I wouldn't have scared away my avoidant ex, that maybe we would have gotten closer over time, but now, the more secure I get the more I think, no, the better thing to do would be to scare someone like that off even faster, to make room in my life for someone who can handle being invited to do things and talking about feelings. I don't think it matters if he is behaving this way because he is triggered avoidant or because he is just not that into you and doesn't know how to tell you, the result is the same. In neither case should you be agonizing over the perfect things to say or the perfect time to say them. If someone disappears whenever you suggest getting together that gives you a lot of information. |
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Post by stu on Oct 27, 2019 21:00:30 GMT
This makes total sense — to wait until they reach out and are more open to discussing. Although how do you know when you're letting it go for too long? In the latest in my situation, my FA went MIA for basically a month with a couple of words of acknowledgement of my apology — as I've wrote about here. This is all after a bumpy couple of months, him having a lot of personal things going on, etc. Then when he returned from out of town at beginning of month, texted several different times saying I was a wonderful person and he's attracted to me, etc. It was very minimal back and forth, I kept it light and kind but showing interest, and he seemed to be feeling out if I was still interested. I guess I got too bold because ~10 days ago, in a very cute, friendly, complimentary, light way ask him if we could skip to the part where we'd hang out in-person, and I said that I've missed him. I knew it would have taken him several days to respond to that as it was very direct and more intense, but I didn't think it would cause him to deactivate or pull away for this long. I get now it was probably too much pressure given everything he has going on, but I said it because I feel like texting only these past couple of months (us both being out of town a lot) has only led to things being translated wrong, and I wanted to be able to have some quality time (and to talk— which I didn't mention). And I get the I've missed you part was probably too much, but it's how I felt... I was trying to be true to myself too. Anyway, since there's been no response from him for ~10 days, but he's viewed all of my IG stories. I'm trying to just focus on me, move forward, and if he comes around then have a conversation if he's willing to talk— but it feels so weird not saying anything. It's also confusing, like why did he come back and say all of those very forward / direct things only to disappear again? I mean, I get it, it's too much pressure and too much intimacy, he felt engulfed, etc, but it just seems like he wouldn't have even made that move. My therapist — who is well versed in attachment theory — says to wait until he's not triggered and is less scared — and if I really want I can send a simple "how are you?" in a bit. Anyway, that's my update and battle with trying to wait until they're untriggered. Also, mrob , sooooooo appreciate you and all of your amazing feedback, insight, and willingness to open up. I agree with the others, FAs may be hard work, but when you've found someone really special to you, it's worth it to try. It's so great to see your progress on these boards, and thanks for constantly putting up with our stories and questions! You're so valued. What are you hoping for from someone who (ostensibly) finds being asked to get together in person THAT triggering? This is not really the kind of situation I was referring to, I was talking more about not sweeping things under the rug when lines of communication are open. When someone controls or has effectively closed the lines of communication by ghosting or cherry picking which texts they reply to and refusing to talk in person, that limits your options and it should be cause to really consider how much you are investing in them. If someone is not investing in you, why are you investing in them? I think your plan of focussing on yourself and moving forward is solid. I also support your decision to be true to yourself by telling him you missed him. Sure that can be a bit triggering to some avoidant people, but if that is so triggering to someone that they ghost you, well, good riddance in my opinion. The solution is not to try to anticipate anything that might "trigger" him and avoid saying perfectly normal nice things to someone in fear of scaring them off. I remember I used to think that way, that if only I acted perfectly and patiently and non-triggeringly that I wouldn't have scared away my avoidant ex, that maybe we would have gotten closer over time, but now, the more secure I get the more I think, no, the better thing to do would be to scare someone like that off even faster, to make room in my life for someone who can handle being invited to do things and talking about feelings. I don't think it matters if he is behaving this way because he is triggered avoidant or because he is just not that into you and doesn't know how to tell you, the result is the same. In neither case should you be agonizing over the perfect things to say or the perfect time to say them. If someone disappears whenever you suggest getting together that gives you a lot of information. Ive spoken to Caroline about this situation before and got the full low down on it. And in my opinion it's nothing to do with this guy not being into her. What seems to be going on is a typical de activation and avoidance. So I guess I'm curious myself what is the typical approach and advised strategy when the person you are seeing is de activated. Do you just focus on yourself and get involved in your personal life until they reach out again? But not getting in the mindset of waiting on them? You can just drop them like some people would suggest and that's another option as well, I think though having certain conversation and communication is only sustainable when the avoidant isn't currently in the midst of de activation and then even when they aren't. It still takes a certain kind of tact and way of speaking with conversation to not trigger any shame, or percieved criticism that would trigger them and shut them down either. Personally in my own situation I was left with no choice but to leave my ex fa for good. But Caroline's sitaution is a bit different and the guy she was seeing just has some geniune struggles with connection and intimacy. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2019 21:30:55 GMT
This makes total sense — to wait until they reach out and are more open to discussing. Although how do you know when you're letting it go for too long? In the latest in my situation, my FA went MIA for basically a month with a couple of words of acknowledgement of my apology — as I've wrote about here. This is all after a bumpy couple of months, him having a lot of personal things going on, etc. Then when he returned from out of town at beginning of month, texted several different times saying I was a wonderful person and he's attracted to me, etc. It was very minimal back and forth, I kept it light and kind but showing interest, and he seemed to be feeling out if I was still interested. I guess I got too bold because ~10 days ago, in a very cute, friendly, complimentary, light way ask him if we could skip to the part where we'd hang out in-person, and I said that I've missed him. I knew it would have taken him several days to respond to that as it was very direct and more intense, but I didn't think it would cause him to deactivate or pull away for this long. I get now it was probably too much pressure given everything he has going on, but I said it because I feel like texting only these past couple of months (us both being out of town a lot) has only led to things being translated wrong, and I wanted to be able to have some quality time (and to talk— which I didn't mention). And I get the I've missed you part was probably too much, but it's how I felt... I was trying to be true to myself too. Anyway, since there's been no response from him for ~10 days, but he's viewed all of my IG stories. I'm trying to just focus on me, move forward, and if he comes around then have a conversation if he's willing to talk— but it feels so weird not saying anything. It's also confusing, like why did he come back and say all of those very forward / direct things only to disappear again? I mean, I get it, it's too much pressure and too much intimacy, he felt engulfed, etc, but it just seems like he wouldn't have even made that move. My therapist — who is well versed in attachment theory — says to wait until he's not triggered and is less scared — and if I really want I can send a simple "how are you?" in a bit. Anyway, that's my update and battle with trying to wait until they're untriggered. Also, mrob , sooooooo appreciate you and all of your amazing feedback, insight, and willingness to open up. I agree with the others, FAs may be hard work, but when you've found someone really special to you, it's worth it to try. It's so great to see your progress on these boards, and thanks for constantly putting up with our stories and questions! You're so valued. What are you hoping for from someone who (ostensibly) finds being asked to get together in person THAT triggering? This is not really the kind of situation I was referring to, I was talking more about not sweeping things under the rug when lines of communication are open. When someone controls or has effectively closed the lines of communication by ghosting or cherry picking which texts they reply to and refusing to talk in person, that limits your options and it should be cause to really consider how much you are investing in them. If someone is not investing in you, why are you investing in them? I think your plan of focussing on yourself and moving forward is solid. I also support your decision to be true to yourself by telling him you missed him. Sure that can be a bit triggering to some avoidant people, but if that is so triggering to someone that they ghost you, well, good riddance in my opinion. The solution is not to try to anticipate anything that might "trigger" him and avoid saying perfectly normal nice things to someone in fear of scaring them off. I remember I used to think that way, that if only I acted perfectly and patiently and non-triggeringly that I wouldn't have scared away my avoidant ex, that maybe we would have gotten closer over time, but now, the more secure I get the more I think, no, the better thing to do would be to scare someone like that off even faster, to make room in my life for someone who can handle being invited to do things and talking about feelings. I don't think it matters if he is behaving this way because he is triggered avoidant or because he is just not that into you and doesn't know how to tell you, the result is the same. In neither case should you be agonizing over the perfect things to say or the perfect time to say them. If someone disappears whenever you suggest getting together that gives you a lot of information. 💯💯💯💯💯 |
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Post by happyidiot on Oct 27, 2019 21:44:21 GMT
Ive spoken to Caroline about this situation before and got the full low down on it. And in my opinion it's nothing to do with this guy not being into her. What seems to be going on is a typical de activation and avoidance. So I guess I'm curious myself what is the typical approach and advised strategy when the person you are seeing is de activated. Do you just focus on yourself and get involved in your personal life until they reach out again? But not getting in the mindset of waiting on them? You can just drop them like some people would suggest and that's another option as well, I think though having certain conversation and communication is only sustainable when the avoidant isn't currently in the midst of de activation and then even when they aren't. It still takes a certain kind of tact and way of speaking with conversation to not trigger any shame, or percieved criticism that would trigger them and shut them down either. Personally in my own situation I was left with no choice but to leave my ex fa for good. But Caroline's sitaution is a bit different and the guy she was seeing just has some geniune struggles with connection and intimacy. I agree that based on other posts of caro 's it sounds like he has previously admitted that he's scared etc. I was trying to refer to the possibility that @inmourning brought up, that there could be other explanations for his behavior aside from him just feeling super scared and triggered, and was trying to say I don't think the cause of his behavior really matters that much, if someone doesn't want to get together in person and can't even talk about it, regardless of the reason, moving on is the best approach in my opinion. I wouldn't use the term "seeing" when they barely text and almost never see each other. Understanding someone struggles with connection and intimacy doesn't mean that you can make them into a suitable partner. I don't want a partner who struggles with connection and intimacy so greatly that they can't even get together with me in person, and it doesn't sound like that is what caroline is looking for either–correct me if I'm wrong caro |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2019 21:51:32 GMT
Ive spoken to Caroline about this situation before and got the full low down on it. And in my opinion it's nothing to do with this guy not being into her. What seems to be going on is a typical de activation and avoidance. So I guess I'm curious myself what is the typical approach and advised strategy when the person you are seeing is de activated. Do you just focus on yourself and get involved in your personal life until they reach out again? But not getting in the mindset of waiting on them? You can just drop them like some people would suggest and that's another option as well, I think though having certain conversation and communication is only sustainable when the avoidant isn't currently in the midst of de activation and then even when they aren't. It still takes a certain kind of tact and way of speaking with conversation to not trigger any shame, or percieved criticism that would trigger them and shut them down either. Personally in my own situation I was left with no choice but to leave my ex fa for good. But Caroline's sitaution is a bit different and the guy she was seeing just has some geniune struggles with connection and intimacy. I agree that based on other posts of caro 's it sounds like he has previously admitted that he's scared etc. I was trying to refer to the possibility that @inmourning brought up, that there could be other explanations for his behavior aside from him just feeling super scared and triggered, and was trying to say I don't think the cause of his behavior really matters that much, if someone doesn't want to get together in person and can't even talk about it, regardless of the reason, moving on is the best approach in my opinion. I wouldn't use the term "seeing" when they barely text and almost never see each other. Understanding someone struggles with connection and intimacy doesn't mean that you can make them into a suitable partner. I don't want a partner who struggles with connection and intimacy so greatly that they can't even get together with me in person, and it doesn't sound like that is what caroline is looking for either–correct me if I'm wrong caro Again, well said. And I agree completely that the why doesn't matter so much- but don't assume what you don't really know. There are other interpretations to this behavior that can be pretty painful. But the behavior itself is painful and unacceptable, and in my opinion shows NO regard for Caroline. Like you said, cherry picking what texts to respond to, ghosting.... after a simple I miss you? That, actually, seems cruel to me. I can't say it's done intentionally to be cruel... but what a load of crap that a simple bid and expressed affection is met with silence, and Caroline wondering how she might have messed that up. It's just not good, not good at all. It would not be good for anyone. |
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Post by tnr9 on Oct 27, 2019 22:08:16 GMT
caro those are words I find really hard. I conditioned myself to not miss people, so it can seem like an obligation, and a step towards engulfment. serenity The beige loving concept is problematic as well, though. I was with someone recently who ticked most of the boxes, but (I think) is secure leaning a little towards anxious. Very stable. She just wasn’t exciting enough. I’m naturally attracted to crazy people. I find them exciting! So, I have to really watch that one. ...I so appreciate you being honest on these forums....but maybe it is time to challenge that conditioning...especially because that conditioning is very detrimental to intimacy. We all have to challenge our conditioning that we formed when we were much younger in an attempt to protect ourselves so I am not singling you out. B was the same way....he reacted to certain phrases as if they were obligations. An obligation feels horrible to a very boundaried person....can you find a way to see it as simply an invitation from the other person? A communication of their feelings that lie solely with that person and you have a choice as to whether you feel the same or not. Scary stuff to explore conditions that no longer serve us....but it all good stuff. |
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Post by stu on Oct 27, 2019 22:36:47 GMT
Ive spoken to Caroline about this situation before and got the full low down on it. And in my opinion it's nothing to do with this guy not being into her. What seems to be going on is a typical de activation and avoidance. So I guess I'm curious myself what is the typical approach and advised strategy when the person you are seeing is de activated. Do you just focus on yourself and get involved in your personal life until they reach out again? But not getting in the mindset of waiting on them? You can just drop them like some people would suggest and that's another option as well, I think though having certain conversation and communication is only sustainable when the avoidant isn't currently in the midst of de activation and then even when they aren't. It still takes a certain kind of tact and way of speaking with conversation to not trigger any shame, or percieved criticism that would trigger them and shut them down either. Personally in my own situation I was left with no choice but to leave my ex fa for good. But Caroline's sitaution is a bit different and the guy she was seeing just has some geniune struggles with connection and intimacy. I agree that based on other posts of caro 's it sounds like he has previously admitted that he's scared etc. I was trying to refer to the possibility that @inmourning brought up, that there could be other explanations for his behavior aside from him just feeling super scared and triggered, and was trying to say I don't think the cause of his behavior really matters that much, if someone doesn't want to get together in person and can't even talk about it, regardless of the reason, moving on is the best approach in my opinion. I wouldn't use the term "seeing" when they barely text and almost never see each other. Understanding someone struggles with connection and intimacy doesn't mean that you can make them into a suitable partner. I don't want a partner who struggles with connection and intimacy so greatly that they can't even get together with me in person, and it doesn't sound like that is what caroline is looking for either–correct me if I'm wrong caroI don't think it does either. But in her situation if he were to ever build up the courage and did connect that maybe she could see how she felt from there. Opening a dialogue and seeing if they could both be on the same page or not. And then figure out what she wanted with the situation and the other person as well. Assuming he made enough effort to reach out and followed through with actually meeting her. |
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