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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2019 11:06:03 GMT
I met my current partner on tinder. lol. he was the last person I was going to meet up with cos I got tired of the whole online dating shenanigan - in my texting before meeting up, I was pretty straightforward in responding to questions and asking difficult questions of my own, and he met me at every turn. When we met, I didn't bother to get interested; just took it as a fun date that will never result in anything like all the other dates. He never stopped texting me and we met up again 2 months later, and the rest was history. that said, had to kiss alot of frogs before i got to this one, but dating as a earned secure cuts through the bs alot faster.
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Post by dhali on Oct 31, 2019 18:35:40 GMT
I know that just because it doesn’t work for others here, that doesn’t mean online dating is worthless, but I admit it feels discouraging. I was happy about getting out there and meeting some new people and having a chance to set some boundaries. I think I’m just going to have to try it even if it’s not the optimal way to meet a secure partner. I’ll try to combine it with other methods. If anyone has dating advice for an introvert who has an all-female friend group, please let me know!! I don't think it's a suboptimal way of meeting secure's. Let's not start a meme that has no evidence to it. It's not as if it's shark infested waters over any other set of waters. |
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Post by serenity on Oct 31, 2019 19:47:03 GMT
I know that just because it doesn’t work for others here, that doesn’t mean online dating is worthless, but I admit it feels discouraging. I was happy about getting out there and meeting some new people and having a chance to set some boundaries. I think I’m just going to have to try it even if it’s not the optimal way to meet a secure partner. I’ll try to combine it with other methods. If anyone has dating advice for an introvert who has an all-female friend group, please let me know!! Having a strong vision for your life , as well as hobbies and sport interests are usually great connection points, and a good way to identify who you need in your life IMO. |
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Post by iz42 on Oct 31, 2019 20:27:04 GMT
I know that just because it doesn’t work for others here, that doesn’t mean online dating is worthless, but I admit it feels discouraging. I was happy about getting out there and meeting some new people and having a chance to set some boundaries. I think I’m just going to have to try it even if it’s not the optimal way to meet a secure partner. I’ll try to combine it with other methods. If anyone has dating advice for an introvert who has an all-female friend group, please let me know!! Having a strong vision for your life , as well as hobbies and sport interests are usually great connection points, and a good way to identify who you need in your life IMO. That's helpful, thanks. I do have a strong vision for my life. I feel like wanting similar things and being emotionally compatible are more important to me than sharing hobbies at this stage. Shared interests are valuable but they've only gotten me so far in the past. |
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Post by serenity on Oct 31, 2019 20:46:44 GMT
That sounds wise iz42. In my own experiences, people from traumatic backgrounds can share a lot in common, in terms of what comforts them (music, bars, sex, other comforting activities). All they really seem to indicate is you are both hurt people looking for comfort.
I've met higher quality people through sports and pet and wildlife rescue.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2019 0:53:12 GMT
Here's an article on shared trauma that I found to be a really good reminder of what serenity just said. medium.com/@arahthequill/stop-mistaking-shared-trauma-for-compatibility-ae8dd1f4c7b4While currentpartner and I commiserated over our learning experiences (our previous relationships), the topic was used not to bond over, but to share with each other what the learning points were and what values/standards have been set since then and what that meant for us as a new couple. I also shared this article with him so that we're mindful of not bonding over shared trauma, but really building a new relationship based on newfound self awareness. It's a tricky line to navigate because you have to be mindful of how the attention is allocated and what kind of "bonding" is happening while talking about similar threads in trauma histories - something that insecures mistake as understanding, bonding and compatibility based on the emotional resonance these discussions create. |
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