Just found out that B is engaged.... | Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum

Just found out that B is engaged.... May 5, 2020 11:15:26 GMT toorational likes this

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Post by tnr9 on May 5, 2020 11:15:26 GMT

May 4, 2020 20:25:55 GMT serenity said:

Hugs trn9,

I feel personally that the part of me that needed the most work was my self protective side... That "loving inner adult" whose job is to steer me out of harms way, and make good judgement calls in my own interest. Protection and loyalty from care givers were pretty much absent from my childhood, and its been a lifelong process learning how to provide those things to myself. These days, I'm very attracted to loyal, protective friends. Its unusual for me to experience those things, but I'm putting the lion share of my energy into those connections and its feeling very good.

To me it doesn't matter so much if we have the capacity for loving wounded guys, seeing the best in them and wanting to help. The world needs deeply loving, beautiful people. But we need to guard ourselves from harm and prize trustworthiness as a character trait in the ones we let close.

B had a ton great qualities from the sounds of it. But he was not someone you could trust with your heart.

That is true serenity. I am going to see how my therapist wants to move forward. I have not had the urge to check Bs page and although I still have my moments where I get sad and where the story line of him being super happy now runs through my head....but I recognize it for what it is and allow myself to simply grieve a bit more. I will admit that your last sentence triggered me....even though those were almost my exact words....because (the little girl in me) still struggles with seeing him as having a ton of great qualities AND still having issues (had to call that out for what it was...not the adult).

The other day I went to my mom’s for dinner and my stepdad said some things that hurt her...and I could see her welling up with tears while it appeared that my stepfather continued a conversation with my brother. I made a comment, because I am very attuned to my mom....and my brother and I went into another room so that they could work things out. My stepfather was not happy with me as he saw it as me interfering in something that was between the two of them. I stated it was not my goal to interfere...but, when I see my mom upset,I am going to comment on it. Needless to say, I got a glimpse of her little girl in that moment and it reminded me that we all have younger versions of ourselves. I was also super proud of myself for handling their situation maturely and not trying to “rescue” my mom as I have been known to try to do in the past.