Post by seeking on Jul 21, 2020 13:30:08 GMT
Obviously, I'm probably not the one to answer this!
But I know -- unless you have one foot out the door like ALL of my past exes have - and there was TONS of passion, I am inclined to feel instantly smothered, trapped, and miserable (like depressed that my life is over kind of feeling). It's dread. I feel "locked in" - it's really awful.
2 long-term relationships were with men who were very abusive.
1 was with a covert narcissist, who was always "deciding" whether he liked me, and left me for another woman (unfortunately, he and I have a kid together).
And a long-term relationship with a guy who was emotionally unavailable (couldn't even tell me he loved me) and cheated! We were together SEVEN YEARS.
I've been through A LOT of pain.
And I'm in therapy making peace with men, and healing the relationship with my father (and making progress).
I recently told my therapist, I want someone who feels cozy to me. Where every min of the relationship isn't about sex and desire and passion. Where it's like friends but with sex and intimacy. But ultimately I have a young girl and want a feeling of family. I've always wanted a family.
But if someone comes close to that, it's like my eyeballs swirl into this messed up world of like OMG his hair, his weight, what if this? And I imagine all the ways I'll feel "stuck" with this person and his habits and haircut/weight, way of dressing/voice, etc.
Often, that's the part people see of me (the last paragraph) and think I'm a narcissist or really cruel or "super picky" but it's not about that. It's about terror.
That's as far as I've got.