Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2021 13:27:39 GMT
Honestly I do feel myself dismissing this as drama- but that's when I shift my focus to my adult self. I wonder why all this is going on, if it's necessary. But clearly there is something inside in the form of little me that I keep pushing down. I'm just kind of confused and would like to come back to this after a normal day, which I'm about to have. I would appreciate any and all encouragement or advice though.
|
|
|
|
Post by anne12 on Sept 17, 2021 14:25:22 GMT
You can bring her with you to work
Maybe she can sit and draw while you are working in your office
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2021 15:06:40 GMT
You can bring her with you to work Maybe she can sit and draw while you are working in your office Ok I am going to try to bring her around with me today. Your words make me cry foe some reason right now. Maybe I'm hormonal. Or maybe it's just time to take care of another layer. Thank you for the support. I'm right on the edge of tears when I look at my phone, but I keep coming back lol. I often feel her when she's happy but I don't know that I've spent too much time around her when she's this scared and small actually. |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Sept 17, 2021 15:26:56 GMT
You can bring her with you to work Maybe she can sit and draw while you are working in your office Ok I am going to try to bring her around with me today. Your words make me cry foe some reason right now. Maybe I'm hormonal. Or maybe it's just time to take care of another layer. Thank you for the support. I'm right on the edge of tears when I look at my phone, but I keep coming back lol. I often feel her when she's happy but I don't know that I've spent too much time around her when she's this scared and small actually. I am a visual person so I often take moments where I visualize my little girl in a field with anything she wants to play with. It was not ok to be loud, not ok to be happy growing up so I want to give her room to experience these things. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2021 15:47:15 GMT
Ok I am going to try to bring her around with me today. Your words make me cry foe some reason right now. Maybe I'm hormonal. Or maybe it's just time to take care of another layer. Thank you for the support. I'm right on the edge of tears when I look at my phone, but I keep coming back lol. I often feel her when she's happy but I don't know that I've spent too much time around her when she's this scared and small actually. I am a visual person so I often take moments where I visualize my little girl in a field with anything she wants to play with. It was not ok to be loud, not ok to be happy growing up so I want to give her room to experience these things. Thank you so much for chiming in because I want to process all this. My inner girl is naturally very present during a lot of my life- I was always outside, playing in the bushes and the dirt, climbing trees and trying commune with animals and nature. So I feel that little part of me is very natural and like she is me and I am her, "we" have a lot of joy together. (Sounds silly to talk this way but it's true). However; it's clear to me in this situation she's really hurting and feels that everything is ruined and that it's too late to fix it, she just can't speak. That's all I can say to describe it I don't really have words to comfort this feeling but there's a part of me that is feeling hopeless.. I don't know what to do with it, I don't have a pep talk for her right now. It's good to just chat about it I'm sure , so thanks for the input. |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Sept 17, 2021 16:00:15 GMT
I am a visual person so I often take moments where I visualize my little girl in a field with anything she wants to play with. It was not ok to be loud, not ok to be happy growing up so I want to give her room to experience these things. Thank you so much for chiming in because I want to process all this. My inner girl is naturally very present during a lot of my life- I was always outside, playing in the bushes and the dirt, climbing trees and trying commune with animals and nature. So I feel that little part of me is very natural and like she is me and I am her, "we" have a lot of joy together. (Sounds silly to talk this way but it's true). However; it's clear to me in this situation she's really hurting and feels that everything is ruined and that it's too late to fix it, she just can't speak. That's all I can say to describe it I don't really have words to comfort this feeling but there's a part of me that is feeling hopeless.. I don't know what to do with it, I don't have a pep talk for her right now. It's good to just chat about it I'm sure , so thanks for the input. Ohhhhh…..can you put an age to her? I have various ages that come through…..my youngest is “no words” who is a baby and can’t settle. When I feel her presence…I picture her being soothed by Jesus in a rocking chair (but this is tied to mending trust issues I had with my faith). |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2021 16:16:04 GMT
Thank you so much for chiming in because I want to process all this. My inner girl is naturally very present during a lot of my life- I was always outside, playing in the bushes and the dirt, climbing trees and trying commune with animals and nature. So I feel that little part of me is very natural and like she is me and I am her, "we" have a lot of joy together. (Sounds silly to talk this way but it's true). However; it's clear to me in this situation she's really hurting and feels that everything is ruined and that it's too late to fix it, she just can't speak. That's all I can say to describe it I don't really have words to comfort this feeling but there's a part of me that is feeling hopeless.. I don't know what to do with it, I don't have a pep talk for her right now. It's good to just chat about it I'm sure , so thanks for the input. Ohhhhh…..can you put an age to her? I have various ages that come through…..my youngest is “no words” who is a baby and can’t settle. When I feel her presence…I picture her being soothed by Jesus in a rocking chair (but this is tied to mending trust issues I had with my faith). She's REALLY small, not a baby but maybe 3. Maybe before she started playing outside alone? She's also 6, 9,12... and when she's 15 she's Angry. But this little one who can't cry and can't ask for help is the saddest one. |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Sept 17, 2021 16:34:58 GMT
Ohhhhh…..can you put an age to her? I have various ages that come through…..my youngest is “no words” who is a baby and can’t settle. When I feel her presence…I picture her being soothed by Jesus in a rocking chair (but this is tied to mending trust issues I had with my faith). She's REALLY small, not a baby but maybe 3. Maybe before she started playing outside alone? She's also 6, 9,12... and when she's 15 she's Angry. But this little one who can't cry and can't ask for help is the saddest one. I did something called heart sync and although it is Christian based,I think the idea is pretty solid. It says that at certain points, our trauma is so intense that we get stuck at that age. There are 3 parts…function, emotion and guardian…and you can have several emotion, function and guardian stuck parts. Guardian is the overseer. I found that I had around 12 emotion, 1 function and 2 guardian parts at various ages. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2021 16:51:39 GMT
She's REALLY small, not a baby but maybe 3. Maybe before she started playing outside alone? She's also 6, 9,12... and when she's 15 she's Angry. But this little one who can't cry and can't ask for help is the saddest one. I did something called heart sync and although it is Christian based,I think the idea is pretty solid. It says that at certain points, our trauma is so intense that we get stuck at that age. There are 3 parts…function, emotion and guardian…and you can have several emotion, function and guardian stuck parts. Guardian is the overseer. I found that I had around 12 emotion, 1 function and 2 guardian parts at various ages. That's very interesting. So, based on that would a little 3 year old me be an emotional part? |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Sept 17, 2021 17:06:24 GMT
I did something called heart sync and although it is Christian based,I think the idea is pretty solid. It says that at certain points, our trauma is so intense that we get stuck at that age. There are 3 parts…function, emotion and guardian…and you can have several emotion, function and guardian stuck parts. Guardian is the overseer. I found that I had around 12 emotion, 1 function and 2 guardian parts at various ages. That's very interesting. So, based on that would a little 3 year old me be an emotional part? When a heart is broken or divided, one part holds unresolved pain and trauma. Another part distances itself from the pain in order to function. A third part creates a barrier to separate the two to prevent our being overwhelmed and allow us to survive. As we bury our painful emotions, we have less capacity to feel joy and love. Furthermore, we adopt unhealthy styles of coping such as addictions, denial, control, perfectionism, and performance, to name a few. The “functional” side of us starts to hate that unhealthy or “weak” emotional side of us which leads to self-rejection, depression, restlessness, criticalness of self, and thoughts about death or suicide. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2021 17:10:07 GMT
That's very interesting. So, based on that would a little 3 year old me be an emotional part? When a heart is broken or divided, one part holds unresolved pain and trauma. Another part distances itself from the pain in order to function. A third part creates a barrier to separate the two to prevent our being overwhelmed and allow us to survive. As we bury our painful emotions, we have less capacity to feel joy and love. Furthermore, we adopt unhealthy styles of coping such as addictions, denial, control, perfectionism, and performance, to name a few. The “functional” side of us starts to hate that unhealthy or “weak” emotional side of us which leads to self-rejection, depression, restlessness, criticalness of self, and thoughts about death or suicide. Wow! So I really need to take care of that little one! Thanks for this, that helps. One one level I get all this and I have done this kind of thing before but this is particularly challenging. It's the broken heart piece. I've addressed that in older parts of myself but I don't think ever in the tenderest parts of myself. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2021 19:40:24 GMT
I talked to a colleague at work about some of this. We've known each other for years and she went through a process she used to talk about using Internal Family Systems. I am not too familiar with that process, but she said it sounds like there is a part of me called The Firefighter who comes in to take care of problems, using old coping techniques (deactivating, the self talk that says I don't need love, I am best alone, look at all these other things I have and can do, etc...). She said I can talk to The Firefighter, have a conversation where I intervene and describe what that little girl actually needs.
So I thought I could say to that part of myself, "Actually what Introvert really needs is the comfort and support she is missing right now, she's tried a long time to deny that but I'm sure that's something that would help her. So, please recognize that while you're trying to help, that's not the beat way to get her to safety...." and kind of approach it that way. I am not sure about how the rest of that works but she has a workbook she didn't use as she was just going through it all with her therapist. She's going to bring it for me.
I am not currently seeing a therapist and don't have the coverage I need to do so right now- so I think I will take a look at that workbook, see if I can work through this more. And of course any further suggestions or insight would be helpful.
At the moment that little kid ran off and she's probably sleeping behind a couch in a fort or something, while I figure some of this out logistically. Ha. Thanks for your help!
|
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Sept 17, 2021 19:49:03 GMT
I talked to a colleague at work about some of this. We've known each other for years and she went through a process she used to talk about using Internal Family Systems. I am not too familiar with that process, but she said it sounds like there is a part of me called The Firefighter who comes in to take care of problems, using old coping techniques (deactivating, the self talk that says I don't need love, I am best alone, look at all these other things I have and can do, etc...). She said I can talk to The Firefighter, have a conversation where I intervene and describe what that little girl actually needs. So I thought I could say to that part of myself, "Actually what Introvert really needs is the comfort and support she is missing right now, she's tried a long time to deny that but I'm sure that's something that would help her. So, please recognize that while you're trying to help, that's not the beat way to get her to safety...." and kind of approach it that way. I am not sure about how the rest of that works but she has a workbook she didn't use as she was just going through it all with her therapist. She's going to bring it for me. I am not currently seeing a therapist and don't have the coverage I need to do so right now- so I think I will take a look at that workbook, see if I can work through this more. And of course any further suggestions or insight would be helpful. At the moment that little kid ran off and she's probably sleeping behind a couch in a fort or something, while I figure some of this out logistically. Ha. Thanks for your help! Yeh…similar idea of the guardian…and honestly…it is whatever works for you. 🙂. I highly recommend somatic experiencing for therapy. It has brought so much awareness to my body and has helped with navigating my relationship with my mom. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2021 20:39:41 GMT
I talked to a colleague at work about some of this. We've known each other for years and she went through a process she used to talk about using Internal Family Systems. I am not too familiar with that process, but she said it sounds like there is a part of me called The Firefighter who comes in to take care of problems, using old coping techniques (deactivating, the self talk that says I don't need love, I am best alone, look at all these other things I have and can do, etc...). She said I can talk to The Firefighter, have a conversation where I intervene and describe what that little girl actually needs. So I thought I could say to that part of myself, "Actually what Introvert really needs is the comfort and support she is missing right now, she's tried a long time to deny that but I'm sure that's something that would help her. So, please recognize that while you're trying to help, that's not the beat way to get her to safety...." and kind of approach it that way. I am not sure about how the rest of that works but she has a workbook she didn't use as she was just going through it all with her therapist. She's going to bring it for me. I am not currently seeing a therapist and don't have the coverage I need to do so right now- so I think I will take a look at that workbook, see if I can work through this more. And of course any further suggestions or insight would be helpful. At the moment that little kid ran off and she's probably sleeping behind a couch in a fort or something, while I figure some of this out logistically. Ha. Thanks for your help! Yeh…similar idea of the guardian…and honestly…it is whatever works for you. 🙂. I highly recommend somatic experiencing for therapy. It has brought so much awareness to my body and has helped with navigating my relationship with my mom. Yes it sounded very similar to what you were describing. I hadn't thought about the littler me in different roles. But it makes so much sense. Thank you again. |
|
|
|
Post by krolle on Sept 18, 2021 4:33:05 GMT
I wish so much I could understand any of this.
|
|
