The Freeze

I'm sorry: that's not what I meant! The reply seemed strangely invalidating to OP's topic, but it's more clear now. 

I've been lacking the upregulation of my sympathetic nervous system D:

I've even been able to have some healthy anger and set some boundaries with some people that I had shut my response down to (triggering stuff- autorelax and "auto give up " and "auto tuneout" has not been good to me in some regards. In other ways, it's been supportive and functional. I talked to my therapist about losing it absolutely and how vulnerable and raw and somewhat adrift that made me feel- it made me feel confused about a lot of things, like losing a leg that I didn't know how I could walk without. Being one way so long, it's disorienting, to think of being a whole new way. He assured me that I would be able to retain a lot of the good of my adaptation- and he validated those things for me. He said there is wisdom in the body as well as work out defenses.
Those things are personal to me, and I don't want to go into them- but the idea is not to lose my unique self, not to squeeze into another mold. But to integrate, and become more whole in some areas. I like this plan.

Ha! I don't watch movies, only rarely.  But that one for sure slipped by me because everyone was singing that damn song 😖😂

It's funny you being this up, I was just thinking of it today! I don't experience the freeze so much in relationships. Except when I felt a sudden rejection, or perceive rejection. Then I might freeze and go into deactivation.

I have experienced this freeze just like you, in public exposure though. In grade school I froze during an award ceremony, I was in front of an auditorium full of people waiting for my name to be called. I was fairly new to the school. As I stood there, I felt myself sink and suddenly I was peeing my pants. (Urinating can be a severe effect of freeze). I was very weak but got away to a nearby restroom, and a teacher came and found me. I was taken to the sick room, where I spent the rest of the day, in bed.

I take this as having too much exposure when accustomed to being invisible. I've felt a freeze state when I was in a large group and expected to participate in a very close and engaged way, but I didn't want to. I felt it in a church youth group as a teen when we broke into little circles to pray out loud (I'm not religious, although I tried back then).

I have mainly avoided crowds and kept in a bubble and unaccountable in social situations so I could slip away back to my self when needed. Really, a very solitary type of life.

Later in life, I had a job that offered me a public speaking class for free, and my boss made me go with him as a team building thing. I did fine with it, but I had to push through. I was always ok doing one on one interaction but the crowd thing was difficult for me to overcome, but it is for many people.

Anyway- relating strongly to what you said about the public freeze. I deactivate more than I freeze in intimate relationships- the are related but not exactly the same. I cant explain all that because my sessions with my therapist are expensive and I only ask questions that i have a burning need to know lol. He gives me enough psycho-education to appease my cognitive nature and then we get to work on whatever I have going at the moment.

Yes. I had a job once where I would get over 150 calls a day on a weekend, and ever since then, that happens to me.

I am the same, I jump when the phone rings and never answer it, landline also.
I never answer my door if I'm not expecting anyone.
I lie to my family and friends when they say they have been trying to get hold of me for days.
But would never ever do this to a person i was in a relationship with.
My daughter does the same.
What is this all about.

FA is all about confusion!! You're in good company.