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Post by stu on Feb 20, 2020 23:46:47 GMT
Just curious what others thought as an update to my old situation with ex fa I was dating. We stopped seeing each other after she de activated over 7 or 8 months ago. I moved out of state and been living in Texas for almost 5 months now. Went back to my old state one time for a legal matter in January, saw ex fa when I was out. Shortly after I was there she started crying, got huddled and comforted by her friends and left early from where we were. Don't know if it was related to me or not.
She started seeing someone very shortly after deactivating from me, but apparently it did not last very long at all. No surprise there lol. A few weeks ago I texted her and told her I was moving back soon and if she could help me win tickets to something in a competition. We are almost semi professional level dancers, to my shock she responded within a minute saying she would be down. But then never followed up.
I decided a few days ago, because I'm tired of the awkwardness of feeling like I have to pretend she doesn't exist when I go out, because we have the same friends and social circle but for whatever reasone she always avoids even looking in my direction. I texted her and just asked if we could remain just friends, because I don't like having to pretend we never knew each other and that I really valued our friendship as well, even if we arent romantically linked anymore.
I genuinely do not want to date her again, and am dating another girl now. But I did want to remain cordial and have a more adult social connection when we do bump into each other. Due to having the same friends and social circle, places we go to, etc. She ignored my message and never responded though. Which to me seems so odd now. I had no intention of romantically connecting, and I would assume after this much time and my distance being gone she has no reason to be so shut down still.
However to me it feels like I'm some jerk ex boyfriend that treated her badly and that she is holding some kind of anger or resentment towards. Though I always treated her awesomely, and there were moments after she originally ghosted where we talked completely normally in a group setting and one on one when out, and she seemed perfectly fine and happy to chat. So I don't think there is any particular thing she is holding onto out of anger with that in mind. The only other thing I can think of which would seem a huge stretch to me is that she somehow still has feelings and therefore shuts me out so that she doesnt get hurt.
Anyways just curious what everyone else thinks because I would rather have things be easy going when seeing each other again, rather then the awkwardness of having to feel that we dont talk to each other or acknowledge each other anymore vibe, which I have no desire to be in anyways.
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Post by Dualcitizen on Feb 21, 2020 0:18:21 GMT
Just curious what others thought as an update to my old situation with ex fa I was dating. We stopped seeing each other after she de activated over 7 or 8 months ago. I moved out of state and been living in Texas for almost 5 months now. Went back to my old state one time for a legal matter in January, saw ex fa when I was out. Shortly after I was there she started crying, got huddled and comforted by her friends and left early from where we were. Don't know if it was related to me or not. She started seeing someone very shortly after deactivating from me, but apparently it did not last very long at all. No surprise there lol. A few weeks ago I texted her and told her I was moving back soon and if she could help me win tickets to something in a competition. We are almost semi professional level dancers, to my shock she responded within a minute saying she would be down. But then never followed up. I decided a few days ago, because I'm tired of the awkwardness of feeling like I have to pretend she doesn't exist when I go out, because we have the same friends and social circle but for whatever reasone she always avoids even looking in my direction. I texted her and just asked if we could remain just friends, because I don't like having to pretend we never knew each other and that I really valued our friendship as well, even if we arent romantically linked anymore. I genuinely do not want to date her again, and am dating another girl now. But I did want to remain cordial and have a more adult social connection when we do bump into each other. Due to having the same friends and social circle, places we go to, etc. She ignored my message and never responded though. Which to me seems so odd now. I had no intention of romantically connecting, and I would assume after this much time and my distance being gone she has no reason to be so shut down still. However to me it feels like I'm some jerk ex boyfriend that treated her badly and that she is holding some kind of anger or resentment towards. Though I always treated her awesomely, and there were moments after she originally ghosted where we talked completely normally in a group setting and one on one when out, and she seemed perfectly fine and happy to chat. So I don't think there is any particular thing she is holding onto out of anger with that in mind. The only other thing I can think of which would seem a huge stretch to me is that she somehow still has feelings and therefore shuts me out so that she doesnt get hurt. Anyways just curious what everyone else thinks because I would rather have things be easy going when seeing each other again, rather then the awkwardness of having to feel that we dont talk to each other or acknowledge each other anymore vibe, which I have no desire to be in anyways. The F-As in here will have to confirm, but I would suspect the following: Once that you are intricately tied to the F-A subconscious, they may always be hypervigilant for threat queues in relation to yourself, based on the enmeshment trauma of the past and your intimacy levels. Linked to shame and guilt. She would probably feel guilty and shame on the relationship ending the way it did, her actions, and the subsequent other guy, and further fear if she let you back in, you might try and hurt her. That could be part of it. "Could be" being the operative phrase. Based on what we know. I feel, and I've had this done to me with my ex. with winning back her trust initially, after a year apart. She literally rejected a FB friend request, and also ignored me for 2 weeks, and was also "testy" in there with some aggression. I just was cool, ignored it, after all my reading, and I myself "presumed" it was testing me as a "threat" along with the fact if I was serious about my intentions. This will be ongoing imao. Turns out it must have been close to the mark, as I just chilled (based on my reading), kept communication to once every 2-3 weeks, funny memes and asking her how she was going. This lead to more positivity and our current relationship, which is on good terms. Even though I have told her about CPTSD and Fearful-Avoidant attachment. So, if you are serious, have no attachment, no real agenda except pure altruism, then if you persist, be solid, a constant positive presence and don't deviate from a centred state. She "may" trust you longer term and you have a better relationship on friendly terms. Even though my ex. is in a relationship with another guy atm, I sometimes have sent her positive affirmations about herself, to try and boost her self esteem up. Just as an example. Just from my experience the past 6 months or so. |
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Post by stu on Feb 21, 2020 0:29:57 GMT
Just curious what others thought as an update to my old situation with ex fa I was dating. We stopped seeing each other after she de activated over 7 or 8 months ago. I moved out of state and been living in Texas for almost 5 months now. Went back to my old state one time for a legal matter in January, saw ex fa when I was out. Shortly after I was there she started crying, got huddled and comforted by her friends and left early from where we were. Don't know if it was related to me or not. She started seeing someone very shortly after deactivating from me, but apparently it did not last very long at all. No surprise there lol. A few weeks ago I texted her and told her I was moving back soon and if she could help me win tickets to something in a competition. We are almost semi professional level dancers, to my shock she responded within a minute saying she would be down. But then never followed up. I decided a few days ago, because I'm tired of the awkwardness of feeling like I have to pretend she doesn't exist when I go out, because we have the same friends and social circle but for whatever reasone she always avoids even looking in my direction. I texted her and just asked if we could remain just friends, because I don't like having to pretend we never knew each other and that I really valued our friendship as well, even if we arent romantically linked anymore. I genuinely do not want to date her again, and am dating another girl now. But I did want to remain cordial and have a more adult social connection when we do bump into each other. Due to having the same friends and social circle, places we go to, etc. She ignored my message and never responded though. Which to me seems so odd now. I had no intention of romantically connecting, and I would assume after this much time and my distance being gone she has no reason to be so shut down still. However to me it feels like I'm some jerk ex boyfriend that treated her badly and that she is holding some kind of anger or resentment towards. Though I always treated her awesomely, and there were moments after she originally ghosted where we talked completely normally in a group setting and one on one when out, and she seemed perfectly fine and happy to chat. So I don't think there is any particular thing she is holding onto out of anger with that in mind. The only other thing I can think of which would seem a huge stretch to me is that she somehow still has feelings and therefore shuts me out so that she doesnt get hurt. Anyways just curious what everyone else thinks because I would rather have things be easy going when seeing each other again, rather then the awkwardness of having to feel that we dont talk to each other or acknowledge each other anymore vibe, which I have no desire to be in anyways. The F-As in here will have to confirm, but I would suspect the following: Once that you are intricately tied to the F-A subconscious, they may always be hypervigilant for threat queues in relation to yourself, based on the enmeshment trauma of the past and your intimacy levels. Linked to shame and guilt. She would probably feel guilty and shame on the relationship ending the way it did, her actions, and the subsequent other guy, and further fear if she let you back in, you might try and hurt her. That could be part of it. "Could be" being the operative phrase. Based on what we know. I feel, and I've had this done to me with my ex. with winning back her trust initially, after a year apart. She literally rejected a FB friend request, and also ignored me for 2 weeks, and was also "testy" in there with some aggression. I just was cool, ignored it, after all my reading, and I myself "presumed" it was testing me as a "threat" along with the fact if I was serious about my intentions. This will be ongoing imao. Turns out it must have been close to the mark, as I just chilled (based on my reading), kept communication to once every 2-3 weeks, funny memes and asking her how she was going. This lead to more positivity and our current relationship, which is on good terms. Even though I have told her about CPTSD and Fearful-Avoidant attachment. So, if you are serious, have no attachment, no real agenda except pure altruism, then if you persist, be solid, a constant positive presence and don't deviate from a centred state. She "may" trust you longer term and you have a better relationship on friendly terms. Even though my ex. is in a relationship with another guy atm, I sometimes have sent her positive affirmations about herself, to try and boost her self esteem up. Just as an example. Just from my experience the past 6 months or so. Wow thanks, that's a very good perspective and an interesting story! I honestly don't want to put any work into anything with her though. And don't really care what shes thinking of me, if it is negative. I just thought it would be easier and more appropriate if we remained friendly and cordial to an extent. I did and do care about her a lot, but stuff she did was too damaging to try and get too close again. If she never talks to me again that's fine too. But there were things I did enjoy about our connection together and thought it would be a shame to throw it away completely. But if she's not ready for anything like that, then that's fine and I respect where she is presently. I just don't feel any anger or resentment myself about stuff she did before or care about other dudes anymore. Over it in that kind of way because I know I'll never want to seriously date her again, now. Also thought that would make it easier to be friends now, but I suppose she doesnt feel the same yet. I think you are spot on about the feeling shame and guilt about her actions and the fear of letting me in again for retaliation. She did similar before to a lesser extent and was genuinely remorseful of it after. This was before we were seriously dating, but she pulled a really immature move to push me away/ her feelings away. To which she kept trying to chase me down after then ignoring her and not wanting anything to do with it anymore. Eventually I talked to her and she apologised and made a big effort to make it right and all of that, and things were awesome. Until she finally deactivated again and did the same thing but worse. Which sucks because I feel like it's not what she really wants to do but what her unresolved stuff cause her to act out like. |
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Post by alexandra on Feb 21, 2020 0:43:30 GMT
stu, when I've been treated like that after the fact, it was simply that the other person was dating someone new and didn't have the emotionally maturity to handle any contact. Had nothing to do with how I'd treated them. I wouldn't worry about this. You can be nice and friendly to her if you run into her in your social group. She can freeze up all she wants, but if you smile and say hi and then turn your attention back to your other friends, it's really no harm no foul. You don't have to also make it awkward just because she is.
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Post by Dualcitizen on Feb 21, 2020 1:01:48 GMT
Wow thanks, that's a very good perspective and an interesting story! I honestly don't want to put any work into anything with her though. And don't really care what shes thinking of me, if it is negative. I just thought it would be easier and more appropriate if we remained friendly and cordial to an extent. I did and do care about her a lot, but stuff she did was too damaging to try and get too close again. If she never talks to me again that's fine too. But there were things I did enjoy about our connection together and thought it would be a shame to throw it away completely. But if she's not ready for anything like that, then that's fine and I respect where she is presently. I just don't feel any anger or resentment myself about stuff she did before or care about other dudes anymore. Over it in that kind of way because I know I'll never want to seriously date her again, now. Also thought that would make it easier to be friends now, but I suppose she doesnt feel the same yet. I think you are spot on about the feeling shame and guilt about her actions and the fear of letting me in again for retaliation. She did similar before to a lesser extent and was genuinely remorseful of it after. This was before we were seriously dating, but she pulled a really immature move to push me away/ her feelings away. To which she kept trying to chase me down after then ignoring her and not wanting anything to do with it anymore. Eventually I talked to her and she apologised and made a big effort to make it right and all of that, and things were awesome. Until she finally deactivated again and did the same thing but worse. Which sucks because I feel like it's not what she really wants to do but what her unresolved stuff cause her to act out like. If you don't want "some" sort of connection i.e. a chance with her again, or pure friendship, as you are stating, I wouldn't even bother worrying tbh. I actually wanted to go back and be supportive as I realised what was wrong, and why she acted the way she did, and that a solid person in her life who understands her may make a difference for a change. We too have mutual friends, close mutual friends who she used to meet me, so it's in all our interests to be on good terms. The fact you are posting here, shows you want some sort of connection with her if you're honest with yourself. You have to be even more honest and work out if it's still part of the intermittent reinforcement you are drawn towards. As seriously you would not give a damn about this woman. Honesty with oneself is essential, as you can keep cycling yourself. {edit} Because what Alexandra says above is true, all you need to do is just be cordial, wave, say hello, and just mind you're own business, it truly matters little what she is doing or thinks |
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Post by serenity on Feb 21, 2020 1:30:51 GMT
Good to hear from you Stu!
Its totally doable, but in my own experiences they don't lose their attraction to you and you're playing with fire if you haven't lost your own attraction. I'd also be considering your new romantic interest and how she would feel about you pursuing a relationship with your ex; I know that with any guy I've dated if i was pursuing contact with an ex, that would cause a lot of conflict and hurt feelings. I'd be mindful of boundaries and how you might feel if a current girlfriend was pursuing her ex (for whatever reason).
Being consistently positive and friendly when you see her in public would normally get you back on friendly terms eventually. Given she is not in therapy or asking for any mental health support, I don't think you'd need to see her as needing your help right now. Better to focus on your current love life IMO.
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Post by stu on Feb 21, 2020 9:57:48 GMT
stu, when I've been treated like that after the fact, it was simply that the other person was dating someone new and didn't have the emotionally maturity to handle any contact. Had nothing to do with how I'd treated them. I wouldn't worry about this. You can be nice and friendly to her if you run into her in your social group. She can freeze up all she wants, but if you smile and say hi and then turn your attention back to your other friends, it's really no harm no foul. You don't have to also make it awkward just because she is. Yeah that's a good idea. It just feels like a really awkward atmosphere sometimes because of how blatantly she ignores me in front of everyone who knows our history together. Sometimes other people will stare at me because of it too, which makes it all feel like high school level drama. I'm 30 by the way. So a bit past that lol |
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Post by stu on Feb 21, 2020 10:06:03 GMT
Wow thanks, that's a very good perspective and an interesting story! I honestly don't want to put any work into anything with her though. And don't really care what shes thinking of me, if it is negative. I just thought it would be easier and more appropriate if we remained friendly and cordial to an extent. I did and do care about her a lot, but stuff she did was too damaging to try and get too close again. If she never talks to me again that's fine too. But there were things I did enjoy about our connection together and thought it would be a shame to throw it away completely. But if she's not ready for anything like that, then that's fine and I respect where she is presently. I just don't feel any anger or resentment myself about stuff she did before or care about other dudes anymore. Over it in that kind of way because I know I'll never want to seriously date her again, now. Also thought that would make it easier to be friends now, but I suppose she doesnt feel the same yet. I think you are spot on about the feeling shame and guilt about her actions and the fear of letting me in again for retaliation. She did similar before to a lesser extent and was genuinely remorseful of it after. This was before we were seriously dating, but she pulled a really immature move to push me away/ her feelings away. To which she kept trying to chase me down after then ignoring her and not wanting anything to do with it anymore. Eventually I talked to her and she apologised and made a big effort to make it right and all of that, and things were awesome. Until she finally deactivated again and did the same thing but worse. Which sucks because I feel like it's not what she really wants to do but what her unresolved stuff cause her to act out like. If you don't want "some" sort of connection i.e. a chance with her again, or pure friendship, as you are stating, I wouldn't even bother worrying tbh. I actually wanted to go back and be supportive as I realised what was wrong, and why she acted the way she did, and that a solid person in her life who understands her may make a difference for a change. We too have mutual friends, close mutual friends who she used to meet me, so it's in all our interests to be on good terms. The fact you are posting here, shows you want some sort of connection with her if you're honest with yourself. You have to be even more honest and work out if it's still part of the intermittent reinforcement you are drawn towards. As seriously you would not give a damn about this woman. Honesty with oneself is essential, as you can keep cycling yourself. {edit} Because what Alexandra says above is true, all you need to do is just be cordial, wave, say hello, and just mind you're own business, it truly matters little what she is doing or thinks I don't have any desire at all to go through that cycle again or deal with getting that close with her and all the stress it brought on again. It was horrible. I just wanted to know other people perspective because shes still someone I knew for two years and spent a lot of time with, who suddenly up and vanished without a word and then has never acted normal again sense. Which bugs me. Probably do to my own ego and self esteem blow, but nothing to do with wanting to repeat the past with her. |
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Post by stu on Feb 21, 2020 10:10:52 GMT
Good to hear from you Stu! Its totally doable, but in my own experiences they don't lose their attraction to you and you're playing with fire if you haven't lost your own attraction. I'd also be considering your new romantic interest and how she would feel about you pursuing a relationship with your ex; I know that with any guy I've dated if i was pursuing contact with an ex, that would cause a lot of conflict and hurt feelings. I'd be mindful of boundaries and how you might feel if a current girlfriend was pursuing her ex (for whatever reason). Being consistently positive and friendly when you see her in public would normally get you back on friendly terms eventually. Given she is not in therapy or asking for any mental health support, I don't think you'd need to see her as needing your help right now. Better to focus on your current love life IMO. Thank you Serenity! I should mention again I am not trying to pursue any kind of relationship with her. I just reached out trying to remain cordial friends. I do think keeping a close relationship with her as a friend or otherwise would be potentially hurtful though. Which I did not intend to do. I am seeing someone new, but as of now we are just talking and seeing each other in very early stages. So I'm not in any kind of commitment right now. That all being said. You are 100 percent right on all you said. I just dont want to come across as some sketchy guy because I'm not lol. I don't really want to help her or be altruistic, as I dont have the energy to deal with all of that with her. I just thought it would be easier to be able to establish some kind of friendly cordial social surface level connection, to make it easier seeing each other in public, or in the same friends group. |
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Post by serenity on Feb 21, 2020 21:52:42 GMT
Good to hear from you Stu! Its totally doable, but in my own experiences they don't lose their attraction to you and you're playing with fire if you haven't lost your own attraction. I'd also be considering your new romantic interest and how she would feel about you pursuing a relationship with your ex; I know that with any guy I've dated if i was pursuing contact with an ex, that would cause a lot of conflict and hurt feelings. I'd be mindful of boundaries and how you might feel if a current girlfriend was pursuing her ex (for whatever reason). Being consistently positive and friendly when you see her in public would normally get you back on friendly terms eventually. Given she is not in therapy or asking for any mental health support, I don't think you'd need to see her as needing your help right now. Better to focus on your current love life IMO. Thank you Serenity! I should mention again I am not trying to pursue any kind of relationship with her. I just reached out trying to remain cordial friends. I do think keeping a close relationship with her as a friend or otherwise would be potentially hurtful though. Which I did not intend to do. I am seeing someone new, but as of now we are just talking and seeing each other in very early stages. So I'm not in any kind of commitment right now. That all being said. You are 100 percent right on all you said. I just dont want to come across as some sketchy guy because I'm not lol. I don't really want to help her or be altruistic, as I dont have the energy to deal with all of that with her. I just thought it would be easier to be able to establish some kind of friendly cordial social surface level connection, to make it easier seeing each other in public, or in the same friends group. I totally get you. I'm sorry you're still being brushed off and ignored both in public and in your private communication. Its pretty lame when, like you say, you were close for two years. But I guess her disrespect and poor communication are what led to relationship breakdown, so it would be a leap to expect her to have changed. One advantage that friendship has over romantic involvement, is you might have enough detachment now to tighten up your boundaries?. She's still disrespecting you and withdrawing, and you don't have to put up with it or continue to pursue communication. What might happen, is over the next months or years, if you continue to be positive and friendly if you bump into her, you might find she stops the hot-cold behaviour and you have enough common interests to try for friendship. I only befriended the first FA I dated after we broke up because he made all the effort to win my trust as a friend, and he apologized in a very genuine way to me. If our `friendship' had have been just a downgraded version of a romantic relationship with a ton of flakiness, I wouldn't have bothered. Him being in therapy and able to discuss his mental health stuff in an accountable way makes a big difference I think. |
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Post by stu on Feb 21, 2020 22:22:14 GMT
Thank you Serenity! I should mention again I am not trying to pursue any kind of relationship with her. I just reached out trying to remain cordial friends. I do think keeping a close relationship with her as a friend or otherwise would be potentially hurtful though. Which I did not intend to do. I am seeing someone new, but as of now we are just talking and seeing each other in very early stages. So I'm not in any kind of commitment right now. That all being said. You are 100 percent right on all you said. I just dont want to come across as some sketchy guy because I'm not lol. I don't really want to help her or be altruistic, as I dont have the energy to deal with all of that with her. I just thought it would be easier to be able to establish some kind of friendly cordial social surface level connection, to make it easier seeing each other in public, or in the same friends group. I totally get you. I'm sorry you're still being brushed off and ignored both in public and in your private communication. Its pretty lame when, like you say, you were close for two years. But I guess her disrespect and poor communication are what led to relationship breakdown, so it would be a leap to expect her to have changed. One advantage that friendship has over romantic involvement, is you might have enough detachment now to tighten up your boundaries?. She's still disrespecting you and withdrawing, and you don't have to put up with it or continue to pursue communication. What might happen, is over the next months or years, if you continue to be positive and friendly if you bump into her, you might find she stops the hot-cold behaviour and you have enough common interests to try for friendship. I only befriended the first FA I dated after we broke up because he made all the effort to win my trust as a friend, and he apologized in a very genuine way to me. If our `friendship' had have been just a downgraded version of a romantic relationship with a ton of flakiness, I wouldn't have bothered. Him being in therapy and able to discuss his mental health stuff in an accountable way makes a big difference I think. Eh it's not a big deal anymore, that shes being like this. I just tried to make it easier and she doesnt want that, so it is what it is. I think I am actually to lying to myself upon speaking to caroline and further thought. That I'm still attracted and wanting some kind of intimacy with her. Even if not a relationship. I should just shut the door completely because I've started talking to someone else and shouldnt put attention to ex fa while doing that anyways. Like caroline told me, I think my mind is still clouded by I'm still doing my best to just accept things and move forward. |
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Post by stu on Feb 29, 2020 12:11:13 GMT
Update. Ex fa is in a full blown relationship with that other guy and seems genuinely happy and far more attached and openly loving and doting then she ever was with me. Not taking it personally and trying to put all that past behind me now.
I just feel its confusing she's able to act so normal in love with someone else. And also in how coldly she disregarded me right before swinging back to him without second thought or what I'm assuming any remaining feelings. Because I highly doubt she has any remaining emotions tied to me. Makes me feel like I had no value to her at all. I'm not saying that's the case, just what it feels like from her actions.
Kind of hurtful to see all of that and know it. But its better then getting dragged along anymore then I already did, and in the long run its better for me because it gives me the chance to eventually find someone who's a way better fit.
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Post by dhali on Feb 29, 2020 20:39:57 GMT
That’s right stu. And I don’t believe for a minute that she won’t discard this new guy. It’s not conscious. It’s just a behavioral pattern. If she’s getting “further along” in a relationship with the new guy, he just has a higher cliff to fall off of. Think about all th additional intermittent reenforcement he has to deal with. Those behaviors don’t just magically disappear. Push, pull, push, pull. On the micro level. An imperceptible level. But you know and she knows, but you wink it away because - love. And then you can’t even see the elephant anymore. All you need is just one more hit of positive attention.. when will it come?
This is toxic. And will always be toxic. It’s a trauma bond. And until she becomes aware and working on it, there is no healthy relationship for her. That’s a fact.
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Post by serenity on Feb 29, 2020 21:25:19 GMT
Exactly. I guess being FA and still enmeshed with her abusive Dad, its also possible she's found someone more comfortably unavailable..might be because of his nature, circumstances, attachment style?. That could make her slightly more anxious and `activated', but it will still be a toxic relationship.
It takes a lot of work and sometimes hitting rock bottom before kids from abusive homes will accept and value a secure partner as adults. Goes for us as well.
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Post by amber on Feb 29, 2020 21:28:23 GMT
Update. Ex fa is in a full blown relationship with that other guy and seems genuinely happy and far more attached and openly loving and doting then she ever was with me. Not taking it personally and trying to put all that past behind me now. I just feel its confusing she's able to act so normal in love with someone else. And also in how coldly she disregarded me right before swinging back to him without second thought or what I'm assuming any remaining feelings. Because I highly doubt she has any remaining emotions tied to me. Makes me feel like I had no value to her at all. I'm not saying that's the case, just what it feels like from her actions. Kind of hurtful to see all of that and know it. But its better then getting dragged along anymore then I already did, and in the long run its better for me because it gives me the chance to eventually find someone who's a way better fit. How do you know all these things about the r/ship? Have friends told you this? Have you been around them?i think it’s worth keeping in mind that things can be very different behind closed doors, we really can’t ever know what’s going on with people. I have friends who are a couple and on social media and in public they look/appear like a great, loving, healthy couple. Behind closed doors, there’s no sex, little emotional connection, lots of stonewalling and conflict, low grade grade alcoholism, nit picking etc. friends of mine who didn’t know them as well were shocked when I told them things are not as they appear. |
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