"healing" FA attachment issues May 17, 2021 6:05:45 GMT
Post by krolle on May 17, 2021 6:05:45 GMT
Thank you so much for the input and kind words guys. It means a lot. Even though you don't know me or my specific situation I must admit it's a very nice feeling to talk to people who can at least partially validate your experience and link it to their own. Plus you seem to have an incredibly impressive knowledge around the subjects.
Simon, it would appear our experiences are somewhat similar regarding that relationship you had. Although I didn't say it overtly, I think you seem to have intuitively guessed that my support network is limited here mainly due to moving to a new place. I moved away from home to be with her. And once I was isolated things started to go down hill. But I do think the stress of that, and her increased control of me also brought out the avoidant part of my FA, and that's one of the things I keep going on about blaming myself for. That it was MY deactivating behaviour at fault which triggered her aggressive outbursts, without me even being consciously aware....or maybe I was just gaslit too lol.....I don't even know anymore. Did you find much hostility from her during or after your break up?
With regards to dysfunctional “patterns” across relationships. Then I would say just a fairly obvious, frustrating (for both parties) FA push, pull dynamic many of you are familiar with. This was the first relationship I had been in where I had considered I may have been in serious danger or anything. So nothing ever that hostile.
Regarding your comment on therapy Alexandra . I would love to start. And don't deny it would be a massive help. But unfortunately I can't afford it right now. So I'm trying to do what I can for my mental health with books, scientific journals, podcasts, talking to friends, discussing things with you guys etc, until it's an option. Also looking into meds as discussed with tnr9.
I know that can't substitute working with a genuine mental health practitioner but it's what I have to work with at the moment. And I'm truly very grateful to be able to "soundboard" as you said with other people interested in their personal development. I'm quiet isolated here a ways from home and have been struggling to meet my emotional needs for a while, so it's just nice hearing about your experiences and talking about my own.