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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2019 1:19:04 GMT
Incidentally; the pleasing, non confrontational behavior that I think I see operating that is related to survival in CPTSD is fawning. It's in an article I posted in the general forum when I was posting as sherry. It's an anxious adaptation to mitigate a threat (or loss, of caregiver). My adaptation is giving up, resignation (to loss and no caregiver). In that I have been unable to form close bonds until more recently. There hasn't been hot/cold. I could see a secure flip to fawning that looks like secure to them, because it isn't protest behavior fight/flight. In case it provides any insight. I know the three who say they are secure and then appeased and were accommodating to FA's who harmed them all have painful childhood experiences. Isn't it the case though, that any secure can exhibit anxious behaviors because of what their partners bring out in them, just as an FA's traits will vary according to who they are with and what that partner brings out. I don't believe there is such thing as a secure who is never insecure. Anyone can be manipulated to some extent. People can cause other people to react a certain way sometimes, but secures are more quick to recognize when the boundaries aren't healthy and quickly act on it. Yes that's exactly what I mean- just providing the fawn info because I always hear fight/flight/freeze but rarely fawn, and it can just give something to be alert to when watching your own dynamic with an unavailable partner. Because it doesn't look like fight or flight maybe you could miss it? It may seem just patient or secure when actually it's fear based, triggered by threat of loss. Just an idea on how to get insight into how you've been triggered and what impact it has on your behaviors, I could be mistaken. |
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Post by nyc718 on Oct 28, 2019 1:31:34 GMT
Isn't it the case though, that any secure can exhibit anxious behaviors because of what their partners bring out in them, just as an FA's traits will vary according to who they are with and what that partner brings out. I don't believe there is such thing as a secure who is never insecure. Anyone can be manipulated to some extent. People can cause other people to react a certain way sometimes, but secures are more quick to recognize when the boundaries aren't healthy and quickly act on it. Yes that's exactly what I mean- just providing the fawn info because I always hear fight/flight/freeze but rarely fawn, and it can just give something to be alert to when watching your own dynamic with an unavailable partner. Because it doesn't look like fight or flight maybe you could miss it? It may seem just patient or secure when actually it's fear based, triggered by threat of loss. Just an idea on how to get insight into how you've been triggered and what impact it has on your behaviors, I could be mistaken. Well I will not lie and say that fear of loss has not been a motivation for me to stay and try to work things out, but as in many things, it's sometimes a process to walk away from something you want so badly. I have been through loss before, and it is a process for me to accept that this may also end in a loss. But it is what it is and I am doing my best. |
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