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Post by mrob on Nov 27, 2022 15:04:34 GMT
I’ve just had the strangest thing happen. I’ve been seeing somebody since the end of January and today she asked me for a dating break of a month. She wants to put a date on it. It feels mature. It feels right. She has quite a bit going on, and I don’t do Christmas well. But I’m a bit surprised. I thought I was the one riding the brakes, with boundaries in place. I think it’s a good idea that we both think about what we want, but the whole thing feels weird. Like not the crazy stuff that goes with attachment weird!
I guess I’ll just see how it goes. Watch this space.
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 27, 2022 16:13:52 GMT
I’ve just had the strangest thing happen. I’ve been seeing somebody since the end of January and today she asked me for a dating break of a month. She wants to put a date on it. It feels mature. It feels right. She has quite a bit going on, and I don’t do Christmas well. But I’m a bit surprised. I thought I was the one riding the brakes, with boundaries in place. I think it’s a good idea that we both think about what we want, but the whole thing feels weird. Like not the crazy stuff that goes with attachment weird! I guess I’ll just see how it goes. Watch this space. I actually had friends suggest a dating break to me before the break up with B happened. I wish I had followed their advice as it might have made space for the break up to occur earlier. I also think it is a smart idea around Christmas since there truly is so much that occurs around that holiday. Good luck. |
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Post by anne12 on Nov 28, 2022 7:57:08 GMT
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Post by introvert on Nov 28, 2022 16:18:15 GMT
We're here to bounce things off of, and thanks for sharing. Keep us posted!
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Post by alexandra on Nov 29, 2022 4:00:51 GMT
I've had people do this in early dating due to being too busy to focus on building a new connection when you've met too close to the holidays. Deciding that after almost a year of dating is new to me, but I think it will give you a very solid perspective on whether or not to continue the relationship by how she handles things after you reconnect. And how you feel after a partner has taken a break from you for a month, and if YOUR needs are still met by the relationship during and after the break.
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Post by mrob on Dec 6, 2022 10:45:36 GMT
I’d been feeling bit sad about this, and we went out to a pre organised do on Saturday evening. She said she would email me about how she sees this going forward. The email was mature and reasonable, but it just isn’t what I want. It’s just so incredibly sad. It’s sad that it’s all go or all stop, it’s sad that when reading the email, the contents of which weren’t really a surprise, I felt that pit of “not again” in my stomach and that flight response. Above everything, just so, so sad. Sad for her, sad for me, sad for the situation. Grateful she felt safe enough to be honest with me. Sad that I had to disappoint her to be true to myself. Yes, I was honest with her all the way through, but what is it? Honest about the attachment and its limitations? Honest about my own limitations? What is legitimate? More bloody questions that I’m not sure if I really want the answers to right now.
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 6, 2022 11:42:49 GMT
I’d been feeling bit sad about this, and we went out to a pre organised do on Saturday evening. She said she would email me about how she sees this going forward. The email was mature and reasonable, but it just isn’t what I want. It’s just so incredibly sad. It’s sad that it’s all go or all stop, it’s sad that when reading the email, the contents of which weren’t really a surprise, I felt that pit of “not again” in my stomach and that flight response. Above everything, just so, so sad. Sad for her, sad for me, sad for the situation. Grateful she felt safe enough to be honest with me. Sad that I had to disappoint her to be true to myself. Yes, I was honest with her all the way through, but what is it? Honest about the attachment and its limitations? Honest about my own limitations? What is legitimate? More bloody questions that I’m not sure if I really want the answers to right now. I am sorry to hear that things did not work out. Sending a virtual hug. |
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Post by introvert on Dec 6, 2022 14:03:13 GMT
I’d been feeling bit sad about this, and we went out to a pre organised do on Saturday evening. She said she would email me about how she sees this going forward. The email was mature and reasonable, but it just isn’t what I want. It’s just so incredibly sad. It’s sad that it’s all go or all stop, it’s sad that when reading the email, the contents of which weren’t really a surprise, I felt that pit of “not again” in my stomach and that flight response. Above everything, just so, so sad. Sad for her, sad for me, sad for the situation. Grateful she felt safe enough to be honest with me. Sad that I had to disappoint her to be true to myself. Yes, I was honest with her all the way through, but what is it? Honest about the attachment and its limitations? Honest about my own limitations? What is legitimate? More bloody questions that I’m not sure if I really want the answers to right now. I'm very sorry this has developed this way, and your pain is palpable. I don't know what to say other than we are here for you and that matters because we are really finding the answers together here. It's an excruciating seemingly endless process sometimes, but it does yield results. It took me so much time to figure things out enough to find something right for me... my late forties. I never could have done it without learning about this stuff, and inching along over years. Hang in there. |
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Post by alexandra on Dec 6, 2022 21:06:12 GMT
It sounds like everything you feel is legitimate, and normal. Romantic situations not working out don't get less sad, but understanding the dynamics allows you to process the sadness more easily because it's not mired down in or tied up in other, unrelated stuff. So you can take your time to mourn what's actually in front of you, the sadness that it has come to this and you want incompatible things in spite of caring for each other, instead of it being about buried issues.
It is okay to feel all the things you're feeling. I'm sorry it didn't work out this time around.
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Post by selhurst1905 on Dec 23, 2022 11:56:54 GMT
Hope you can try and have a good Christmas mrob, I know how it feels, not a big fan of Christmas these days, and def not when you're bloody looking forward to it for once and then it goes south once again..
Chin up, and fingers crossed for the New year!
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Post by mrob on Dec 23, 2022 14:15:47 GMT
Hi selhurst1905 . I’m going alright. I know it was the right decision for both of us, but it’s still terribly sad. I’m resisting making contact “for Christmas” and watching where my thoughts go. The thing is that the difference wasn’t new. I knew this was going to get here. Instead of calling it earlier when I knew, I let it go along. Of course, the longer you’re together, the more attached you get. Both sides. Thanks for the good wishes. I hope you go well over Christmas. 30 is a lovely temp for Sunday. 30 deg c for those playing in the Northern Hemisphere! |
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Post by introvert on Dec 23, 2022 17:09:47 GMT
Sounds like you've got a clear head and good awareness of what's happened, that's positive! I hope you have a good weekend in those balmy temps... its -21C where I live today 😫
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Post by alexandra on Dec 23, 2022 19:04:59 GMT
You're doing well, mrob! Lol my house is 28C because we left the heat on all night in case we lose power. That's the closest we're getting to 30C for a long time 😆 |
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Post by selhurst1905 on Dec 25, 2022 2:26:24 GMT
Currently 29 here in Vic, Australia! Merry Christmas all!
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Post by mrob on Dec 25, 2022 14:39:22 GMT
Happy Christmas, folks. Thankfully it was a lovely 29 degrees here as well. Last year it was 43 (110 F).
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