Post by Hypatia on Nov 20, 2021 7:35:27 GMT
Hi everyone
I’m really suffering quite a lot after a breakup with my ex, who fits all the characteristics of an FA. We were together for ten months, and when he met he was 33 and hadn’t had a relationship since he was 20 years old. He just causally hooked up, never got attached. With me, he said he really wanted a relationship, he was ready, he wanted this. He was fantastic. He showered me with attention, praise, gifts, activities. I never had such an adoring partner. There were red flags and I completely ignored them...like me being his first real girlfriend, that by 6 months he couldn’t say he loved me (he said he thigh to he felt it, wasn’t sure what love was, wasn’t ready to say it). In rare conflicts he would leave and not speak to me for days, I’d have to go and make peace and sooth things over. But most of the time it was really, really great.
He introduced me to his entire family via Skype. We talked often. By month 8 we had discussed moving in together, and though we were both scared and nervous he said “our life together will be great”. He said he loved me a few times. We even discussed eloping, moving away somewhere new together.I felt secure. We moved in together and two months later it completely imploded.
We got into one small argument...I mentioned that I did most of the work around the house...and he wouldn’t speak to me for two days. He was actively hostile towards me. Then he suddenly announced he was breaking up with me, in an angry and mean way. I was hysterical. He left, he talked to his parents who calmed him down, then he returned like nothing had happened and asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him...and then got upset again when I didn’t immediately respond positively. Then for the next ten days we were in limbo...he suddenly announced all of these problems he had with the relationship (that he previously said was perfect) and it was awkward and uncomfortable. Then he came up to me and said he’s done, he’s going, nothing can change his mind. The kind, calm, gentle, adoring man immediately became hostile, cruel, aggressive, and shut me out. He wouldn’t respond to my messages, he blocked me entirely. He wouldn’t give me a real reason other than “I don’t love you”...which I don’t know is true or not but I guess it doesn’t matter. He refused to discuss anything. So two months after we started a life together he just up and left. I don’t even know where he lives in the city now.
I am absolutely devastated. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t think. My anxiety is out of control. I am seeing a therapist, on anti-depressants. I love him (or do I???) I was committed to him. It’s been two months since we broke up, one month since we “spoke”. He has asked a friend about me, he said he’s very sad and misses me but he’s glad he left and he’s happy alone. It was so sudden, I had no idea he even had any issues or problems in our relationship, he never once told me. I don’t even know how to process this.
I’m really suffering quite a lot after a breakup with my ex, who fits all the characteristics of an FA. We were together for ten months, and when he met he was 33 and hadn’t had a relationship since he was 20 years old. He just causally hooked up, never got attached. With me, he said he really wanted a relationship, he was ready, he wanted this. He was fantastic. He showered me with attention, praise, gifts, activities. I never had such an adoring partner. There were red flags and I completely ignored them...like me being his first real girlfriend, that by 6 months he couldn’t say he loved me (he said he thigh to he felt it, wasn’t sure what love was, wasn’t ready to say it). In rare conflicts he would leave and not speak to me for days, I’d have to go and make peace and sooth things over. But most of the time it was really, really great.
He introduced me to his entire family via Skype. We talked often. By month 8 we had discussed moving in together, and though we were both scared and nervous he said “our life together will be great”. He said he loved me a few times. We even discussed eloping, moving away somewhere new together.I felt secure. We moved in together and two months later it completely imploded.
We got into one small argument...I mentioned that I did most of the work around the house...and he wouldn’t speak to me for two days. He was actively hostile towards me. Then he suddenly announced he was breaking up with me, in an angry and mean way. I was hysterical. He left, he talked to his parents who calmed him down, then he returned like nothing had happened and asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him...and then got upset again when I didn’t immediately respond positively. Then for the next ten days we were in limbo...he suddenly announced all of these problems he had with the relationship (that he previously said was perfect) and it was awkward and uncomfortable. Then he came up to me and said he’s done, he’s going, nothing can change his mind. The kind, calm, gentle, adoring man immediately became hostile, cruel, aggressive, and shut me out. He wouldn’t respond to my messages, he blocked me entirely. He wouldn’t give me a real reason other than “I don’t love you”...which I don’t know is true or not but I guess it doesn’t matter. He refused to discuss anything. So two months after we started a life together he just up and left. I don’t even know where he lives in the city now.
I am absolutely devastated. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t think. My anxiety is out of control. I am seeing a therapist, on anti-depressants. I love him (or do I???) I was committed to him. It’s been two months since we broke up, one month since we “spoke”. He has asked a friend about me, he said he’s very sad and misses me but he’s glad he left and he’s happy alone. It was so sudden, I had no idea he even had any issues or problems in our relationship, he never once told me. I don’t even know how to process this.
