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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 7:27:40 GMT
What is your erotic blueprint and what is your partners erotic blueprint Are you - sexual - sensual - kincky - or ..... LEARN YOUR EROTIC BLUEPRINT™ TYPE TO GET DEEPER CONNECTION AND GREATER SEXUAL SATISFACTION. Learning an erotic language to express what turns you on and turns you off is a first step. s.surveyanyplace.com/eroticblueprint%20missjaiya.com/ |
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 7:58:23 GMT
There are 3 systems running when making love: When having sex, the tension in ans increases. This can trigger trauma as trauma connects with intensity Attatchment Sexuality Survival Testosterone gives sex drive. Greater sex drive but less connection./attatchment. Look at Robert Sternberg's love triangle about intimacy. Intimacy: We can be intimate in an emotional way with good deep conversations, Physical intimacy Sensuality How to become better at intimacy: Intimacy provides attraction and ignition when there is respect for each other's boundaries Polarity between the feminine and the masculine causes attraction Love making when there is intimacy, respect, care, empathy ect.: Eye Contact Heart contact (can feel like a deep soul contact) An experience of connectedness Empathy Openness and freedom to express, give and receive, ask for what you dream of and to ask what your partner would like Space to play, experiment and laugh Shame is put outside the door The most important thing is not performance and orgasm, but togetherness, contact and enjoyment in the present moment What blocks intimacy and good lovemaking: In the individual: Shame (also about sexuality - a person whose parents have been very liberal or very uptight - underweight / overweight) ect. Poor self-esteem (body, emotions, thoughts) Attatchment pattern and carater structures Ambivalent - avoidant - desorganized jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37325/ jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37326/ jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37323/]Stress and trauma - Too Many Stress Hormones Can Drain Sexual Desire. Others may Want More Sex to Relieve the Nervous System When Stressed out Trauma and shock trauma can cause the nervous system to shut down so that you don't have as much energy available or IT creates more sexdrive Too little sleep or lack of good sleep - especially the feminine energy is hurting (small children ect.) Lack of exercise Malnutrition, deficiency - vitamins and minerals, underweight - can go beyond hormone production, malnutrition (obesity) Medicine Deasises Within the couple: Lack of respect - especially if the feminine loses respect for the masculine Lack of intimacy physically or emotionally Lack of presence Lack of couple time together Lack of polarity Lack of renewal in beroomd or in daily life The power struggle phase - including anger, sadness, boundaries - you stop trying...you think more about yourself and your own needs Needs behind sex: Testorone To feel masculine / feminine Confirmation - the relationship is right - physically my body is delicious - defective self-esteem Admiration - to be a good lover Either one is good at opening one's heart or one is good at being sexual and seductive. Both gives problem in relationships. Can only be healed in a relationship. (The fifth caracter structure) - you can't do without me Discharge ans Experience intimacy / closeness The secure: Free to explore his sexuality Ect. Ambivalent: May be too preoccupied with sex to protect against rejection, hold on to their partner Sometimes uses sex as confirmation They confuse the amount of sex with how much they are loved Sex overactivates the attachment system. They forget themselves both during sex and after sex The avoidant: Random non-committal sex suits them best The intimacy ability is blocked / restricted Maintains emotional distance May have difficulty sensing the body They have difficulty with eye contact as they have experienced angry or stressed eyes Repeats the old story of not meeting their needs During sex, they deactivates the attachment system Disorganized: Shifts between disabling and activating of the attatchment system Some likes kinky sex, bondage / SM ect Boundaries are a problem Power / powerlessness Struggles Love making when there is intimacy, respect, care, empathy ect.: Eye Contact Heart contact (can feel like a deep soul contact) An experience of connectedness Empathy Openness and freedom to express, give and receive, ask for what you dream of and to ask what your partner would like Space to play, experiment and laugh Shame is put outside the door The most important thing is not performance and orgasm, but togetherness, contact and enjoyment in the present moment Talk together as a couple using the good conversation: What points do you find easy to practise? each of you ? and together ? What points do you find difficult? each of you ? and together ? What can and will you do? each of you ? and together to get better at these points Learn the Voo breath technique that instantly reduces stress in the system, tones the vagus nerve, and creates coherency in the system. - Be guided through the Voo breath technique It also helps to release shame jebkinnisonforum.com/post/36607/ |
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 8:28:11 GMT
Sex and dates:
Wait to have sex with the one you date until you can't help it any longer.
Don't have sex on the first dates. Wait from the 2nd date up to 3 months.
Remember A bad sex match can, however, be a dealbreaker if sex is important to you.
Remember the first date is just an appetizer. If you are having sex too fast, the steam can go off the relationship. As long as you don't know the other person, believe yourself.
In 3 months you can investigate if the other person is a partner for you.
Both partners must be enriched by the relationship.
Remember the impact of oxytocin - expecialy if you are a woman. Oxytocin makes women bond, when they are making love and they are touched on the breats and on the nipples.
On the other hand:
Mens testosteron can block the intake of oxytocin. It is better to cuddle, kiss ect and not just jump into bed with a man right away.
verilymag.com/2016/05/oxytocin-sex-differences-women-hormones-bonding-sex-trust
As a Woman make sure That You are exclusive before You are having sex. Make sure That both of You put your datingprofiles on pause ect. Otherwice wait.....
Use a condom until both of You have been tested.
Needs behind sex
Pure lust oxytocin
Feeling masculine / feminine
Confirmation - Correctness of the Love / the Relationship - Physically My Body Is Delicious - Inadequate Self-esteem
Admiration - being a good lover
Power - you can't do without me
Discharge ANS the nervous system
Experience intimacy / closeness
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 8:31:17 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 8:44:08 GMT
Life crises:
The sexual act is the place where men label themselves the most '
When we are in a life crisis, the importance of bodily contact and physical intimacy cannot be underestimated, neither in men nor women. The experience of feeling valued and loved means that we produce stress-relieving hormones and at the same time regulate our nervous system, says sexologist.
While many women lose their desire for sex more quickly and instead prefer conversation, care and closeness as another form of intimate contact when they end up in a crisis, it is often the opposite for men.
“For many men, the sexual act is the place where they feel the most. This is where they really are in touch with their emotions and here they can sense themselves on a deeper level. If men experience a stress load over a long period of time, they will therefore have more desire for sex, '.
But for some men, the opposite happens in a life crisis, so the discouragement can instead cause them to lose their desire completely or become impotent.
Yet the importance of bodily contact and physical intimacy when we are in a crisis cannot be underestimated, and this applies to both men and women. For the body contact and the feeling of being appreciated and loved, we produce stress-relieving hormones and at the same time regulate our nervous system. "
According to a sexologist, sex drive lies in our DNA, with men especially in the male sex hormone testosterone.
"Sex gives him discharge and makes him relax more, not least in a crisis."
The fear of losing one's masculinity.
“The woman wants the man to read her thoughts and feel how she feels and what she needs. He wants physical contact, like sex, but not just sex. And while she has suffered from their sexual intercourse and may have completely lost touch with her body, the man still has the drive, but may at some point feel like a sex monster. "
"In our culture there is an expectation that a real man is one who can more or less always perform sexually, which is a completely distorted picture."
According to the therapist and sexologist, it is still a taboo for men to talk about their feelings. Even though today there is a much greater acceptance that it is allowed to talk with his friends when things are not going well with the sex life.
“There are still many men who are not trained to put words on their emotions, while women easier for women.When a man ends up in a crisis, part of the explanation may be that he feels he has to perform across the board, yet still considers himself inadequate. He must be caring, present and present in the family, cultivate his friends, train his body and make sure he is insightful.
Women who are in a life crisis have often neglected their own needs for a long time to be as good as possible for others and at work. Common to men and women is that they do not feel that they are striking and that they have overheard their body's signals for too long. "
So if You are a woman and your boyfriend is stressed
out and he wants sex, give IT to him. (But not if You cross your own boundaries). By helping him regulate his nerveussystem through sex, he can be more precent with you afterwards (and less strressed)
For some they want too much sex because of stress so that IT becomes too much for their partner. Then IT is No longer lovemaking but sex.
Then IT can Be a good idea to find out what are the stressors in your life and make some changes.
What to do when your partner is depressed - Esther Perel
m.youtube.com/watch?v=SneoysrYjTw
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 11:17:33 GMT
Less is more:
We live in a world where everything has to go very fast. We consume and throw away. If something doesn't work, we change it. Or we add a little extra or something new. But Less is more, sometimes,
The same is true in our sex life. We chase our lust and if we are not turned on we add a lot of sex toys, porn movies, fantasies and more. All in pursuit of being more horny, and preferably as soon as possible.
I believe that what we are really looking for is to feel. To sense, we do not need artificial aids - only to be present in our body.
But because we are constantly hyping our body and are used to overly powerful stimuli, we have forgotten to appreciate what we feel.
Learning to be present in one's body and feel every little vibration gives us a completely different understanding of our sexuality and enjoyment.
So, forget for a moment all about sex toys porn and fantasies. Go inside yourself and start “noticing”.
Drop your expectations on how, or what to feel. Feel what it actually is. That way, everything is just as it should be and then we can only enjoy sex.
A sexologist
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 13:12:53 GMT
bookerystore.com/downloads/three-women/Desire as we’ve never seen it before: a riveting true story about the sex lives of three real American women, based on nearly a decade of reporting. It thrills us and torments us. It controls our thoughts, destroys our lives, and it’s all we live for. Yet we almost never speak of it. And as a buried force in our lives, desire remains largely unexplored — until now. Over the past eight years, journalist Lisa Taddeo has driven across the country six times to embed herself with ordinary women from different regions and backgrounds. The result,Three Women, is the deepest nonfiction portrait of desire ever written and one of the most anticipated books of the year.
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 13:21:55 GMT
Having sex vs. making love:
To recieve is one of the most important characteristics to develop, if you as a woman want a really good love life and sex life.
Receiving with grace is giving the other person a gift. It is true, that giving is the most rewarding one. But think once, how to receive the other with joy and grace, creates love and satisfaction. It makes more sense tp give.
It's one of the greatest gifts the feminine can offer to the masculine! Because receiving the gifts of the man (compliments, solutions, actions, sex, things, etc.) with joy and grace, creates a flow between you and your partner, where energy and joy can dance and grow.
The feminine and the masculine enrich each other.
When you are having sex, there are two people, who uses each other to get an orgasm. When you make love together, the feminine opens up to the masculine, and receives "him" (which may also be her) with all her body and soul - receiving with enthusiasm all that "he" gives.
This transforms into the feminine, and becomes energy and enthusiasm, that inspires and nurtures the masculine.
The result is not just a bodily satisfaction and relaxation, but a joy, enrichment and greater balance both physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in both. Whether you have an orgasm - orgasm in the genitals - or not.
Loving this way requires, that both are able to be present in the present moment and are able to be in the body - and not in their mind or in their imagination/fantasy.
To recieve can also be one of the most difficult things for modern women. We are so used to want, to be able to do everything by ourselves and even better than our brothers, male peers and colleagues.
On the other hand, men are gradually getting used to women's ability, to do everything on their own, so that the men stops giving.
To give is the masculine part of the love dance
If the masculine is not repeatedly received with joy, when they give - then they will stop at some point.
This can go back to childhood and youth. Puberty can, for example, be one of the most challenging times for a man to go through. At this stage, he can easily risk feeling rejected and even being laught at. "
Have fun focusing on your ability to recieve with grace (as a woman) or to give your gifts (as a man).
The impact of oxytocin:
The effects of oxytocin are exacerbated by estrogen and minimized by testosterone. The bonding effect seems to last 2-3 weeks in women and 2-3 days in men. This could partly explain why younger women get more attached due to sex than younger men; and why post-menopausal women experience more freedom around sex while older men want regular sex to feel connected to their partners. It also explains why we see each other in a different light after orgasm (it’s orgasm that counts, with or without intercourse).
Both men and women may want to consider the effects of oxytocin. Are you ready for that attachment, either by you or to you? Are you ready to abandon judgment?
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 13:24:58 GMT
Why the amygdala needs to be turned off in order for a woman to get turned on:
In their daily life, many women get locked in the “masculine” energy, which can be counter-productive when it comes to getting intimate in the bedroom. We all know that getting turned on is not as simple as pushing a button. The fear and anxiety producing part of the brain – the amygdala – needs to be turned off in order for a woman to get turned on, as Dr. Louan Brizendine, author of The Female Brain, explains. “It requires turning off the worrywart circuits in the female brain to have an orgasm,” Dr. Brizendine explains.
When it comes to the differences between men and women, one place we see them for sure is in the bedroom. Neuropsychologist Dr. Louann Brizendine—author of The Female Brain—says it's all about timing.
While men can take about three to five minutes, on average, to achieve an orgasm, it can take women up to 13 minutes. "Foreplay for men is everything that happens about three minutes before sex," Dr. Brizendine says. "Whereas for females, it's everything that happens the 24 hours before sex. Because if she gets upset or angry about something, then she's not in the mood by the time sex is going to happen."
Just thinking about or visualizing sex sends blood rushing to a penis. But it takes much more to put women in the mood. "Temperature and comfort are also very important to achieving orgasm," Dr. Brizendine says. "Researchers in the lab found that if they didn't keep the woman's feet warm, they had difficulty reaching climax. So cozy socks may not be sexy, but they get the job done."
More about the 5 senses:
When it comes to the five senses, men and women have different strengths and weaknesses.
Smell:
If you think your man is immune to the smell of his socks…you might be right.
"Women have a better sense of smell, especially during ovulation when estrogen levels soar,".
The way something smells also affects the sexes differently. Research has found that the smells of pumpkin pie and lavender make men feel more sexual, while ladies get excited by the scents of cucumber and licorice. "Smell is important because it signifies to us at a very deep level that we're in a home—in a safe environment,".
Taste:
Women also have more taste buds than men, which makes them more sensitive to sweet, sour, salty and bitter flavors.
Touches and pain:
Higher levels of testosterone give men the edge in painful situations but the female body compensates during childbirth. "An extra boost of estrogen during pregnancy allows them to endure childbirth…and even want to do it again,".
Vision:
Naturally, women have better peripheral vision because they gathered food for their families. Men are born with stronger straight-on vision for hunting purposes.
Hearing:
Just as bats can hear sounds that even cats and dogs cannot, girls can hear a broader range of emotional tones in the human voice than boys.
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 14:58:17 GMT
If you have a hard time feeling the desire for life and your femininity, you are not alone. Many women do not give their sexuality the time it needs and have exceeded their yonis limits too many times. Did you know that the clitoris has 8000 nerveendings and the males penishead has 5000 nerveendings ? ( life-size model shows what the clitoris really looks like m.youtube.com/watch?v=Zo7sy3g-_Qw ) That women often gets penetrated to fast before their Yoni is ready and they therefore overrule their own boundaries / gets their body's boundaries crossed which can lead to less desire for sex ? That the Youni is the most intimate part of the woman's body and by saying yes (to sex) when her body means no can damage a womens selfworth and can make her feel bad ?. That massage can help a woman to warm up from the inside out ? That masculine sexuality where it's about giving the woman as many orgasms as possible, can damage the feminine (sex) drive ? |
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Post by anne12 on Jul 2, 2020 16:15:21 GMT
Sex positions: There is no special sex position, that works for everyone. (Do not trust this in woman's magazines) Your favorite position. does not work with every partner. Women are different and men are different. Height and bodyshapes are different, men and women are different. We should not forget our curiosity about the person we are with. Women's clitoris are different. Men's height and penis length and shape of the penis are different. If you have sex across a table, the height of the man is crucial. The length of his legs has to fit the hight of the table. The energy you put into the position is also important: Is the energy powerfuld ect ? or is the energy slow, sensual, caring ect ? If the woman does not know where her g spot is, she cannot explain the man where it is and what works best for her. What do you want to get out of the position?: A lot Of contact - find a position where there is eye contact A lot of body contact - then it's good to have the man's body weight on top of the woman by lying on top of her Orgasm That you or your partner can touch the woman's clitoris while having sex How deep do you want the man to go into the woman - be aware, however, if the woman has a sore cervix Who is the active and who is the passive (receptive) Each time we change the position there will also be something that changes in the way things are touched inside the woman. The woman often has to adjust and then the man should not follow her. He needs to give her time to adjust, so that her tender points are taken into account (Like doing yoga where you adjust your body into each position) It is important to move into a new position with caution before accelerating. Check acupuncture points in the woman's vagina and on the man's penis Check out Tao sexology www.amazon.com/Tao-Sexology-Book-Infinite-Wisdom/dp/0942196031Check out ying penetrations and yang penetrations Check out sex positions app for more inspiration for different sex positions |
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Post by anne12 on Jul 4, 2020 6:13:29 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Jul 4, 2020 6:53:30 GMT
The preocuppied ambivalent and sex - do you use sex as comfort ?:
Confusing Sex and Love::
Often, individuals with Ambivalent/Anxious Attachment adaptation crave true intimacy but use sex as a means to feel loved. During adolescence, this may present as a promiscuous teen searching for Secure Attachment lacking in their childhood and caregiver relationships.
The desperate need to feel constantly reassured and validated, even through false means, can temporarily provide reassurance, but may quickly fade once they are separated from their sexual partner, generating even more anxiety than before."
(Diane Poole Heller)
A sextherapist/therapist says:
If you use sex to feel desired and appreciated, you use sex as comfort.
The dominant feelings are not lust and love, but anxiety, nervousness and the fear of being abandoned. So your primary wish is not pleasure, but security and confirmation. Sex is only a way to get this.
When you use sex as comfort, it has negative consequences, which in time can destroy both your sex and love life.
The classic example: The woman who exchanges sex for love.
In my work as a sexologist and a therapist, I often meet couples where the woman feels the pressure to have sex for the sake of the husband. She lacks love and attention, but the only way she can awaken the man's interest is to agree to sex.
On the other hand, the man is hard at showing soreness and emotion. For him, sex is the place he's easiest to open.
Both the woman and the man therefore use sex to achieve something else.
The basic problem: Insecure attachment
It all starts with lack of confidence in the relationship. If you are basically angry with your attatchment pattern, you doubt your partner and your relationship. You are unsure whether you can rely on your partner's love, interest and attention. The more unsafe your pattern is, the more you doubt.
If your connection pattern is nervous, you are worried about small signs of problems in the relationship. Your automated response is to reach out for your partner to make contact and confirm. Here, sex can be a way of getting attention and love.
If you only experience peace of mind in connection with sex, sex becomes obsessive. For example, if you've been scolding with your partner, you can push yourself to sex to create emotional contact and clean the air ("reconciliation"). Sex is no longer a source of joy, pleasure and love, but a way to conceal anxiety and nervousness.
Forced sex destroys the desire for physical intimacy, because sex and concern do not harmonize with each other. And when sex life suffers, it goes beyond the relationship.
Captive sex does not create emotional intimacy. Although there are lots of strong emotions involved in the sexual act, there is no real closeness and thus the relationship also loses one of its most important sources of cohesion, which of course has negative consequences.
Do you use sex as comfort?
Perhaps you use sex as comfort without knowing it. Sex life can easily be experienced intensely and well, though it is not really driven by desire and love. Perhaps you do not know other ways of having sex and do not think it's a problem? Or maybe you've just forgotten how it feels like having sex because you really really want to?
If in doubt, consider what you long for: Sex, loving touches or something completely third?
How to get a sex life based on enjoyment;
The best recipe for a sex life cleaned for comfort is to create peace of mind in your relationship. Confidence means that you dare to ask for what you really want, ie. You dare to say no to sex, and instead ask for a hug and get around.
Adding a safe behavior pattern is a big thing that requires hard work, but the reward is similarly high.
You become comfortable, when you find, that your partner wants you and that you are emotionally connected. When you feel connected, you are safe and you dare to be vulnerable and ask to get your needs met. The most important ways to create emotional connection are to be emotionally accessible to each other and to prioritize deep conversations.
While working on learning a safe behavior pattern, try to change your sexual habits.
For example, you can start by giving priority to loving physical touch every day, ie. hold hands, hug, lie close on the sofa, etc. In this way you will find that you can get the most without first offering sex. It may even be a good idea to completely avoid sex for a period of time, so you do not fall back in a negative pattern.
You can read more about sex as comfort in Sue Johnson's book Hold Me Tight.
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Post by anne12 on Jul 4, 2020 6:58:15 GMT
The avoidant and sex - do you have numb sex?:
When sex Replaces Connection:
For Avoidantly Attached individuals, sex may have a heavy emphasis on the physical sensations rather than emotional connection. Since Avoidantly Attached individuals have difficulty expressing their needs, sex may become a way to artificially connect without fear of rejection.
Avoidant partners often withdraw if they feel too vulnerable and leave their partner feeling disconnected and dissatisfied. They may also forgo sex entirely, preferring the safety of pornography and masturbation.
(Diane Poole Heller)
A sextherapist/therapist says:
The problem arises when numb sex is the rule more than the exception.
People who find it difficult to combine sex and feelings are afraid to be vulnerable. They can not open emotionally because they find it difficult to trust others.
It seems that it´s typically men who have impersonal sex. In the sexual encounter, men generally focus more on movement and release, whereas women are often more absorbed by emotions. But there are of course also women who have sex without feelings.
Mechanical sex in the relationship is a bad sign.
Generally, mechanical sex is bad to a relationship, because it is the feelings that create cohesion. Therefore, I always ask for the emotional connection when I give couples sexological counseling.
Sex with presence and love is one of the best binders in the relationship, and if sex life is cold and mechanical, a wedge is shot between the parties, which in the long run, will ruin the relationship.
Most long-term relationships experience periods of too much everyday life and too little proximity, love and attraction. It also appears in sex life, where sex becomes a habit or something that has to be overcome quickly. But it may be the beginning of a negative spiral because mechanical sex creates even more distance.
When emotions, presence and play disappear, only mechanics are left.
4 Tips for sex with emotions:
If you find that the loving feelings have left the bedroom, there is cause for concern. Sex with feelings and love is one of the most important elements in a happy and stable relationship.
Here are some tips to get your feelings back in sex life:
Massage, foreplay and hug:
Hugging, massage and foreplay are great ways to practice combining emotions and body contact. Therefore, it is a good idea to give priority to loving touches and hug outside the bedroom.
Instead of thinking about touch as something that will lead to sex, think of touch as a way of giving love.
Eye contact:
The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Eye contact is one of the most important elements in deep emotional contact. If you think it's uncomfortable to see your partner in the eyes when you have sex, start cautiously with small periods of eye contact.
Recognize your desire:
Practice feeling your desire. What do you really want? Do you really want mechanically numb sex? Are you happy, or do you feel lonely and empty?
Do not do things, that you do not want. Do not be fooled with mediocre sex if it makes you unhappy. End your habit and duty!
Create emotional intimacy outside the bedroom:
Sex without feelings is rarely a problem that only appears in the bed. If your sex life has become cold and impersonal, start boosting the emotional contact outside the bed, for example by prioritizing deep conversations and loving touches.
When there is openness, closeness and confidence outside the bedroom, it affects the sex life. Partners who experience peace and cohesion can openly talk about feelings and desires without fear of rejection. And in bed they dare to throw the stitches and sink into joy by having good sex with loving feelings.
Remember:
Once committed some avidant partners can experience a lessening of their libido/sex drive. A once pretty sexually active partner can seem to lose interest sexually. Be careful not to take this personally. They would be this way with anyone and it has to do with them coming from families where there was not a lot of physical closeness. Now that you have become "deep family" to them they start to unconsciously revert back to the patterns of their childhood attachments, which probably did not include a lot of close physical contact. Of course you can continue to ask for physical contact but be patient with them and try to find ways of approaching that don't provoke a defensive response in your avoidant partner. Also be careful not to trigger a shame response when discussing this with your partner as they tend to feel ashamed and embarrassed about letting their partner down in this way. (Stan Tatkin)
Also check out Sue Johnson "Hold me tight".
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Post by anne12 on Jul 4, 2020 7:10:51 GMT
The disorganised (FA) and sex:
They can often have exstreme sex:
being promisquious, bsdm, S/M, over/underdog dynamics, or they can be scared of sex. Some can be very sexual/sensual.
People often say, that it is the best sex they ever had, having sex with a person with some desorganised attatchmentstyle.
They can be promiscuous.
They can be scared of sex
You can use it as confirmation and be uncritical about who you are having sex with. You can have sex with many people
Through sex they can experience closeness.
Power / powerlessness. Bondage, s / m sex ect.
Pain can be a way to relive past traumas. One may have a tendency to maintain the high nervous system arousel when having extreme sex. If the tension goes down, they may believe, that they are dying on the instinctive level. Sex with a secure person can feel boring.
Shame vs. shamelessness
Sex can be grounded with shame. Some are ashamed of their body. Also if you had been sexually abused.
Or some may be shameless.
You are shameless to yourself if you are being promiscues.
Because of their unregulated nerveussystem, sex often has to be more exstreme before they can feel anything.
Sex can also be a way to discharge ans.
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