How would you recognize FA during the dating phase?(input) Jun 1, 2021 4:37:40 GMT annieb likes this
Post by salientsensation on Jun 1, 2021 4:37:40 GMT
As evident from my last post, my last relationship was with an FA. I would like to thank everyone who has contributed to that thread here once more.
Thankfully, I am at a place where I have fully accepted the break as a learning experience for both myself and ex-partner, and I am making good progress with the grief/healing process.
As I move forward I want to be more informed and so, as the title says, I am hoping to hear your input to be more perceptive. While I could instead research this heavily instead, I think adding to your community for visitors and newer members to read and interact with the content is a better option.
Unfortunately I notice that fearful avoidants are fairly common in men I encountered online or through blind dates set up by friends in the past, and so I found it most pertinent to post on this section of the forum.
I am perceptive enough to recognize some signs of insecurity in terms of attachment overall, but your thoughts to help me be more effective with my dating choices in the future when I am willing to date again are much needed and most welcome.
If it is useful (for both lurkers and discussion), here is what I notice with early signs of how I might pinpoint a plausible FA attachment:
-Very much more eager to meet and text than I am (almost going too fast, this includes attempts to initiate sexual contact)
-Very very flirty, and playful, especially when more heavy topics are at hand
-An underlying sense that they are feeling anxious to appear "perfect" during dates, and/or trouble performing sexually
-Quick to agree with me or change their opinions to suit mine
-Chatty, but usually about more general topics or sometimes on the other end of the spectrum, too open about insecurities/past trauma very (too) early on in the dating phase
Connected to the above point, they also most of the time divert attention to me through a lot of piercing questions and preferring to listen vs. talk
Of course this all slows down over a very short period of time, and then I notice more of a shame when any vulnerability is shown to me etc. (including in sexual contexts) as well as more negativity in self expression compared to the more polished and overly positive attitude earlier on.