Post by lovebunny on Jan 2, 2020 14:04:35 GMT
Thanks so much you guys,
I think, now that I've had a week to sit on it, that I was definitely hoping to fast-forward the relationship. Sad truth is, I'm lonely. My psyche took a huge hit when my ex-girlfriend dumped me out of the blue for a younger woman almost 7 months ago, and this new woman was the first time I've felt truly hopeful and excited about anyone I've dated since then. I don't have close ties to family, and the handful of good friends I have are busy with their own mostly long-term relationships. I'm introverted and hate "busyness" and spend more time alone at loose ends than I'd like. I very much feel shame at my inability to get and stay in a healthy relationship when I feel so ready for one.
Shining Star: "do you want a healthy relationship or do you want this person". I don't think I want this woman badly enough to tolerate EU. She's fun, kind, sexy to me, and makes me feel seen, and we have a lot in common--we even want to retire in the same foreign country!! But she's EU. I don't want to chase or wait for someone who is intentionally keeping me at arm's length.
Yesterday, she texted me Happy NY with 3 exclamation points. I texted back several hours later You too with no punctuation. I want to leave the door open to her in case she becomes relationship-ready, but I have no warmth or openness at this moment. When she shut off the flow of energy between us so violently (literally jumping off of me in the middle of a make out) something in me snapped shut to self-protect, and I think she'd have to do something to indicate a real interest in me to warm me up again (a two word text with many exclamation points doesn't cut it.)
Andy: I've been poly on and off throughout my life, depending on the people I was with. Yes, it's very difficult to find a woman willing to engage in such an arrangement. These days, I resonate most with Dan Savage's "monogam-ish," but most women aren't comfortable with that, so I'm fine with monogamy. I still date men too, but I don't seem to attach to them easily. The older I get, the more I find my sexually shifting towards women almost exclusively.
Anne12: I'm not sure about being disorganized attached. I think what happened was AP combined with fairly acute rejection sensitivity. I actually can be quite secure, when my partner is calm, attentive, and warm. I was very stable and happy throughout most of my last relationship, at least during the long months when she wasn't going FA on me. Years ago, when my marriage was going well, I was able to focus on all kinds of things that weren't my relationship. I really do think I can thrive and be secure with the right person.
I think, now that I've had a week to sit on it, that I was definitely hoping to fast-forward the relationship. Sad truth is, I'm lonely. My psyche took a huge hit when my ex-girlfriend dumped me out of the blue for a younger woman almost 7 months ago, and this new woman was the first time I've felt truly hopeful and excited about anyone I've dated since then. I don't have close ties to family, and the handful of good friends I have are busy with their own mostly long-term relationships. I'm introverted and hate "busyness" and spend more time alone at loose ends than I'd like. I very much feel shame at my inability to get and stay in a healthy relationship when I feel so ready for one.
Shining Star: "do you want a healthy relationship or do you want this person". I don't think I want this woman badly enough to tolerate EU. She's fun, kind, sexy to me, and makes me feel seen, and we have a lot in common--we even want to retire in the same foreign country!! But she's EU. I don't want to chase or wait for someone who is intentionally keeping me at arm's length.
Yesterday, she texted me Happy NY with 3 exclamation points. I texted back several hours later You too with no punctuation. I want to leave the door open to her in case she becomes relationship-ready, but I have no warmth or openness at this moment. When she shut off the flow of energy between us so violently (literally jumping off of me in the middle of a make out) something in me snapped shut to self-protect, and I think she'd have to do something to indicate a real interest in me to warm me up again (a two word text with many exclamation points doesn't cut it.)
Andy: I've been poly on and off throughout my life, depending on the people I was with. Yes, it's very difficult to find a woman willing to engage in such an arrangement. These days, I resonate most with Dan Savage's "monogam-ish," but most women aren't comfortable with that, so I'm fine with monogamy. I still date men too, but I don't seem to attach to them easily. The older I get, the more I find my sexually shifting towards women almost exclusively.
Anne12: I'm not sure about being disorganized attached. I think what happened was AP combined with fairly acute rejection sensitivity. I actually can be quite secure, when my partner is calm, attentive, and warm. I was very stable and happy throughout most of my last relationship, at least during the long months when she wasn't going FA on me. Years ago, when my marriage was going well, I was able to focus on all kinds of things that weren't my relationship. I really do think I can thrive and be secure with the right person.