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Post by tnr9 on Jan 7, 2020 14:37:30 GMT
This. Getting sober was not easy. I thought I would never stop. I wanted to, but i couldn't. That said? Sobriety is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. As I focused on that, things fell into place. It took time. I was in and out of AA for a while before I began to work the program. I hope you might give it another go. Take gentle care of yourself, You can do this! I feel a failure when I have gone to AA in the past because I haven't been able to commit myself to the program and feel to shy to speak up at meetings. Are there any other methods. Being such a loner doesn't help me. Feeling scared that I will be stuck like this forever. I think the primary aspect of AA is accountability....do you have someone...a friend, who can be your accountability partner? Someone you can call when you are tempted to drink? Someone who will not judge you but will also keep you motivated to make progress? I would offer...but I am across the pond. |
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Post by Helsbells on Jan 7, 2020 14:49:19 GMT
Thanks serenity for your reply. I live in the uk so not sure about cannibas on prescription over here. I dont really know my doctor as I'm not really good at visiting gps and asking for help. The black cloud that I fear so much is looming over head and the thought of that dark place consuming me again has filled me full of fear. The not feeling enough, good enough that has plagued my life from childhood has been weighing heavy on me today. Not good right now, but appreciate everyone talking to me on this forum it is helping x I lost my SO of 15 years a few years back, a car accident, and he was a true beauty and the love of my life. I tried to drink my way through it, but the anxiety of his loss took over, I couldn't sleep and I had a full mental breakdown because of the lack of sleep. After that, I could not focus enough to even prepare a meal, and couldn't read or talk for a time, it got that bad when I collapsed. It took about a year for me to recover basic functions. I forced myself to go to a GP, and he made me talk about what happened. That was the best thing ever, because I had noone. He gave me anti anxiety meds to calm me down, and it sedated me through the worst of it. I know the black cloud you mean, it was exactly like that. I'm so sorry for your loss. And that this selfish muppet was the guy you looked to for love and he let you down so catastrophically. He probably has no idea or care for how badly that affected you, after what you went through already. Don't drink yourself to death. Take care of your precious body, it needs your care now. Serenity this made me cry, I am so sorry you lost your love, that is so tragic and my heart hurts to hear this. I dont think I was ready for a relationship when I met my ex but was so desperately lonely. I nursed my husband for a year and a half before he passed away and it was very traumatic. I was very in need of love when I met him and very vulnerable too. I guess I attracted him into my life because of the place I was in at the time. He wasnt a bad man but i certainly could have done without the whole experience of the last two years. I hope as I start to heal I will look back and be grateful to him for leading me to this forum and finding out about my own attachment trauma and how that has played out my whole adult life. I too am struggling to self care, eat and sleep. I cant motivate myself to do anything positive for myself right now. I feel overwhelmed by fear for the future. Do you remember what the medication you took for anxiety was called. I will pray to find the strength to pick up the phone and call my gp. Please keep talking to me because it feels like the only thing that is keeping me going right now. I am so grateful for everyone taking the time to write to me and support me thru these dark days. My I ask how you are doing now. Your amazing after what you have gone through. Lots of love x |
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Post by mrob on Jan 7, 2020 18:57:42 GMT
Some questions that only you can answer in your own mind. The answers are your business entirely. Helsbells Do you drink because you have problems? To face up to stressful situations? Do you drink when you get mad at other people, your friends or parents? Do you often prefer to drink alone, rather than with others? Are you starting to get low marks? Are you skiving off work? Do you ever try to stop or drink less – and fail? Have you begun to drink in the morning, before school or work? Do you gulp your drinks as if to satisfy a great thirst? Do you ever have loss of memory due to your drinking? Do you avoid being honest with others about your drinking? Do you ever get into trouble when you are drinking? Do you often get drunk when you drink, even when you do not mean to The answers are nobody’s business but your own. If you can answer yes to any one of these questions, maybe it’s time you took a serious look at what your drinking might be doing to you. My life, trying to get over my 1st wife, a DA, was like Groundhog Day for two years, even though I certainly had a problem years before. It was only when I got sober and started looking at my life that things improved. If I'm being totally honest with myself I can say yes to more than one of these questions. May I ask when you say every day felt like groundhog day for the first two years after your first wive, was that because you were drinking on your pain and trying to drown this stuff out. Is AA the only way one can get sober? A mix of both, although I had no idea what attachment theory was. There are other ways, I’m sure, but AA is proven and local. If you can answer yes to more than one, and I was horrified when I got to the part where it said only one, it’s probably not going to get too much better. |
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Post by serenity on Jan 7, 2020 20:58:03 GMT
I lost my SO of 15 years a few years back, a car accident, and he was a true beauty and the love of my life. I tried to drink my way through it, but the anxiety of his loss took over, I couldn't sleep and I had a full mental breakdown because of the lack of sleep. After that, I could not focus enough to even prepare a meal, and couldn't read or talk for a time, it got that bad when I collapsed. It took about a year for me to recover basic functions. I forced myself to go to a GP, and he made me talk about what happened. That was the best thing ever, because I had noone. He gave me anti anxiety meds to calm me down, and it sedated me through the worst of it. I know the black cloud you mean, it was exactly like that. I'm so sorry for your loss. And that this selfish muppet was the guy you looked to for love and he let you down so catastrophically. He probably has no idea or care for how badly that affected you, after what you went through already. Don't drink yourself to death. Take care of your precious body, it needs your care now. Serenity this made me cry, I am so sorry you lost your love, that is so tragic and my heart hurts to hear this. I dont think I was ready for a relationship when I met my ex but was so desperately lonely. I nursed my husband for a year and a half before he passed away and it was very traumatic. I was very in need of love when I met him and very vulnerable too. I guess I attracted him into my life because of the place I was in at the time. He wasnt a bad man but i certainly could have done without the whole experience of the last two years. I hope as I start to heal I will look back and be grateful to him for leading me to this forum and finding out about my own attachment trauma and how that has played out my whole adult life. I too am struggling to self care, eat and sleep. I cant motivate myself to do anything positive for myself right now. I feel overwhelmed by fear for the future. Do you remember what the medication you took for anxiety was called. I will pray to find the strength to pick up the phone and call my gp. Please keep talking to me because it feels like the only thing that is keeping me going right now. I am so grateful for everyone taking the time to write to me and support me thru these dark days. My I ask how you are doing now. Your amazing after what you have gone through. Lots of love x Lots of love to you too <3 I'm shocked by how much you've been through, hon:( I can't imagine many human life experiences as grueling as nursing your SO through terminal illness. I know what you mean about feeling vulnerable, alone, and welcoming of love after such a huge loss. I sometimes wonder about the connection to finding myself with a FA guy after I lost my SO too. I think, like you, I was attracted by his love. And then when things went bad, I probably just didn't have it in me to deal with another significant loss. So I held on, when I probably shouldn't have. I stuck in there for 15 months, and I guess it took me that long to be able to deal with the full impact of abandonment again. We've been split up for 4 months, and idk. I guess after losing my SO, this loss feels triggering but nowhere near as bad as losing someone who actually loved me for a decade and half. The first month was hard, but it got much better after that. The anti anxiety med I took when i lost my SO and started drinking was a variant of diazepam , what they call a `Benzo' (from the benzodiazepine family of medications). Diazepam is also used very successfully for alcohol withdrawral, as it sedates as well as stops the withdrawral symptoms. These are addictive meds in their own right, so the way to use it for alcohol withdrawral is over a ten day period, and tapering down before you quit it. I found the drug type very effective, but a bit strong. I took a quarter dose of what was recommended and still felt like a zombie. But zombie was good at the time. After getting off the booze, and the diazepam, I moved onto a mild over the counter sedative called doxylamine ( called `unisom' in the UK). I really needed to make sure I slept so I wouldn't break down again, and I took doxylamine/unisom at nights. It has some protective properties for your gut lining (good if you've been drinking) and is an anti histamine, anti nausea drug as well. You could probably skip diazepam and just use this instead for alcohol withdrawral symptoms. Its not addictive or too strong, and your local drug store will have it, or you could buy it online. Stay well, and know that you have the strength to get through this. You've been through much worse. Sending you hugs and much love |
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Post by Helsbells on Jan 7, 2020 22:02:50 GMT
Serenity this made me cry, I am so sorry you lost your love, that is so tragic and my heart hurts to hear this. I dont think I was ready for a relationship when I met my ex but was so desperately lonely. I nursed my husband for a year and a half before he passed away and it was very traumatic. I was very in need of love when I met him and very vulnerable too. I guess I attracted him into my life because of the place I was in at the time. He wasnt a bad man but i certainly could have done without the whole experience of the last two years. I hope as I start to heal I will look back and be grateful to him for leading me to this forum and finding out about my own attachment trauma and how that has played out my whole adult life. I too am struggling to self care, eat and sleep. I cant motivate myself to do anything positive for myself right now. I feel overwhelmed by fear for the future. Do you remember what the medication you took for anxiety was called. I will pray to find the strength to pick up the phone and call my gp. Please keep talking to me because it feels like the only thing that is keeping me going right now. I am so grateful for everyone taking the time to write to me and support me thru these dark days. My I ask how you are doing now. Your amazing after what you have gone through. Lots of love x Lots of love to you too <3 I'm shocked by how much you've been through, hon:( I can't imagine many human life experiences as grueling as nursing your SO through terminal illness. I know what you mean about feeling vulnerable, alone, and welcoming of love after such a huge loss. I sometimes wonder about the connection to finding myself with a FA guy after I lost my SO too. I think, like you, I was attracted by his love. And then when things went bad, I probably just didn't have it in me to deal with another significant loss. So I held on, when I probably shouldn't have. I stuck in there for 15 months, and I guess it took me that long to be able to deal with the full impact of abandonment again. We've been split up for 4 months, and idk. I guess after losing my SO, this loss feels triggering but nowhere near as bad as losing someone who actually loved me for a decade and half. The first month was hard, but it got much better after that. The anti anxiety med I took when i lost my SO and started drinking was a variant of diazepam , what they call a `Benzo' (from the benzodiazepine family of medications). Diazepam is also used very successfully for alcohol withdrawral, as it sedates as well as stops the withdrawral symptoms. These are addictive meds in their own right, so the way to use it for alcohol withdrawral is over a ten day period, and tapering down before you quit it. I found the drug type very effective, but a bit strong. I took a quarter dose of what was recommended and still felt like a zombie. But zombie was good at the time. After getting off the booze, and the diazepam, I moved onto a mild over the counter sedative called doxylamine ( called `unisom' in the UK). I really needed to make sure I slept so I wouldn't break down again, and I took doxylamine/unisom at nights. It has some protective properties for your gut lining (good if you've been drinking) and is an anti histamine, anti nausea drug as well. You could probably skip diazepam and just use this instead for alcohol withdrawral symptoms. Its not addictive or too strong, and your local drug store will have it, or you could buy it online. Stay well, and know that you have the strength to get through this. You've been through much worse. Sending you hugs and much love Serenity thank you so much, you have given me such hope that I can beat this and come of the booze. It's like a best friend and worst enemy in the same bottle. I'm glad I have my job that is giving me some structure and my little dog to get me out for some fresh air. I did ignore the red flags from the get go. My ex told me he was rubbish at relationships, I refused to believe it as I fell for him from the moment I met him. A big learning curve. It does annoy me that when ever hes left me in the past hes straight on the dating sites even though he knows hes rubbish in relationships. I guess he tells himself it's the other persons fault it failed again and not his. I had a good shift in work this evening and spent the day with my daughter so feeling a little lighter at the moment. My desire is to get to a place where I value myself, and dont need to have a man in my life to feel complete. I'm sticking very close to this forum right now as its helping me like nothing else atm. Thank you again for all your support xx |
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jules
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Post by jules on Jan 8, 2020 1:48:42 GMT
The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. You can pass or say you are just listening you dont have to speak. You dont have to dedicate yourself to anything right away. I just sat there and listened, but I kept going. The first four months I was getting sober I was out of work. I made as many meetings as I could. I was killing myself but I wasn't dying. So I started to intensely live again. Clear headed. I felt better. I started to talk to more people. And it, as I said, just fell into place. It helps to be with people who had been where I'd been. It's really about so much more than drinking.
There are other things. I think something called smart. I'm not sure exactly.
Open mindedness, willingness, and becoming teachable were imperative to my growth in the program.
Maybe find a nice womens meeting? Try different ones in different areas. You may find a groove.
Clear headed is aaamazing.
Truly crisp and delicious!
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jules
Full Member
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Post by jules on Jan 8, 2020 2:16:07 GMT
Diazepam is a benzodiazepine. As is xanax. Ativan & so on. They are used for anxiety as well as alcohol withdrawal. They are highly abused as well as alcohol and recreational drugs. Some refer to them as liquid alcohol. They can be brutal to quit and require a medically supervised taper. Can die from that withdrawl
Withdrawl from alcohol can be life threatening as well You can actually die from it too. It should *always be monitored by a physician who has an honest appraisal of ones use of drugs and alcohol (which is technically a drug too)
I learned a lot in my fancy schmancy rehab. Lol.
It's hard to ask for help, despite how many people want to help. Once I got over that pride/ego thing and asked I received. People loved me until I could love myself again.
It gets so much better!
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Post by serenity on Jan 8, 2020 5:05:57 GMT
Lots of love to you too <3 I'm shocked by how much you've been through, hon:( I can't imagine many human life experiences as grueling as nursing your SO through terminal illness. I know what you mean about feeling vulnerable, alone, and welcoming of love after such a huge loss. I sometimes wonder about the connection to finding myself with a FA guy after I lost my SO too. I think, like you, I was attracted by his love. And then when things went bad, I probably just didn't have it in me to deal with another significant loss. So I held on, when I probably shouldn't have. I stuck in there for 15 months, and I guess it took me that long to be able to deal with the full impact of abandonment again. We've been split up for 4 months, and idk. I guess after losing my SO, this loss feels triggering but nowhere near as bad as losing someone who actually loved me for a decade and half. The first month was hard, but it got much better after that. The anti anxiety med I took when i lost my SO and started drinking was a variant of diazepam , what they call a `Benzo' (from the benzodiazepine family of medications). Diazepam is also used very successfully for alcohol withdrawral, as it sedates as well as stops the withdrawral symptoms. These are addictive meds in their own right, so the way to use it for alcohol withdrawral is over a ten day period, and tapering down before you quit it. I found the drug type very effective, but a bit strong. I took a quarter dose of what was recommended and still felt like a zombie. But zombie was good at the time. After getting off the booze, and the diazepam, I moved onto a mild over the counter sedative called doxylamine ( called `unisom' in the UK). I really needed to make sure I slept so I wouldn't break down again, and I took doxylamine/unisom at nights. It has some protective properties for your gut lining (good if you've been drinking) and is an anti histamine, anti nausea drug as well. You could probably skip diazepam and just use this instead for alcohol withdrawral symptoms. Its not addictive or too strong, and your local drug store will have it, or you could buy it online. Stay well, and know that you have the strength to get through this?. You've been through much worse. Sending you hugs and much love Serenity thank you so much, you have given me such hope that I can beat this and come of the booze. It's like a best friend and worst enemy in the same bottle. I'm glad I have my job that is giving me some structure and my little dog to get me out for some fresh air. I did ignore the red flags from the get go. My ex told me he was rubbish at relationships, I refused to believe it as I fell for him from the moment I met him. A big learning curve. It does annoy me that when ever hes left me in the past hes straight on the dating sites even though he knows hes rubbish in relationships. I guess he tells himself it's the other persons fault it failed again and not his. I had a good shift in work this evening and spent the day with my daughter so feeling a little lighter at the moment. My desire is to get to a place where I value myself, and dont need to have a man in my life to feel complete. I'm sticking very close to this forum right now as its helping me like nothing else atm. Thank you again for all your support xx You surely can come off the booze. You've had very good reasons to crave it, and now you're facing a major loss which is awful for sobriety. But in a little while you may start to feel stable enough to seriously tackle this. Whether you use anti anxiety meds, SSRI's, a support group, or therapy, it definitely can be done. Just know there are options and people who want to help you out there. If I may make a suggestion, let yourself cry as much as you need to through this?. Feel your feelings, and don't mask them. If your mind reaches for negative self talk, don't let it. Be kind to yourself. Eventually the tears do run dry, and you do stop hurting. It happens faster if you don't run from the pain. I'm sorry you are hurting. Sending lots of love! <3 |
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Post by Helsbells on Jan 8, 2020 11:42:15 GMT
Serenity thank you so much, you have given me such hope that I can beat this and come of the booze. It's like a best friend and worst enemy in the same bottle. I'm glad I have my job that is giving me some structure and my little dog to get me out for some fresh air. I did ignore the red flags from the get go. My ex told me he was rubbish at relationships, I refused to believe it as I fell for him from the moment I met him. A big learning curve. It does annoy me that when ever hes left me in the past hes straight on the dating sites even though he knows hes rubbish in relationships. I guess he tells himself it's the other persons fault it failed again and not his. I had a good shift in work this evening and spent the day with my daughter so feeling a little lighter at the moment. My desire is to get to a place where I value myself, and dont need to have a man in my life to feel complete. I'm sticking very close to this forum right now as its helping me like nothing else atm. Thank you again for all your support xx You surely can come off the booze. You've had very good reasons to crave it, and now you're facing a major loss which is awful for sobriety. But in a little while you may start to feel stable enough to seriously tackle this. Whether you use anti anxiety meds, SSRI's, a support group, or therapy, it definitely can be done. Just know there are options and people who want to help you out there. If I may make a suggestion, let yourself cry as much as you need to through this?. Feel your feelings, and don't mask them. If your mind reaches for negative self talk, don't let it. Be kind to yourself. Eventually the tears do run dry, and you do stop hurting. It happens faster if you don't run from the pain. I'm sorry you are hurting. Sending lots of love! <3 Thanks Hun, I haven't been able to let the tears flow, I am carrying all the pain in my body right now. I think it all hasnt hit me yet and that is worrying me x |
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